Chapter 39

Nick stood outside of Gwen's door for a minute before going in.  He could hear her crying as music softly played in the background.  He tapped lightly on the door and there was no answer.  He pushed it in slightly and he saw her laying on her bed, crying into a pillow.  Unsure of what to do, he slowly approached her, not wanting to scare her.  He took a seat next to her trembling body that ran across the center of the bed and lightly placed his hand on her back as he said, "Doll, I am here."

Without even looking up at him she said, "That's a shocker, I didn't think you were going to come."

"You should know better than to think that."

She turned her face so she was looking right at him, her eyes were bloodshot and it was very obvious that she had been crying since she left for the hospital, "What do you expect me to think?  I have been dealing with this alone for days and I thought you would be here if you loved me like you say you do."

"That's not fair Gwen, you know that isn't how it was...I tried everything I could to get here for two days straight, I haven't slept a wink.  I just wanted to be here for you and it makes me sick that I couldn't be."

"Nick, there's always a reason why you weren't there...and you wonder why I won't marry you."

"Lets please not go down that road, all I want to do is take care of you."

"What you want and what you get are two different things, I am sure you have somewhere you have to be so why don't you save us both the trouble and go back to where you came from.  I have handled this without you so far and I can get through this on my  own."

"I am not going anywhere...we need eachother."

"You can't give me what I need, you have proved that to me by not being here now.  You have no idea how I feel right now, you being here and me knowing that you have to leave again is making it worse..." her tears began, "please don't make this any harder for me than it already is...you can't imagine what this feels like to me."

Nick wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest while she cried, "I am not going anywhere...and please, I want to know how you feel," tears began to well up in his eyes, "I know how I feel, I feel like I have lost everything that matters to me, you included...I feel like an asshole because I haven't been the man you have needed for me to be - that makes me sick Gwen."

She looked up at him and said, "Do you want to know how I feel?" he nodded, "I feel like I have lost everything that kept me close to you.  Our child was the only thing I had left of you and now its gone.  I was pregnant just a few days ago and it was the most wonderful feeling...my whole body felt different.  For the first time in my life I felt like I had a purpose, it was like I was put on earth to have your children and I failed...I have never felt like this before Nick, I feel hopeless."

"You have me here from now on...I am not going anywhere, and there will be a thousand more babies for us, just give it a little time.  I love you and I am going to stand by you, no matter how hard you try to  push me away.  We are going to get thru this together."

"As wonderful as that sounds, how do you propose we do that with you all over the world Nick....our chance is gone.  We should both just cut our losses and move on."

"Well, I am not going to be all over the world anymore."

"That's a good one, and you are not going to be a Backstreet Boy anymore either right?"

"Right."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, your Dad has gotten us an early wedding present."

"What's that?'

With a smile on his face, Nick said, "Jive Records."

Chapter 40
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