Phyllis's Story
My anxiety started ,I believe as a result of my dad's death when I was nine years old. My mom, my sister and I were in the house when he shot himself. After that I became scared of things that never bothered me before, like storms, elevators, and bridges, stuff like that. I still can't hardly stand fireworks because of the big booms. Other than that I was ok. Never panicky or anthing. Now we will go from 1986 to 1996. It was the year I graduated from high school. I graduated on June 2nd, got married on June 4th and moved to North Carolina, from where I grew up in West Virginia a week later. Then in October of 1996 I became pregnate with my first child. My pregnancy was normal, wonderful actually, it was completley enjoyable. Then Kayla was born in August. I was fine until she was 2 days old. I was tired of sitting at home, and I had a new baby and wanted to show off! Me, my husband, and Kayla went to K-mart. All of the sudden I felt like the store was spinning. I knew I was gonna faint, so I sat down and laid my head down. I didn't faint, but I went straight to my OB's office. He gave me a clean bill of health and said I was just getting out and doing things too soon after labor. When my daughter was 2 weeks old I was at home, and I had just eaten some cheese sticks when my cheast felt like someone was standing on it. I thought it was gas. My husband pounded on my back, I took a bath, nothing helped. I went to the hospital and I had gall stones, and had to have them removed a few days later. Up until that pointe I had no health problems at all, so it really freaked me out. Well, after that I began having eposides of not being able to catch my breath, and feeling lightheaded. I just knew I was havign a heart attack. After numerous trips to the emergancy room (with in like a month) the hospital caught on to my pattern and they had a counselor come in and
tell me about a "great" phychiartist that they wanted me to see. The nurse explanied to me that I had Panic disorder. I had never heard of it before! I went to see their psychiartist, and he decided that I needed drugs. Now, I am not going to say that nobody with panic disorder needs drugs, but as for me it made it worse! I took Zoloft for a year and a half, this is after trying tons of others like Valium, Klonopin, Xanax, and a few others. Nothing helped me, they all made me just as nervous as I would of been not taking them. Plus I got the nasty side effects of the drugs. Well, then I went to see a therapist, went to group counseling, none of this helped me! What I have learned about this is it's a problem that you can't "forget" excatly, but the best thing I do is try to get your mind on something else as soon as you feel one comming on. I had my second child in December of 1999. That pregnancy and labor was one of the hardest things I things I have ever done, because I'd given into the panic and stayed upset and nervous all the time! Then when my daughter was born I was so concerned with my own health that I wasn't even interested in her. That was something that kills me to think about, because now she is one year old, and she and my three year old are my pride and joy. I find new ways to deal everyday. At least once a day I have a weird pain or feel "funny" and I start to get crazy, and I have to stop my self and think about it. I think what if my husband told me he's having a pain in his left arm. What would I say to him? I would probably say " it's just a muscle pain honey" or something. It just takes thinking rationally, and boy do I know how hard that is. My biggest help through all of this has been my husband. He makes me come back to reality , he's been wonderful. Well, that's pretty much it! I'm not cured or anything, but I am better. It's a long tough road! - Phyllis |
