"Panic And Pets"
I've always been afraid of dogs...big and small,purebred and mutts.I was afraid to touch them,smoothe them down or allow them to lick me and if I happened to see one in the distance, I'd go out of my way to avoid it.
I'm not sure what caused me to be afraid of dogs.I've been told that as a baby, playing with my doll in my playpen,a Newfoundland snatched the doll from my hands. I have no memory of this but I guess it's a good enough reason.
Last October my daughter and I were shopping at the market as we usually do every Saturday."I'm going to buy a pup,Mom" she said."That's nice. When are you planning to buy it?" I said. "Today," she said..."You can drop me off on your way there."I said..."But Mom,someone has to hold the pup while I drive"..."You can lay it beside you on the seat"..."I can't do that,Mom! It will be scared and need to feel secure."..."Wrap it up in your jacket"..."But Mom! It's only six weeks old."..."So?" "How can you be so cruel, Mom?" What could I do?
<So we headed towards the place where the puppies were and went inside to have a look at them. There in a box lay seven tiny bundles of fur. My daughter immediately went towards them while I held back. Lifting up one of the puppies my daughter held it up for me to see.I said it was cute enough. She then placed him back and lifted up the other two males of the litter but kept going back to the first one."Which one do you like, Mom?"..."I think the first one you chose is the cutest."..."I do too!" So the decision had been made.
<When we got into the car the pup was placed on my lap. He lay there shivering and whining while I looked helplessly at my daughter."Smoothe him down,Mom."..."He's okay!"..."He's frightened,Mom."..."He'll be okay!"..."He's only a baby, Mom."..."I know that but I can't touch him."[I wished she would drive faster and get the hell home with the pup.]I looked down at the shivering, whining bundle of fur and he looked up at me.I tentatively reached down and touched him. His fur was so soft! My daughter didn't say anything but I knew she was looking at me when she said,"He needs to be cuddled,Mom. Lift him up on your shoulder."Complete silence for several minutes! I placed one hand under his bottom and the other around his middle and gingerly lifted him onto my shoulder.He immediately snuggled into me and gradually the shivering stopped. He closed his eyes and I kept staring at him while holding him just a little tighter.Something was happening inside me.A strange feeling, one that I had forgotten existed kept building and when I felt tears sting my eyes,I recognized the feeling as peace. All anxiety had left me; no fear invaded my body. Nothing else existed except me and the pup.
That was seven months ago. Since then, Lotus and I have become very close. When my daughter and her husband went on vacation earlier this month for three weeks I took care of him. He came on a Friday night, complete with his bed, harness and leash, toys and food. After playing with him for a while,it was time to call it a night.I placed him into his bed and told him to stay there and I would see him in the morning. But he had other plans! I had no sooner gotten into bed when I heard him heading towards my room and with a mighty leap he was on the bed looking down at me.I told him to go back to his bed but no amount of cajoling or promises of treats made him move. He licked my face,circled the bed and plopped down next to me. He definitely was calling the shots.
<When I opened my eyes the following morning, there he was looking down at me.When he licked my face I laughed out loud and immediately heard my son call,"Are you okay,Mother?"I'm sure he thought that I had finally gone over the edge because I never laugh in the mornings...I rarely talk in the mornings so the sound of my laughter was foreign to my ears as well as my sons.
Those three weeks were the happiest and the fullest that I can remember having for a long time. Every day, regardless of the weather Lotus and I would go outside and play .He helped me dig holes in my flower bed and kept me so busy that I would fall exhausted into bed each night. One day I put the leash on him and we went for a walk...not too far really but I hadn't walked anywhere alone for such a long time. Yet it was so much easier to do with Lotus dragging on the leash and inspecting every blade of grass and every rock as well as barking at anything and everything that moved.I had no time to focus on my fears and symptoms and I felt so incredibly free.
As the time drew near for my daughter and her husband to return home,I could feel the emptiness. And when he left with them,the silence was deafening.I missed him so much and began to retreat back to my former self...someone I didn't like very much.
I will eventually get a pup of my own but in the meantime I "borrow" Lotus for five days and nights every week.My daughter and her husband are at work all day so I'm really doing them a favor:) My love for him and his love for me is a precious gift...one which I never dreamed I'd have.God surely does work in mysterious ways.
If you have the love and the help of a pet, as I have, let me know and I will post your comments on my web page.
