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During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the suffix "555".

Beds have special L-shaped sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking there and you can travel to any other part of the builing without difficulty.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German Officer it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain when taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries tocleans his wounds.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate the strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Cars that crash invairably burst into flames.

Stripping to the waist can make a man invunerable to bullets.

If you find yourself in a misunderstanding that can be cleared up with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.

Any person waking up from a nightmare will sit up and pant.

A cough is usually a sign of a terminal illness.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when the bomb is going to go off.

When you are in love is is customary to burst into song.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all of the steps.

When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are you best weapons.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them that 20 men firing at one man.

If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilisation.

Word Processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings, expecially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.

All computer discs will work in all computers, regardless of software.

Police Departments give their officers personality test to make sure that they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak in English to each other.

If you are a hero, you never face manslaughter charges or criminal damage charges despite laying entire cities to waste by your actions.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or paper clip in seconds unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

You can tell if someone is British as he will be wearing a bow tie.

When driving a car it is normal for you not to look at the road, but at the person sat next to you for the entire journey.