New Barbarian Weasels 129-9 (Cooper 3-18, Jones 3-25), FC Chad 120-6 (Russell 35, Cooper 27, Dallas 20)

England’s performances in the European football championships of 1988 and 1992 spring to mind. So do the Ashes tours of 1958-59 and 1974-75. The post-war decades have seen some disastrous sporting campaigns and sadly this Gents’ atrocity exhibition is fit to rank alongside any of them. It is not just that they finished in the wooden spoon position for the first time in eight attempts, for FC Chad and the Weasels fielded good, strong sides. No, the head-shaking and disappointment that followed this competition were more attributable to the poor attitude on the day, a litany of bickering and defeatism that called to mind West XI’s dark years of 1993-94 and the late 80’s/early 90’s Blunder Years of The Gents. This was a shameful performance.

The stage was set for a day of magnificent cricket. The sun shone and the teams had use of the top pitch at Berrylands for the first time. The Gents’ problems started when Mr Todd, arriving late and being asked to sit out Game One, signed up for FC Chad for the day. While his disappointment was understandable, and he has sportingly played for this side before when they were short, it went against the philosophy hitherto adopted by The Gents of arriving with a squad to give everybody a go and cover for injuries, domestics, etc. In the event, Chad were two short, Beggar Mr Dallas driving up from Ealing to help them out. It is common journalistic practice in tight games to concentrate on the final overs of the second innings, with the traditional salvo of boundaries and wickets. Common but lazy, for matches are as often won (or lost) in the opening overs of the innings. Larry Flack and Tony Buck went for it from Ball One. Swiss’s hook was brilliantly caught by deep square-leg Burvo, who according to the dismissed batsman "would probably win The Gents’ Fielder of the Year after just this one game." Colin Naish was soon bowled Snarler but when he and triallist Farooq Khan were bowled through, Chad were a handy 40 for two. The black-shorted Aussie Cooper might have gone twice early on, a tough caught and bowled chance to Farooq and a top-edge spiral misjudged by third man Uma Mahesh. This reprieved, he went on to play a fine innings. Larry was a revelation. He brought the authentic cover-drive out of the locker three times to give the classy Cooper excellent support. Veterans of Chad’s 51 and 48 all out totals in 1996 and 1997 were stunned.

The Gents could absorb patchy spells from Bodders and Uma as long as Jim Wright was bowling. His accurate spell enabled The Gents to keep the total at around five an over. His second over saw Flack’s exit, misjudging a single to Graham Heap, while Bodders had Taylor smartly stumped in the next. Jim then bowled Toddy, Chad 68 for five after thirteen overs. Ian Dallas then played the ball around for ones and twos as Cooper took advantage of poor bowling. Fifty runs came off the last five overs. Your Match Reporter did not attend the half-time team-meeting, but Masher is believed to have called for an improved performance in the second half of the game.

In truth, The Gents did not bat badly, though in the first five overs they lost Dimond, glancing down the leg–side third ball, Wright, edging behind, and Patel, out in his traditional way, under-clubbing the drive to deep mid-off. Bodders and Masher then moved the score on to 83 for three by the end of the thirteenth over, fifteen ahead of Chad at the same stage. However, in these circumstances a fall of a wicket can be deadly, for it is very difficult for a new batsman to pick up the pace. Ashton cut to Colin Naish off the off-spin of Colin Jones, who also bagged him back in May. Farooq was caught off his first attacking shot at long-off off Barry Russell, cunningly held back for his last over. Snarler batted well, as he has done so often this season, and Bodders was soldiering manfully on, and in sight of a fifty. With four overs left, The Gents stood at 97 for five. Eight runs came off Taylor’s first over, 23 runs needed in three overs. Chad were slight favourites now and looked odds on to win when Bodders was run out chancing a second in Buck’s first over. Seven runs came from it, and six from the first three balls of Taylor’s second, but Burvo could not score off balls four and five and was bowled off the last. Ten were needed off Buck’s second over, the last of the innings. He bowled Snarler and Heapo and although four runs came, Chad had won a famous victory, their first ever against The Gents, in the thirteenth meeting. Snarler said that The Gents had "underestimated" FC Chad. Psychologically this may have been so, but The Gents’ performance looked keen enough from the sidelines. They were just beaten, albeit narrowly, by the better side.

The Gents were utterly dispirited and a distraught Masher said nothing to lift his men. He clubbed a few desultory runs and muttered to himself for the remainder of an appalling batting display, enlivened only by a good tenth wicket stand. A brutal Bill Flack assault (nine fours), after early hope for The Gents came in the shape of a sharp slip catch by Chris Beaumont and a plumb leg-before, and it was all over in 12.1 overs, a complete massacre. The final was a far better occasion. The Weasel batsmen scored steadily, though Cooper and Jones were again among the wickets. Chad fought bravely but were always slightly behind the rate and fell just nine runs short.

Congratulations to New Barbarian Weasels, commiserations to FC Chad and a Must Do Better to The Gents, who were below par from the first ball and could not lift their game when it mattered.