Toni vaguely thought she heard the phone ringing but passed it off as a dream. When the machine on the night table picked up, his voice filled the room and she instantly sat up. "Baby I know your sleeping. It's just late and I mi-" he paused, "I'm sorry I called so late. I'll talk to you tomorrow, sweet dreams Toni." She heard the line go dead and starred blankly at the phone. What had he wanted to say? Did he miss her? Was he feeling the way she did? And if so, why couldn't he just tell her? She felt a wave of guilt pass through her. It wasn't like she had told him she missed and needed him. She'd always thought it was because she didn't want to pressure him into saying things he didn't mean but she realized now it was because she was scared to not hear him say the words she desperately needed to hear from him, to see in his eyes the emotions she felt whenever he was near. He'd been able to tell her he loved her, but the words came easy, it was the actions. The intimate feelings that neither could express lately. Sighing, she laid back in the bed and cuddled his pillow to her, whispering his name into the darkened room. Feelings of helplessness washed over her as she fell into a fitful sleep alone.
When Nick called the next night, she made no mention of the late night phone call, nor did he. He sounded down and she did her best to brighten his mood. Why she didn't just tell him that she too needed him, she didn't know. They were dancing around each other with words and laughter that neither felt. When the call ended, Nick once again whispered that he loved her. After putting down the phone, she sat there, tears running down her face, feeling more confused than ever. This couldn't be how love really felt, questions unanswered and feelings left unsaid. She picked up the phone and then replaced it. She had to find a way to handle this, to get herself together. She'd made him her life. And without him now, she hadn't a clue what to do with herself. She slowly made her way out to the balcony and stood there, staring out at the night. After a solid hour of crying, she turned to go inside her mind made up, knowing fully that this was the going to either make or break them.
(What do I do
Now that I'm on my own
What we did together
Beats anything I've done alone
Since the day that you left
I've been asking myself
Is this how its gonna be
Without you what do I do with me?
I don't wanna go out
But I just can't stay home
I don't need company
But I sure don't wanna be alone
And to tell myself that I'm doing well
Is only making believe
Without you what do I do with me
Without you
Where do I go
Where do I turn
Id sure like to know
What do I do with all of our things
And how do I spend all this time on my hands.
I've tried everything
I've been racking my brain
It must be as bad as it seems
Without you what do I do with me?)
Without you what do I do with me: Tanya Tucker
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