Let me know that I've done wrong
When I've known this all along
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you � All American Rejects �Dirty Little Secret�
Sarah
This is not my leg. I repeat, this is NOT my leg.
Staring down at the intricate little designs including my two initials (which happen to make two sexy looping S�s), a couple leftover yellow streaks along the backside of my calf, and those 4 straight-edged stitches was where my small lump used to live sticking out, now revealing the tender, swollen tissue nearby. Not to mention every time I sat down for too long then went to stand up, I would have sharp pain for 20 seconds straight.
Least they have me hopped up on Vicodin.
My eyes are closing, my mind is shutting down, I don�t even feel like a normal person anymore�oh boy. The surgeon told my mother something scary too. It looked like it was growing. Finger-like projections were coming out of it�yet it still looked benign. How can that possibly be good?
Forgive me for being a pessimist for a moment.
My nights have been restless, my mind has been scattered, and the Vicodin that I take by mouth has numbed my body. Why in the crap did they not give me real pain pills? I�m still aware of the pain, and unlike the label says, I do give a crap that the pain is there.
Why can�t Isaac be here?
My limp is getting better. I stare at the stitches even now, 2 days later of my surgery, and wonder why. Mostly I wonder about why I�m so hard on myself. You should have heard me, making everything so dramatic. �Oh! I can�t even get any of my work done, why can�t I get any of my work done?�
I spent a night before surgery getting my session plan done for music therapy�not kidding. I�m not really exaggerating on the reaction either.
It�s almost as if my body functions the best during dramatic times, which is not what I want. Constantly fluttering around, stressful times piling themselves in front of me�it�s almost as if my heart beats for those moments. Don�t understand it sometimes, but that�s how I feel.
Man I need to get my mind off of this.
Popping 2 more Vicodin into my mouth, down my throat, and scurrying through my system, I snuggle my foot onto the purple body pillow (which has to be above heart level to heal properly) , I try to keep my mind off the impending results of my biopsy and decide to dive into the book I�m reading. �The Color of Water� by James McBride�very interesting indeed book indeed as I open up to where I left off at Chapter 23. I just remember this time last year I was talking to Andrea about borrowing this book and I was reading another book that I would not like shortly. �Me Talk Pretty One Day�.
David Sedaris is just not my style.
Sipping on some Diet Pepsi, I leaned my head back and snuggled my head into the pillow as well when I suddenly heard this loud, deafening siren go off. I jumped up in shock and wondered where it was coming from. Brain on! Come on, you know what this sound is! Grabbing my cell phone and keys in light speed, I sped down the stairs and scurried outside like a wild animal away from a forest fire to be followed by other residents.
Fire drill. Grrr.
A shrill ringing followed. Hearing the Pachelbel Canon ringer, I knew it was Zac and wondered why he would be calling. We hadn�t talked to each other in so long that I almost forgot what it was like to be friends with him. We were so close, then he broke it off because he was being retarded at himself for kissing me when we were drunk�
About damn time he apologized.
I flipped open the phone and smiled gently, pushing the send button and scrunched my toes in the grass outside, knowing it was a stupid move to come out barefoot and looked down at the incision, silently thinking �damn�it�s seeping� and finally spoke, �Big Daddy, what�s up?�
Isaac
Counting the tiles on the ceiling gets old after you�ve done it 15 times in one day. Refueling the body out in the cafeteria gets especially boring after your body begs for you to get up and eat. Forcing yourself to even walk in the direction after Cecily Brown in any part of this wretched dilapidated building is torture.
Writing never gets old.
I�m swimming in a sea of inspiration and my ocean never runs dry. How is it that one girl that I don�t even know that well can have such an impact on my soul? I swear that I was going to fail in life before I met her. I don�t even know what it is; she isn�t an overly-pretty face, to be honest. She does kind of look like she could fit into my dad�s side of the family. Dark hair, dark eyed�with a hint of green. I�ve been close enough to her to see that. I�ve been close enough to her face that she has a couple freckles around her cheeks. I�ve been close enough to her that I�ve seen a couple gray hairs in the very front of her scalp. I�ve also been close enough to her that she does not have a beauty mark on her face. Not to say that she isn�t beautiful in her own way�
Since I�ve seen her, it�s like my heart was taken off ice and was lit up, ready to live again. She gave me hope to get out of here. I knew for a fact when I get out, she�ll be there to help me through everything. She�ll be there to comfort me�and dare I say, love me. She had the surgery�she hasn�t called or anything, but I won�t take it personal. Probably just resting up and taking it easy like the doctor said. That�s the best thing.
Back to my heart being taken off the ice�yeah, it�s almost as if she put a fire under my ass and said �start writing!� It�s like she did really. The simple 70-ply notebooks were numerously sitting on my bed, full of scribbling and random lyrics just sitting around like �you are my sun� and �whoever knew I was incomplete, until I saw a star in your eye� and most appropriately �like Sleeping Beauty, my heart awakened with your kiss, and I knew from then on, I could never find better than you�.
Oh, have I mentioned when I hugged her goodbye, it was like she fit into my arms perfectly?
Then again, I don�t know how many girls I�ve said that about�but none of them fought for me so much in the way that Sarah does now. Sarah truly cares about me. I know Val was just in the relationship because I was famous and �ooh, wouldn�t it be great to hook with a famous Hanson brother? Wait�I can�t hook up with Tay, he�s married, and Zac has Kate, so I might as well take the leftovers�.
First of all�Zac and Kate�I don�t even know what the hell they are. To tell you the truth, Zac can be just as bad as me with women. I�m pretty sure they�re just friends with benefits�cause he has different girls all the time. Or maybe I�m wrong�maybe I�m just imagining Zac going out with different girls and then picking up new ones like they�re on the sale rack, not even telling the older ones goodbye. What a man.
Oh boy�what a hypocrite I am.
Tay, on the other hand, has got to be one of the best damn fathers on the planet. The way he treats Ezra�just makes girls go �ooh�. They�re still melted by his charm. Natalie was totally won over by him and Ezra was�well, let�s just say unexpected. They got married in the response that Tay had from Mom and Dad�and now Penny is here.
I�am completely different from the pack. Even though I had a few minor girlfriends when I was younger, I didn�t hit it onto the dating scene big until I turned 18. When I lost the braces and chopped the hair off, which I thought was a massacre at first but was willing to do, that�s when girls started screaming for me. I mean, REALLY screaming for me. I know I had fans before that�but I had fans like Taylor did�for the looks and not for the substance. I developed a problem for that, but I went out with a couple of them anyways.
Until Val.
Val, like I�ve said before, had a bunch of friends that were a bad influence on her. I heard her brother did some drug dealing and that kind of crept me out. She was different than all the other girls I had dated. She had dirty blonde hair that always fell into her eyes and her eyes held genuine pain. She was manic-depressive, so�yeah, I had to deal with that. She was gone within two weeks once she was sick of seeing Taylor with Natalie all the time�
She mysteriously disappeared.
�After she broke up with me,� I was sitting down in the chair talking to Jeneca. The story�s been bothering me and I never got to finish it, so here I was, lying on the chair and Jeneca was biting the end of her pen cap, looking at me like I�m nuts, �I found it odd that I kept getting calls about her. I went to reconcile with her because we parted on bad terms.�
�And what happened?� Jeneca�s eyes widened, writing random notes on her pad of paper.
�Simple�I went up to her room because her family was on vacation, but her brother kept popping in from time to time�and there she was.�
�In her room?� Jeneca was prodding again as her dark brown hair looked like it was going to pull out of its tight bun and every strand would turn into snakes like Medusa�s and hiss at me to answer.
�Yes�with a bottle of empty pills and a pistol�she was dead.�
�Was there a suicide note?�
�No�but even my brothers don�t know she was poisoned,� I looked at her firmly, my hands shaking and I was hoping to God this wouldn�t make my blood pressure shoot through the roof and kill me like the blood clot almost did, �In the autopsy�they showed a heavy amount of Arsenic.�
Sarah
�Hello.�
I was thrown off by the voice on the other end of the line, �I�m sorry�is Zac there?�
�Yes he is�� the voice was light and feminine, almost prissy, but not overly-cheerleader. The phone was shuffled around and Zac�s voice came on the line.
�Sarah? Hey.�
�Who was that?� I asked curiously. Purely out of curiosity. Wouldn�t you want to know who some girl that you don�t know picks up your friend�s phone is?
�Kate,� he barked out annoyed. My hair slipped nervously through my curly hair and I was kind of nervous to speak to him now. If that�s the way he treated me when he was just feeling bad for making an ass of himself, then I wonder what he would treat me like when he�s really angry, �She�s up for a visit. Not long�she�s still in school.�
�Oh,� I replied quietly, �Well�when can I meet Kate?�
�You don�t want to meet Kate,� his grumble could surprisingly be heard from other people walking down the hallway as I was staring at the walls of my school while I was walking.
I�ll admit it�I�m a total gimp right now.
�Yes I do�if she�s one of your friends�you�ve told me about her,� I tried to play it cool, like his total bitchiness didn�t bother me. I looked inside the vending machine and gasped. Everlasting Gobstoppers! God, I haven�t had any of those in a long time. Scrounging for change in my wallet, I stuck my tongue out and nudged the cell phone between my ear and my shoulder.
Damnit�I need a dime�
�She won�t even be up here long,� Zac argued with me. I know he�s being a bitch about the situation, but it�s time for him to get off his ass and admit he made a mistake. I forgive him�I mean, it�s not like he meant it. He has Kate now so he shouldn�t even be worried about me. He�s always had Kate. I was probably just a temporary escape from losing Cecily. I�ve always been an escape. A fucking escape. For Drew, I was just an escape from being rejected by Kristen. For Clint, I was just an escape from being repeatedly rejected by Gina.
Dare I say�Isaac was just an escape from being rejected by booze?
�Zac�get over it. You kissed me. Big whoop. You�ve kissed a lot of girls. Just add me to the bedpost, okay?� I sighed agitated now. I can�t seem to find a freaking nickel and that�s all I need to put in the machine now. Excavation in the wallet is needed.
�Sarah�I really li-�
�Ah crap,� I muttered, frustrated, �Hold on Zac, I have to put down the phone for a sec,� I put down the phone quickly and finally pulled out the nickel I was looking for approximately 8 seconds later. Slipping it seamlessly into the machine and punching in the letter �F� and the number �2�, the Everlasting Gobstoppers dropped with a clunk into the bottom of the machine and I grabbed them and picked up the phone, �Sorry�just had to dig for a nickel and get my candy.�
Yeah, I�m on a diet. Dripping with sarcasm.
�It�s alright.�
�So what were you saying?� my friends were being dismissed from Symphonic Winds and I was trying to gimp past them into the Music Department to tinker on the piano. My hands grasped onto the Gobstopper box and the Mastering Music piano book as I waved at Kristine and Bethany who were disassembling both their flute and trumpet respectively and sat down in the music computer lab, logging on quickly as Zac was talking.
�Nothing.�
�No really, what were you saying?�
�I�m serious�nothing. Kate and I wanted to go grab a shake at the Steak �n� Shake. Did you want to go?�
�Wait a sec,� my face contorted in a funny face, �The Steak �n� Shake isn�t built yet. Hey�the Park Classic Diner has good shakes. I�d be willing to go if we went there.�
�You just want me to spoil you because you got operated on, huh?�
I smiled coyly, �Yeah, considering you didn�t even come.�
I knew that pushed a button when I heard silence on the other end, �Sarah�I�m sorry about everything. Can you ever love me again?�
I giggled softly, �Well�maybe�if you promise not to steal my Gobstoppers when you see me.�
�Deal.�
And with a click, we were friends again. I popped a sweet yellow Gobstopper in my mouth and smiled. Bliss.
Isaac
Since admitting that Val was poisoned, I have been on edge. I was dying for a shot of good ol� Jack about now. That would sure do the trick. Kill the pain. Then I looked around me and looked at the words I had written. I wrote these when I was sober. When I was weak�not when I was faking being strong. These lyrics came from a healing heart, not a alcohol-ed up one. Fucked up, yes, but not soaked in booze.
It feels like ions since I�ve seen Sarah.
My phone was ringing quietly and I didn�t hear it at first until the 6th ring. I had the same ringer on for everybody else except for Sarah�s. I changed hers to �Mario Brothers Theme Song��like she insisted I do. So I knew by the ringer it wasn�t her. But I didn�t want to answer it�
I stretched my fingers out on my bare stomach, tracing the light hairs that lay there down my happy trail and sighed softly, digging my head into the mattress and tried to forget the ringing. I realized Sarah didn�t say anything about my shaved hair (they actually let me out to get a haircut) as the buzz was creating a static between the sheet and my head. Zac would find that amusing�and Mac would just stick a balloon to my head.
Okay damnit, I�ll answer the phone.
I got up slowly, sluggishly, avoiding the call. I knew for some reason it would be a doozy and flipped it open so quick I didn�t even see the caller ID, �Hello?�
�Hi Ick,� the only other person who ever called me Ick in my life, �Or should I say �Dick�.�
�Amber?�