The colors have built up in my mind
They're bleeding through my heart
And nobody knows that they exist
Look at my bursted veins
Now do you see the red in me
It's a sign for the end � Rooney �Blueside�

Isaac

�Hello,� her voice was cold, her eyes were vindictive, her smile was sweet, and her tattoo was�

Not there.

I stared at it peculiarly as I said, �Hello,� in a monotone voice.

�Have you heard anything from the boys? I haven�t seen them in 4 days.�

�Actually I have,� I looked up at her, trying not to ask suspicious of her, �They�re on their way home�they stayed an extra day.�

�Really? Where�d they go?� Cecily sat down on the edge of the bed, shaking Paris� hand and quickly introducing herself.

Even if she was a member�she was a damn sweet person. And a good actress.

�Cedar Point�they needed to get their minds off me being here,� I thought of the last conversation Sarah and I had together�and I missed her so much.

�Cedar Point? Why wouldn�t they tell me?�

�Well, you�ve been busy with work, Zac told me�� I made up an excuse off the top of my head because he mentioned it on the phone a couple times. To tell the truth�it did sound like he was rather sick of being with Cecily.

�I have�� she stared off into space, either thinking or spacing out. She did both around me, �I�ve been either working, sleeping, or visiting my friend from California. We�ve been planning a celebration.�

�Really?� my eyebrow raised and I snuck a glance down at her wrist again. Maybe I was just looking at the wrong one. I tried to look at the other one, unnoticed, �What�s she like?�

No�no tattoo there either. How could Sarah lie to me like that?

�Her name�s Flora,� Cecily suddenly became guarded again and Paris was looking at me in �WTF� mode, �She�s uh�she�s been going through a blue period in her life lately for the past couple years and she�s needed a lot of guidance in her life.�

Paris gave me an eye�this is her blue period. What a coincidence.

�Her parents were murdered in their sleep a couple years ago,� the tears were increasing in her eyes, �My sister used to be friends with her a long time ago in high school�oh gosh, I think she graduated in 2001. So�she�s Taylor�s age. She�s 22 and she�s an absolutely miserable person. I thought I�d cheer her up��

�How?�

�We were thinking about throwing her a surprise birthday party,� Cecily smiled gently, but I guess, remembered her task and turned her attention back to me, �So�how has Zac been?�

�Good�tired from having too much fun,� I laughed lightly.

�Listen Isaac,� she looked at me firmly as I felt Paris leave my sight and out of the room; for once, someone was more psycho than her, �I know you think I�m a member of the Ladies of the Shadows�I�m sure you think I am actually.�

What? Where did this come from?

�Don�t give me that surprised look,� she looked at me firmly, grabbing my wrist, �Cause I�m not. You see this?�

She went over to the sink in the bathroom of my room, dragging me along, rubbing furiously at her wrist and showed it to me. It was raw from her rubbing, but I could clearly see a red XO tattoo�but it had a thick black X over the whole tattoo, �I�m not a fucking member of that pussy group.�

�How��

�Zac�s told me all about it,� Cecily answered gently, �There�s a lot more to this than you are presently aware of, you know,� her voice erupted into rage again, �Val never committed suicide. Val was just a senseless victim in an act of more serious proportions.�

�I already know she never committed suicide�but how do you know this all?� I inquired softly. I didn�t know at this point if I should be afraid�or trust her.

�Listen, I�ve got to tell you something�� her story began. I started to notice that her tattoo was bleeding�was that even possible? Suddenly, �Fuck this!� and she went for my guitar, grabbing it by the neck, smashing it into the nearest chair once�twice�until it was wooden chards.

And I cried myself to sleep that night.

Sarah

My head was hanging over a toilet and my lunch, dinner, and quite possibly the meals from the other day were falling out of my mouth.

Never�again�

�Are you okay?� Zac was sitting by my side the whole time, stroking my hair and giving me glasses of water.

�I bet I made a great impression on J, he probably hates me now,� I moaned as my brain was pounding against my skull and I moaned, shutting my eyes from the nausea and the pain.

�He doesn�t hate you�he just thinks you overdid it,� Zac helped me up off the floor after I was finally done, 7 visits later. My stomach was still churning, emptied of its contents.

�Did I do anything last night?� I sighed gently, sitting down, listening to Bright Eyes �Lua� in the CD player when we finally got back to the House of Colors�I was even afraid to look at J after that ordeal, �Anything to remind me of Isaac�s birthday?�

�No,� he replied with hesitance and I didn�t want to question it. I was hung over and all I wanted to do was sleep. This royally sucked. My head was killing me.

�I need some sleep,� I cuddled into my pillow, wishing the air would stop making so many loud noises.

�Want me to stay here with you?� he asked softly, nuzzling his nose into my neck.

�Zac�what are you doing?� I looked at him strangely, finding the energy to lift my head up at him, giving me those kind of smiles that Isaac used to give me.

Then again, they do have similar smiles. They are brothers.

�I thought we had something special,� his expression melted from happy to upset. What? What did I do now?

�Zac�I flirt with you, yes, but you�re like my brother�and we play around like we�re brother and sister�would you really kiss your �sister�?� I smiled shyly.

�I already did.�

My eyes went wide in shock as I looked at him, �You�ve kissed Jessica? YOU PERV!� I smacked his arm playfully and he laughed an uneasy laugh. I didn�t notice because, well�I was hung over. But we left it at that.

�No, I want to have SEX! I want to have INCESTUAL RELATIONS!� he laughed, hugging me tightly and crawling into bed with me, grasping my breasts, talking in a Southern accent, �Gawd, my sister is hawt!�

�Shut up,� I pushed him away, not thinking anything of it, and thinking he was joking around like he always was. Little did I know that he was serious�

Zac sighed and got off the bed, leaning on the side on top of the many papers that had ideas for poems littered on the floor, looking at me.

�Look at what we have,� I buried my head in the pillow, letting one eye see him and smiled into the pillow, trying to ignore the pain in my head, �Look at this. It�s perfect the way it is. You�re like the brother I never had, Zac. You�re awesome. And besides�I�m older than you.�

�Ooooh, older woman,� he looked at me and we both laughed in unison.

�Why would you want to ruin what we have?� I smiled. It was almost like he woke up then; he knew I really loved Isaac and was just fooling around with him because I was sad that Isaac was gone. I did miss Isaac terribly and I found solace in Zac, which was definitely a plus.

�I don�t,� his hand rubbed my arm gently as I laid down more comfortably to get some sleep, �I like what we have now. I won�t try to ruin it again.�

�Good�now let me sleep, nerd,� I shooed him off and he walked out of the room without another word.

Wow, bed�the most comfortable thing ever.

Isaac

I couldn�t do it. I couldn�t even function without Clara. Yes I named my guitar, got a problem with it? I found myself growing in anger, which would definitely keep me away from Sarah longer, which sucked royally. Now seeing Cecily every day would royally suck because she�s the one that caused all this shit.

She smashed Clara�as long as she�s off the streets dealing her fucking crack.

I just found out something that is freaking crazy, just like that crazy bitch�she told me that the Ladies of the Shadows aren�t real.

I still think they are.

Besides, what the fuck does she know anyway? Zac is losing her taste for her and she�s feeling left out of the party, I guess, so she�s feeling sorry and wanting to cause drama. That�s how women are. Staring at her from across the lunch tables definitely isn�t very appealing though. She stares at me with this evil, vindictive look, like she could kill me.

Trust me, don�t go there�I already tried that and I couldn�t do it.

The session today was productive. And I mean that in the most tedious, pain-in-the-ass way possible. It is possible to have a brain hemorrhage from hearing myself revealing the most personal things about myself to this woman who was clearly a whore.

Oh wait, I�m looking at Cecily, not Jeneca. Now I�m looking at Jeneca. Hello, Jeneca. Would you like a cheese cracker?

�I am aware that you are not in the best relationship with our newest resident, Cecily Brown,� Jeneca secured the glasses she was wearing to her face. My hands were folded on my stomach as I was laying back in the leather chaise, blinking my eyes free for tears of sorrow of Clara. This felt like one of those shrink evaluations you see on television, how pleasant, �Is this true?�

�Yeah, she broke my fucking guitar,� I suddenly let slip. Damn, why at the most inopportune moment do I have to have a slip like that? At least it wasn�t a Freudian one.

�Hostility,� she mumbled gently and wrote down on her notebook as I continued to murmur obscenities to myself, �Why has she angered you so?�

�She�s in here for more than an anger problem too,� I looked at her with a firm chocolate colored eye, raising my eyebrow. Come on, Jeneca had to be kidding me. Cecily was just an angry person�especially to me.

Nobody knew it about it; I try not to divulge that type of abuse to the public eye.

�Yes I know that Isaac, does her drug use have anything to do with her relationship with you?� everything seemed like it was swirling around the room. I remembered the things that I wasn�t supposed to remember. I did remember Cecily throwing fits after the guys and I would go out with her and she would whine about the meat so much that she harassed Zac, hit Taylor, and also hit me, but I more vividly remembered my mom making pot roast on a cold Saturday evening in February. I missed them. I actually missed my family.

�I imagine so,� I now remembered more about Cecily than I cared to know. I remember catching her rolling a joint before I went out with Lila that night a couple months ago�I thought she just made her own cigarettes, my uncle used to do that, �She has been rather abusive to us when she doesn�t get her fix.�

�Does she?� Jeneca looked up at me, �Well�would you care to tell me a story about that?�

�About what happened?� I looked into her eyes, �Definitely. I�m not the one that harbors a grudge here�she is clearly the one mad at me all the time.�

�Why is she mad?�

�Because of how I was treating Sarah,� I replied without a hitch, �Regardless of her drug addiction, she does give a shit about people.�

�And how were you treating Sarah?�

�I was ignoring her. Before we started going out, I was drunk and I hit her because I was frustrated with my date that night.�

�Do you tend to get incoherent when you�re drunk?�

�Sometimes�it depends on how drunk I get.�

�How many drinks did you have that night?�

�3 strong Car Bombs, that�s it I think.�

�On Halloween, you�ve said a couple sessions ago. Why did you have that particular drink?�

�Because it�s scary,� I chuckled to myself but she wasn�t so amused.

�Why did you decide to take your anger out on her?�

�Do you want me to be honest?�

�Yes, I always want you to be honest, Isaac.�

�Because she was there.�

�That still seems like no excuse.�

�Oh the hell well, she was there. It�s past�what has this got to do with Cecily?�

�Well if you�ve hit Sarah, you�ve obviously got a problem that needs to be attended to and Cecily has the right to worry.�

�I know she does, but this isn�t the point. The point is that I caught her rolling a joint one night before going out. I went in and asked her what she was doing and she acted all defensive about it, but then I realized it didn�t smell like regular tobacco. I accused her of being addicted to pot and she hit me so hard in the stomach that there is still a bruise. See?� I lifted up my shirt and there was still a light yellow/purple-ish patch there.

�Has she done anything else that seems suspicious?�

�I caught her one night with a girl that used to work with our crew�her name was Pip. I saw them both smoking and Pip had this handkerchief hanging out of her jeans. Cecily told me Pip had a new job on a construction crew building houses and such and one of the nails went through her hand, that�s why the handkerchief was all red, like it had blood on it. Her hand was wrapped up and everything. But when I asked about her smoking�well�she wasn�t too happy about it.�

�When was this? Before you got admitted here?�

�Yeah�it was within the month or so I didn�t talk to Sarah. June-ish. I was driving around and she rammed into my car�I wasn�t hurt or anything, but I found a note that said �Leave me the fuck alone� in it�does that give you a clue?�

�Mr. Hanson, there are people taking care of Cecily right now for what she�s done, but you need to not worry about things going on in Cecily�s life and focus on your own problems. Like, with your anger and your drinking, which I presume will cease when you leave this building.�

�Do I have any good news on that, by the way?�

�Yes�if things keep going the way they are before the incident with �Clara�,� she used her hands quoting Clara�s name, like it was a dirty magazine, �you�re allowed out in 2 months.�

I sighed�finally, some good news. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

Sarah

Secretly I�ve had some tests done, I�ve made up with Mom since, but she cried. I haven�t cried, but I�m overwhelmed with fear. It�s come out of nowhere either�and I�m afraid of telling anyone. Oh well, I might as well get it over with.

I�ve had the tests done on my leg. An ultrasound last month, an x-ray and now my first CT Scan, which sucks ass. They still don�t know the results of course. It�s a little superficial lump, I think�

But I need surgery. Oh great. And school�s coming up in a week. Ring the bells. Sarah is now dispensable. Just like everyone else.

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