| �I cry myself to sleep again tonight, cause I cannot hold you tight�� Brian thought as he laid with his back to Haylie. When he came upstairs he found her asleep in the armchair. He had picked her up and put her in bed. For quite a while after that he had sat in the armchair and watched her sleep, he couldn�t help but think how that when she slept was the only time Jacob didn�t haunt her. Brian rolled over, moving closer to Haylie he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair. �I love you,� he whispered softly, �So much it hurts.� Haylie rolled over to face Brian. She had been awake for a while, just enjoying the comfort and safety of Brian�s arms. When Brian realized that she was awake, he quickly took his arms from around her. �Please don�t let go,� Haylie said quietly. Brian immediately wrapped Hayie in his warm embrace. �Baby, I�m sorry, it�s just that lately I don�t know when I should hold you and when I should just let go, I just don�t know what you want,� his voice quivered. Haylie shifted herself so she could look Brian in the eyes. �Honestly Brian, I don�t know what I want or need most of the time anymore, but one thing I�m absolutely sure of always, is that I love you more than I can understand. I want you to be able to hold me and be with me and not worry about everything else.� Tears began to stream down Haylie�s face, but she continued. �When you hold me, I forget about everything but you and I, and how I want to spend eternity with you. And when you don�t feel comfortable being normal with me, I think of how you�re slipping further and further away from me, and it kills me.� Haylie broke down and collapsed into Brian�s chest. Brian pulled Haylie closer and rested his chin on her head; he closed his eyes to gather his thoughts. �I�m going to say this and I want you to know that every word of it comes straight from the deepest parts of my heart, never once has the thought of ending our relationship crossed my mind, even thought there have been many times when it could�ve. I love you and could never in a million lifetimes leave you. And as for eternity, I plan on spending it with you. What would ever make you think differently?� �It�s just lately I�ve watched you die emotionally and it�s all my fault.� �Haylie, don�t say that,� Brian said in a shaky tone. �You�re by my side constantly, supporting me no matter what, and I haven�t been able to do the same for you,� Haylie began to sob. �I just hate to put you through all of this. You deserve someone so much better than me, someone who can be there for you emotional and physical needs, and I want to be that person, but�� �Haylie! Stop it right now!� Brian demanded. �I can�t sit here and listen to you give up on us! You act as if I could walk away from you and be happy! You talk about not wanting to lose me, don�t push me away. I know that all of the things that have caused you all of this pain and uneasiness were not your fault.� Tears began to stream down Brian�s face. �Now, it�s time for you to understand that too, let me help you.� �I don�t know how to respond to that.� �You don�t have to, at least not in words. Haylie, together we can get through this, put it behind us.� �Brian, I love you.� �I love you, too baby. Everything will get better, I promise,� Brian whispered to her as they fell asleep in one another�s arms. Chapter Five |