Steven's clothes were packed and Tamara was curled up on the sofa. She stared vacantly into the fading light of day, waiting for Steven to return home from work. When she had come face to face with Beth earlier that day and saw that she was pregnant with Steven's child, she knew that her marriage was over. Her efforts of the past months had been futile. It would take more than carefully planned meals and a homelike atmosphere to keep the marriage intact. Things between Steven and Beth had progressed to the point where there was no turning back.
"Damn this disorder!" she cried. "How much more is it going to take from me? It has robbed me of everything! My job! My independence! And now my marriage! I never asked for this! How long has it been since I faced a day with expectancy and excitement?" Tears of frustration filled her eyes and spilled down onto her cheeks. "What will I do now?" she whispered into the silence.
The sound of the telephone ringing startled her. She really didn't want to answer it but she was afraid it might wake the children. When she heard her mother's voice, she began to cry and was soon relating to her the circumstances of the past months. Tamara didn't know why she was confiding in her mother. She knew she had never been able to rely on her for anything since she was a child, but the need to talk to someone was great. Her mother asked if Tamara wanted her to come and stay for awhile, but the thought of having to contend with an alcoholic mother on top of her other problems caused her to insist that she would be fine, that she could call her psychologist and he would help her cope. Anything to keep her mother far away from her.
Steven drove slowly home. He dreaded the confrontation with Tamara. Beth had informed him about their encounter and although he hated what this must be doing to Tamara, he was relieved that it was finally out in the open and that he would soon be able to marry Beth. He attempted to assuage his feelings of guilt by telling himself that their marriage had ceased to have meaning long before he met Beth. And hadn't he put up with her extreme mood changes and her unreasonable demands? It was all her fault! She had driven him into the arms of another woman! Yet deep inside, he also wished for the days when they had been very much in love and happy. It was too late for wishing! Much too late!
Steven saw the packed suitcases as he entered the house. He saw Tamara's tear-stained face and remorse filled him once again. As he picked up the suitcases, he said, "I'll make sure that you and the boys are taken care of financially. You need not worry about that!" He added that he would make arrangements for the divorce and that he hoped Tamara wouldn't harbor too much bitterness towards him.
Tamara opened the door and screamed, "Take your things and get out of my sight! I don't want anything from you! Just go!" She slammed the door behind him. Her attack of bravado, however, was short-lived. Steven was gone! She was alone!
She walked into her sons' room and looked at them...so innocent...so trusting. "God, help me get through this," she prayed, as she eased her weary body into a chair by the side of their beds.
xx
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