Contents
The Challenge
Reciprocation... I have never felt that things have been owed to me because of something I said, or performed a service for another person. If I do something for someone, it is because I choose to do it, for the sake of doing it, and in no way do I feel that something has to be returned to me. Most often than not, when I choose to do something, I enjoy doing it, and that is reward enough. I feel the same way about things that are done for me... if I know you are enjoying yourself while helping me out as well, I look at it as a good time spent together... no matter who benefits.
"Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem lead to selfishness": There might be some justification for that statement, but in my personal case it is false. I can give you a broad generality that encompasses me as well. Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem most often than not lead to questioning one's self-worth. I have often pondered my self-worth. Am I good enough to hang out with these people?... Do I have the social skills to be "part of the group"?... If the answer is no, but yet, I still like they people, I will offer anything I can so they accept me. That isn't selfish. I can't really think of a selfish quality about me... to put it this way... the person I despise most in the world at this very moment, Ryan ( his story Click Here...) , if he were to call me and ask me to go have a beer with him because he wanted to talk about some things, I would ask him "When?, and Where?".
In a relationship, I would be selfish with time spent with my significant other, but who else who is truly in love isn't selfish about the time? If your companion feels the same way about you as you do about him/her, then why isn't quality time alone hoarded?
"Could rake in the girls, if you got your self-esteem up".... Yes, I do have self-esteem issues, but those are MINE... I do not share them with the people I hang out with. As far as they are concerned, they think it is that I am having a string of bad luck, followed up with being too nice. Hell, right now, there is a chick sleeping on my couch because I had a party and she drank a little too much. Should I do the typical male-chauvanistic thing and try to sleep with her? She is still concious enough to make the descion... why don't I??? I'll tell ya why... it wouldn't be nice... both of us would regret it. She even more than I... I don't want to be the cause of any bad feelings between us. She is a great person, and I do like spending time with her. Back to the issue at hand, I have totally fooled my closest and dearest friends about my self-confidence... they keep telling me, that they cannot understand why I can't get a girlfriend... I am a "nice guy", I can cook, and (at least they tell me), I am fun to be around.
"If a girl dumps you, SUCK IT UP, don't dwell on it".... Well, at least I am still trying on occaision, that tells me that I do suck it up, and don't dwell on a certain person. The only thing is that I am VERY selective about whom I even choose to pursue. At this point in my life, I am more focused on someone who is better connected to me mentally than anything else. That could also be some of the problem... sometimes I can be a little too picky... so if I do fail at someone that I think woud be good for me, I might dwell on it a little longer than I should... but that also means, I truly cared for the person, and not just wanting someone by my side.
--The Quote by the Dali Lama--
I have already discerned the difference between sexual desire and that of true desire. There are many many women that I am attracted to sexually, but that would just be it... the sex... When I really get a desire for someone it is because of who they are, not how they look in a bikini. And before you think that I am just saying this, the last one (who I am not completely over just yet, but struggling, AMY), is not a CoverGirl type person... she is a Pastry Chef for Chrissakes... working with chocolate, pastries and cakes for 10 hours a day doesn't do much for the figure... but that's not what I am interested in... I am interested for WHO she is, not what she looks like. My personal belief is if there is no mental connection... the rest is just sex.
"I Love You Because I Need You.... I Need You Because I Love You" The first half I can honestly say that I have never felt.... as well with the second half. But, for the 'I Need You Because I Love You' to be true, that requires a commitment on both parts to actually find that out. Which the commitment for that, has been a little tough for me to find.