| Profiles |
| Name: Rob Wieser Starsign: Libra with cheese Quote: Hell I like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister! Profile: There are more than 4000 McDonald's in Australia and Rob has eaten in 3876 of them. When he can't eat at a new McDonald's he'll revist an old one. Rob was invited to McDonald's 75th Anniversary in Oak Brook Illinois. McDonald's were willing to pay for one return fare over for Rob but unfortunatlety Rob required two. |
| Name: Febe McCrossen Starsign: Capri with lemonade Quote: I bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person up the ass and not have the commen courtesy to give him a reacharound. Profile: Febe once had a promising career in marketing, that was until the day she launched the new Arnotts choc-chip cookie with the campaign logo "just like a Public Enemy concert full of darkies". She has since found a rewarding career in Popcorn sales. We're told the honey roast toffee is particurly good today. |
| Name: Jacqui Cobley Starsign: Pisces Quote: 5-foot-9, I didn't know they stacked shit that high! Profile: Coutrney Love recently flipped out on a Virgin Airline flight because her friend couldn't move from economy to 1st class. Love was said to heve called the pilot a "fuckwad". So how does Jacqui fit in to this picture well it just so happens Jacqui was the friend of Love's in question. Jacqui also caused a stir on the plane, by repeatedly referring to the air hostesses as "Yo Cunt" however due to her lack of celebrity this was not reported. |
| Name: Matt Kelly Starsign: Shaggy Quote: Damn bitch you always on the rag! Profile: Matt's best friend Pete was recently killed in a crocodile attack, whilst the two were on a pig hunting holiday in the Northern Territory. Matt said after the incident "i wish i could've grabbed Pete's gun from the back of the ute and helped him, but to aim my camcorder and shot a rifle at the same time would have been impossible." Pete's death will air on Channel 10's "When Animals Attack VIII" on September 9. |
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