So, after disparate but enjoyable nets, it was onto what Dhruv Patel calls the real cake. New, strong oppo, a venue exceeded in facilities and aesthetics by few ever travelled to by the Gents, no wonder fourteen players were available, although one of these was not The Commander. It looked a tidy enough team, but it played to perhaps only 75% of its potential, not helped by virtual paralysis in the first half of its innings, in which the score dribbled to only 23 for one after 20 overs. Batting briskly, Exiles claimed what was a comfortable, well-deserved victory, despite early breakthroughs by Snarler, skippering a Gents’ fixture for the first time, and Sanjay. Ansari’s assertive fifty, with shots all around the ground, was the highpoint of the game.

Despite instructions to be at the ground for 12.30pm for a 1 o’clock start, both sides, beset by horrendous road and rail problems, were late arriving, the Gents more culpable as they had been given explicit instructions about location and start time and as guests ought to have planned their journeys a little better. The Gents’ embarrassment was compounded the late arrival of the Patels (with only part of the kit) and a full-scale scorebook massacre by Messrs. Wright and Murphy, which involved one bowler being missed completely. Rigorous clerking by the Exiles over tea corrected the problem, but the club did not give a good impression of itself with these occurrences. The model the club’s organiser has is to ensure that eleven men turn up in good time, leaving the captain, who should not be burdened with administrative tasks, to get on with winning the game. It is a model which needs some work doing on it.

Still, deferring the off until 1.30pm gave the spongy, sweaty strip a chance to dry out. It was clearly an inserting wicket but Snarler’s call of tails failed and the Gents were rightly stuck in. "Win the toss, win the game" he ruminated post-match. Ian Barker seamed one back to clip Swiss Tony’s off-stump in the second over which let in Biggers and Bill for a monumental stand of 20 overs. Showing good technique against the moving ball, they did their best to give the Gents a reasonable platform for a late assault, but were unable to pierce the outfield, Bill straight driving the only boundary scored by the pair. It was not until the 17^th over that runs scored exceeded overs bowled and Biggers did not score his first run until the 16^th over. It was stodgy in the extreme, against accurate bowling on a helpful pitch, certainly, but seldom were the sharp singles chanced or any aggression displayed. In contrast, the Exiles’ batsmen would chance their arm from the word go.

Still, it would not be fair to criticise for at least there were wickets in hand, and the middle-order upped the rate, though they could hardly avoid doing so. Bill clubbed his first four and promptly top-edged to the ‘keeper before Biggers, eleven runs in 23 overs and Dhruv holed out to deep-extra cover in successive overs. Everyone got a few and the last five wickets did at least double the score, helped by some aggression from Colin and a host of extras by Naem Khan as the ball began to swing prodigiously. The three-figures were duly posted in the final over of 40. The all-seam home attack had used the conditions well.

Such a score began to look competitive when Snarler and Sanjay each struck in their second over to remove their openers, but this only let in Ansari, who was the best batsman seen in a Gents’ fixture since Weasel Ian Groves-Loader posted his ton at Surbiton in July 1998. He struck four fours, including two breathtaking cuts off Sanjay, and three sixes, including a straight drive off Jimmy to win the game. Snarler had signed off his eight overs on the reel by yorking Brook the Second and Dhruv induced a sharp catch by mid-wicket Toddy. The Exiles, however, cruised in with nearly half their overs in hand. Throughout their innings, they worked the gaps and went for their shots, whereas the Gents did neither until it was too late. The game was over by six.

The venue, with a proper score-box (although multi-tasking between operating it and doing the book clearly proved beyond the Gents) was top-notch, although the tea would have caused riots had it been served in a correctional institute. Nasty slices of watery ham and raw onion in Happy Shopper bread, followed by more Happy Shopper bread, on which you had to spread some nasty species of jam, was a nutritional disaster and rickets began kicking in during the interminable crawl back along the South Circular. Why do cricket clubs assume we want to eat like this?

At least the club had a bar, and there was 100% turnout by the Gents, although curiously only two Exiles turned up. Perhaps we had upset them? No, confirmed Biggers, the Exiles seldom socialise after the game, although they were a pleasant bunch during it. Some good if acerbic banter duly ensued (April not yet over and the politics have started) and it was a bonus to see loyal supporter Katie Todd plus visiting Weasels Bill Flack and Jez Owen, on a spying mission before their trip to play the Exiles in a few weeks.

A tough and chastening first game, then, which the Gents should view as a useful learning experience. Skipper Paul Shorrock said after that he would like to play the Gents twice in 2000 , so obviously some sort of test was passed during the afternoon. If the games happen, he would doubtless sense a chance to improve still further his bowling economy, for he did not concede a run until his seventh over, a telling statistic and one typical of an insipid Gents’ performance.