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Game Profiles - B

("owned" means I own it or have previously owned it one way or another)


Bad Dudes - Data East
"THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS! ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO RESCUE THE PRESIDENT?" These are probably the greatest lines to come from a nintendo game. They represent the sheer hokeyness that can come from any given game on the NES. In that area, this game does not dissappoint. In Bad Dudes, you are a "bad dude" (or a one-man amry in a wife-beater and a crew cut) who fights his way through millions of ninjas in order to rescue his beloved president. These ninjas belong to the terrorist organization known as "Dragon Ninja" and come in many varieties. There's your standard blue, red, and grey ones, but you'll also find midget ninjas, flammable ninjas, and even fat ones that vaguely resemble Karnov. What kind of ninjas are these anyway?


Base Wars - Ultra
From Konami's ugly, abused step-sister Ultra comes the coolest baseball idea since the Infield Fly Rule, Base Wars. I haven't been a really big fan of baseball since Daryl Strawberry was traded from the Mets (either that, or when Jose Canseco started to suck), but a baseball game with robots? Robots with tank treads or a motorcycle wheel instead of feet? And add fights? I am so there! Yes...fights, folks. Instead of just getting tagged out at second base, for example, the runner and the 2nd baseman beat the crap out of each other for possesion of said base. Also, since they're robots, they can be given upgrades, such as a better shooter for pitching or a better shoulder for batting. And, yes, weapons for those melees at a tag-up. If only real baseball was this exciting.


Baseball Stars - SNK
I really don't have that much to say about this game. I mean, it is a good baseball game. There were a lot of default teams, but those teams provided a decent variety. Plus, there was a creation mode, as well as a franchise-type mode, where you signed, created, and cut players to fit your budget. It was kind of an innovative baseball game for it time, and a lot of people like it, but...I didn't really care for it for some reason. It seems boring to me. But then again I don't enjoy baseball for the same reason. There's not really that much skill in hitting a ball with a large wooden stick and running around in a circle. Or maybe it's just because pitchers constantly whacked me with a pitch when I played Little League. Baseball isn't fun for a left-handed kid, trust me.


Batman - HudsonSoft
Batman, to me, is the classiest superhero of all time. He didn't have any real superpowers; he was just smart enough (and rich enough) to come up with all these nifty crime-fighting gadgets to aid him in his quest for justice. Plus, his car is really badass. But enough about Batman; what about his game? Well, it sucks. It doesn't really play that well, and some the things in it are just weird. There might have been flame thrower guys and ninjas and stuff in Batman (be it comics, TV, movies, etc), but I don't remember seeing any kamikazee droids or claw weilding cyborgs. At least the Caped Crusader has his Baterang as one of his weapons, or I would have been really dissapointed.


Battle Chess - Data East
I can just imagine what the creators of this game were thinking. "You know, chess is kinda boring. Let's make a chess game that has animated pieces and real battles!" Then some other guy says, "REAL BATTLES! What a concept! It'll be super extreme cool!" Yeah, wow, great idea. Well, you know what? It wasn't a great idea. It's chess. There's nothing more you can do with it. Especially not the way these guys did it. In fact, Battle Chess is even more boring than real chess. The pieces are so slow, and the battle sequences aren't even that great. When I rented this game back in...oh I don't know, I expected that you'd actually be able to control the battles, a la Basewars or something. But no, you get the same little scene every time. This game sucks. Don't play it.


Battletoads - Tradewest
Oh yeah. Battletoads. This game kicked ass back in the day. Actually, it kicked my ass. It was really friggin' hard, and is still considered one of the most difficult games on the NES. But despite it's difficulty, it was still a great game. You take on the role of two super-buff toads, Rash and Zitz (they must've been taking the same drugs the creators of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were taking), and fight against the forces of the Dark Evil Queen, who is holding some princess and your brother Pimple hostage. The Evil Dark Queen is also really hot. Anyways, you punch, kick, and race your way through 13 action-packed levels, enough to keep you on your toes for a while. If only I could get past level 5...

Nester the Great 2006


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