Why am I such a fucking sap?
Here I was, in front of JC Chasez, Lance Bass and Joey Fatone, ripping my heart out and putting it on my sleeve for them to see. I love Justin, and I told them I'd apologize for being a bitch to him.
Why do I have a feeling everything is going to be fucked up?
"I hope everything goes well," Lance tells me as we are all walking out of the bathroom together.
Yeah Lance. Just stamp "loser" on my forehead now.
"Yeah, me too," I reply unwillingly. It's not that I really want to change or anything, but that seems like the only thing I should do.
Am I just not letting go? Am I making a mistake by keeping this bitch persona I have adopted?
Well, anyways, we walked back into the red room and everyone's eyes fell upon me, like I had broke one of the Ten Commandments and they wanted to shun me out of the room.
Yeah, like: Thou shalt not cuss out the one you love, you mother fucking bitch.
Justin is giving me the evil eye as I near him and Chris, Chris backing up from Justin. He could tell I had something important to say to the big, bad, blue-eyed boy.
If only my heart weren't racing so fast...
"What the fuck do you want?" he asked me. I could see the anger in his eyes was very strong for me as I was about ready to burst into another fit of tears.
I will not cry, not in front of the man I love. I'm stronger than that…
"I wanted to apologize for hat I said to you," I swallowed my fear, holding back tears still, "They were uncalled for and I really want us to be friends."
When did you suddenly turn so sensitive, Jade?
I looked back at JC, Lance and Joey and they are all smiling at me. I smile back to them sweetly, but knowing that they were thinking they were the masterminds behind this whole apology.
Well, fuck them. I was willing to go through with it.
I turn back around to face my prince, who is still giving me an angry glare and he crossed his arms and asked me, "Did they ask you to do this?"
Well doi! Are you fucking Einstein now?
"Yes, but I was willing to do it, and I would have even if they wouldn't have told me," I told him strongly, pushing my shoulders back and my breasts forwards, looking full of myself.
Bad move, Vincent.
"Oh, so you think you're hot stuff, huh?" he stood up quickly, yelling into my face, "You think you're so great for getting the fucking guts to say that to me, don't you?"
God, let this day be over, please.
"Britney doesn't deserve such a good man," I state clearly, straightening out until with my 6-inch heels I was as tall as him, "You deserve so much better."
Why do I always have to fuck things up?
"You bitch!" he yelled, slapping a strong backhand across my face, sending me off my heels and onto the floor.
With an earth shattering thump.
"I told you I'd never be friends with you, even if you changed!" he yelled back down to my slumped figure, "And you say that about Britney like I would want a piece of dirty white trash like you!"
Now that was just wrong of you. Completely wrong.
"You're such a piece of shit!" he pulled me up by my hair roughly and gave me a threatening look with his eyes, the eyes that I still loved, "You have no fucking right to say I deserve better! I love Britney!"
But you do deserve better. If only you didn't see my fake side.
Chris and Joey quickly rushed to Justin and grabbed him by the arms, making him release my hair, and restrained him from so-called "hurting" me.
But I would never consider a harsh action by Justin to me "hurting" me. I just love to be near him.
"Let me the fuck go!" Justin yelled, quickly pulling himself from their grasps and rushing over to me like a mad man, "I've got to teach her a lesson!"
That's when the unthinkable happened.
Joey and Chris tried to stop him, but Justin wrapped his strong hands around my neck and started to tightly squeeze it.
That's funny, I feel lightheaded...