"Good morning Dani girl." I gave her gentle kisses, rubbing my nose against her soft cheek.

Dani whimpered a bit and a small tear escaped from her right eye.

"Oh baby, it's still sore, isn't it?" I turned her head gently so I could examine the bump. It was still enormous. It actually looked bigger to me now than last night. The colour...a horrible blue and purple...the whole bump was that colour and a bit of the area around it. I shuddered and held her closer. "I'm so sorry, baby. Daddy made a big mistake."

"How is my darling?"

I jumped. I hadn't even heard Mom open the door.

"I'm not sure, Momma. She was crying." I gestured to the tears on Dani's face.

"I'm sure it's still very tender, honey." Mom kissed Dani's forehead. "Do you mind it I take her for her bottle while you shower?"

I looked down at Dani. "Yes, I do. I need to be with her still, is that okay?"

Mom smiled at me. "It's perfectly okay, honey. I'll hop in and shower while you and Dani have breakfast."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dani wasn't too happy with me after I changed her diaper. I had to lay her down, obviously, but I also had to keep her head turned so she didn't get hurt. Needless to say, it wasn't an easy task. We just rocked in the chair for a bit afterwards. I told myself it was to calm Dani down, but really, we both needed a time out. My hands were shaking and her crying was upsetting and frustrating. I didn't know what to do to help her.

Once we were both a bit more calm, we went down for breakfast. I mixed up a batch of formula while holding Dani and offered her a bottle right away. She took a bit then spit it right back up. I held my tongue and murmured some consoling words. Dani started crying again, so I offered the bottle to her once more. She took a few more swallows and then pushed the nipple out with her tongue.

"What's wrong Dani? Is it too hot?"

I tested it and it was fine. I tried again and Dani moved her head away in protest, brushing the bump against my arm. Her screams brought Mom running down the stairs, a towel still wrapped around her wet hair.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know!" I yelled.

I stood up and handed the still crying Dani to Mom, then I started to pace around the room.

"She's crying, so I feed her, then she spits it out, then she's crying again...I don't know what to do!" I leaned against the kitchen counter and covered my face with my hands. I couldn't do this. I was a fool to think I could.

Mom reached out to touch my arm. "It's alright Nick, calm down. She's not crying now."

"But what's wrong with her?" I swiped my eyes and sat across from them at the table.

"She's just tired."

"But she just woke up."

"Babies need lots of sleep. Sometimes just for sleep, sometimes it's their way of healing themselves."

"Is it alright for her to go back down? She won't be up all night?"

"Certainly it's alright. She probably just woke up because of a wet diaper."

Mom handed Dani back to me. "Go put your daughter back to bed. Then we'll talk."

I snuggled Dani in my arms. "Can I just rock with her in the living room, while we talk?"

Mom smiled at the two of us. "I suppose that would be alright."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So she's not just hungry when she cries?"

Mom shook her head and laughed. "All her cries mean something. You have to figure out what. You need to read those books a little more."

"I have, it's just...you've been through it. It's real coming from you."

Mom got off the couch and kneeled beside the recliner Dani and I were sitting on. She reached up and stroked Dani's cheek gently.

"She's asleep, honey. You should take her up to her crib."

"I know. But...I love holding her. I love how she cuddles up in my arms. It makes me feel so...so..."

"Needed?"

"Yes, that. And I think...loved."

"You've always been loved, Nickolas."

"I know, but this is different. This is special. She trusts me and loves me, just because I'm here for her. Just because I'm me."

Mom patted my hand. "Now you know how your Dad and I felt when we held you, your sisters, your brother. It's a very special feeling."

I looked up and smiled. "Yeah, it is."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before she left for home, Mom finally convinced me it was okay to let Dani sleep as long as she wanted to. I needed to check on her now and then, but otherwise Mom said not to worry.

Easy for her to say.

I called the doctor to schedule an appointment for Dani to have the bump checked out and then the studio to cancel my session there later in the day. I couldn't do it today. I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my singing and besides, I had no one to leave Dani with. Mom had done enough for us last night and this morning. I wasn't going to bother her again.

I had just settled down with a magazine and the stereo on low when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"How's it going, Daddy?"

"Hey Bec, not too well, I'm afraid."

"She's alright?"

"That's what they tell me, but it looks awful! And it's still sore, I can't touch it at all."

"She'll be fine, Nick, I'm sure she will." Bec murmured sympathetically.

"I know, it's just hard to tell myself that. I feel like a horrible father."

"You're not a horrible father. You're new and you're learning, not horrible."

"Thanks Bec."

"I mean it, Nick, I saw you with Dani the other day. You would never purposely put her in danger. You love her too much."

"You're gonna make me cry, Bec." I said warningly.

"Oh, wait! Let me come over, cause I have to see that!" she joked back at me.

"Ha ha."

"Seriously, hun. We need to reschedule Today, they were very understanding about the whole thing. Also, you have to get your recording ass in gear. They want to know why you haven't been in and why you canceled today."

"I couldn't do it today Bec, I just couldn't deal with it. Dani's sleeping and sore, there's no one to watch her even if I felt like going."

"It's okay, Nick. You don't need to explain to me. But they want you in there. And soon."

"I know. Can you help me out later?"

"With what?"

"I need a sitter. A really good, super excellent baby sitter."