I had our morning ritual somewhat down to a science. If Dani slept in, I would shower and dress, then get some food before she woke up. If she was up when I got up, like this morning, I would take her into the bathroom and sit her in her bouncy chair. I'd jump into the shower and wash quickly while she played. Usually I would sing for her and she seemed to like that. Then we'd head downstairs for breakfast and whatever our day would bring us. Today was sure to be fun. The first of the nannies would be coming for their interview, most likely, and I would have to see Bec again. I would have to apologize for my behaviour, if she'd give me the chance.

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Dani and I had just settled into our favourite chair with her bottle when the doorbell rang. We awkwardly got up to answer it.

"Bec!" I was surprised to see her this early, especially with no phone call to let me know she was coming.

"Morning, Nick." Bec was blushing, I could tell even with her head down.

"Bec, I..."

She waved me off, still keeping her head down.

"Does it look better with the jeans on or off?" I smacked my face. Way to go, Carter. Remember to insert your brain before you speak next time. Jesus.

Bec giggled. "Definitely with them on! Men bits are ugly things!"

I sniffed. "I think I'm offended by that statement. I have very nice bits."

Bec started laughing outloud.

"Seriously, Bec..."

"Nick, you don't need to say anything."

"Yes I do. I was a horny ass hole just looking for a fuck last night. I didn't think what it might do to our relationship. I was thinking with my dick and not my head."

Bec offered me a small grin. "You kiss your baby girl and your momma with that mouth?"

"Yes I do." I smiled back, kissing Dani as proof.

"It's alright Nick, really."

"I'm sorry though, Bec. I should never have came on to you that way."

"Nick, I didn't stop you. I'm a grown woman. I know what I want and what I don't want." She raised her eyebrows and smirked at me.

It took me a minute to process what she had just told me. She wanted me too. A slow grin spread over my face. "Really?" Damn, my voice squeaked on that one.

"Really. We'll talk about it later though, alright? We've got the first girl coming in about a half hour to my office. I'll watch Dani while you change."

"Why?" I looked down, I was wearing my standard jeans and a t-shirt. Okay, the jeans were from yesterday and the shirt was wrinkled from being on the floor, but otherwise...

"Try and look professional sweetie, just a nice shirt and pants, okay. I know you can do it."

She started playing with Dani as I bounded up the stairs. I laughed like a hyena at the last statement I heard from her.

"Just remember sweetie, as soon as you're old enough, you're going to have to raise that big boy, maybe all by yourself. You've got a tough job ahead of you."

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I collapsed onto the desk as the last nanny interviewee left the room. The interviews had been a disaster. I was nervous, scared shitless to be exact, Dani was miserable and Bec was frazzled. Dani had cried when she sat with almost all of the ladies. For a few she was alright but you could see the tears just ready to explode if the lady made a sudden movement. She wouldn't take her bottle or any of the banana I packed and she seemed to be, as Bec so delicately put it, plugged up. I guess that would make me miserable too. I didn't know what to ask the nannies and relied on Bec far too much during the interviews.

So many of the women overwhelmed me with their knowledge of children. The younger ones were smart, but I could tell they were thrilled they might be able to babysit for a celebrity. That made me a little nervous. The older ones gave me disapproving looks when they found out I was a single father. That made me a little nervous too. And none of them seemed to be 'The One'.

"We have to go through all this again tomorrow?" I groaned.

"Yes, if my head ever stops pounding." Bec was holding Dani and trying to get her to calm down.

"Here, let me." I took Dani and held her close to my chest. Bec came over and felt her forehead and cheeks.

"She's not hot." She moved her hand to Dani's belly and prodded a little. Dani responded with a wail. "She feels hard, when was the last time she had a dirty diaper?"

I shrugged. "Yesterday? No, I think the day before. I'm not sure?"

"Maybe you should take her to the walk in clinic. We can stop there on the way home."

"I'm sure she's alright." I didn't want to take her to the doctors, not again.

"Nick, don't let your fear of doctors get in the way of looking after Dani. She's not eating and is upset. Have them look at her."

I finally agreed and we packed up our stuff to get ready to go.

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"She's got a slight blockage, she's having some trouble passing. Give her some prune juice with her formula and one of these." The doctor handed me a small package of pills. "That should clear the trouble up."

The pills were huge, she could never take one without choking. "So do I crush this up or something? It's awfully big." I questioned.

"No, Mr. Carter, you have to insert it anally."

I knew I must have turned white and gagged. The doctor came right over to make sure I was alright.

"Her bum?" I whispered, I know it sounded childish, but I just couldn't say a...that other word.. "Won't that hurt her?."

"Not at all. Just put it on the tip of your finger and..."

I winced before he finished the sentence. "It's alright, I get the picture. You don't need to say anymore."

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Bec drove us home and busied herself downstairs while I changed Dani and prepared to give her the 'pill'. I made sure I washed my hands first and then laid her down on the change table while I fumbled the package open. I lifted her little legs up and balanced the suppository on my finger, placing it at her....God I can't even say it! I tried again, getting the tip in, but not much more. Dani was losing patience with me very quickly.

"Can I help?"

"Oh Bec. I can NOT do this. I can't."

"Yes, you can. Just push everything out of your mind and remember this will help Dani feel better, okay?"

Bec took my shaky hand and guided my finger towards Dani. I closed my eyes and pushed until she told me to stop and then pulled my finger out quickly. I put a clean diaper on Dani and picked her up to comfort her. I wiped the big tears rolling down her face and whispered in her ear that everything would be alright. No more hurt.

"I never want to do that again." I shuddered. "That was gross."

Bec smiled and shook her head at me. "You're gonna have to do a lot of things you don't want to do. For Dani. Just remember that and you'll be fine."

"That was gross." I repeated for emphasis. My poor daughter. Dumped on her her stupid ass father's doorstep, abandoned by her mother, dropped on her head by her father and now, personally invaded, again by her father. All in a matter of weeks. I didn't know how she could stand for me to hold her. I cuddled her close, regardless, and bent my head to give her a kiss.

"She's asleep." I marveled. "After all that, she's asleep, just like that."

"It's because she feels safe in her Daddy's arms. She knows she can just fall asleep and he will take care of her."

I felt a tear drip down my cheek. "You're making me cry, Bec."

Bec hugged me around my waist and pushed me gently towards Dani's crib.

"Put her to bed and let's see if I can make you beg."