Now with that in mind,
where is my knife?
Now my mind is lost, for good,
now, thanks to you, there's no love.
Now there's a plan I have, now, don't worry,
I'll use a glove.
Now when this happens,
now it will look like a suicide.
Now I am somewhere mentally,
now it's somewhere you'll never find.
Now or later, you will see,
now, don't be scared.
Now it's even harder than before, now, shut the hell up, you never cared.
Now you get to see inside,
now don't act like you're helpless.
Now I know how long it's been inside,
now it wants to come out, things it'll miss.
Now I know the truth, now I'm walking alone.
Now I want revenge on you,
now my anger has already grown.
Now you'll regret saying those words,
now, I wish you'd die,
flying with the birds.
although, subconsciously, I know.
Why ask questions you already know,
the answers to questions grow.
Or maybe it's the other way around,
only God can comfort me now.
To my parents,
my love has grown weak.
To the Lord, I bow.
I respect and love my parents,
but some things are never forgotten.
I try to seek inner comfort,
only to find it's become rotten.
Damaged by the neverending trial,
of a stubborn family, unforgiving.
It is hard to feel alone in life,
not able to imagine having no sibling.
As I think about the LIES,
those lies I was fed.
An innocent, caring heart,
accepted those lies,
only to make her DEAD.
Dead inside, only strength from Jesus,
only He can save me now, save us.
at 7:12 am Cali
however hard he tried.
He held our family together as long as he could,
he never hardly cried.
Perhaps, crying will heal his wounds,
just as crying has healed mine.
Jesus Christ weeped to God, the Father,
so, crying must be divine.
My brother takes after my dad,
and I thank the Lord for that.
At times, my dad is TOO sexual,
making me feel defenseless as a rat.
Because I want my brother to hold,
the one thing he can never get back.
Hope that he understands,
what sexual immorality can lack.
I must be patient and wait, God whispers,
I look up and nod, closing my eyes.
I just am sick and tired,
of the constant ungodly lies.
As if one person doesn't struggle enough,
others have to make it MORE tough.
at 7:26 am Cali
crawling and so extremely weak.
I know these sleepless nights will end,
eternal rest I seek.
God says, "seek and you shall find,"
and I walk by faith always.
From now and into the future,
even on my final days.
Rest on Earth is important for health,
however, eternal rest I will recieve.
I must do my work on Earth for Him,
because there is something I believe.
I believe that God has a plan for me,
and it will be a tough battle.
Jesus will lead us home,
just as a farmer leads cattle.
It's amazing how little rest we get,
those only who are weak in spirit.
Although, I believe it is the trials,
that put people through hurt, barely handling it.
Peace and serenity only comes from God,
Without Him, lost in a sea of the dead.