What If......
Mega Man married Princess Toadstool?
This thought has run through my head many times, whether I'm drinking Crystal Pepsi, listening to Tears for Fears, or watching The Lost Boys. I know it's kinda weird and all, considering Megaman is half robot, and the princess is ALL woman (hell yeh, she is). But everytime I ponder this situation, a smile comes to my face.
MegaMan goes to a rock n roll concert one night in Pasadena, California. The Red Hot Chili Peppers play all of his favorite songs, especially "Give it Away Now", and all seems well. Dehydrated from screaming "What I got you got to give it your mama," he decides to buy a drink. Out in the lobby he sees the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on. She is wearing a pink, ruffled dress and a crown. "WOW," says Megaman, his harddrive kicking in. For some reason the girl is crying. Calling upon his canine companian, Rush, he zooms over to her and asks her what is wrong.
"It's Mario, he he...oh no!!!! King Koopa is trying to take over Mushroom Kingdom and my lover Mario went to stop him!! I am so worried for my dear plumber."
"I am sorry to hear that," says Megaman. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"The only thing I can think of would be to get a hold of Kirk Cameron."
So Megaman calls the Kirkmeister and Kirk invites him over. They discuss politics and the recent developments in acid-washing jeans. Kirk tells him to murder Mario and buy the Maniac Mansion. So Megaman does these things and marries Princess Toadstool. They have the best marriage ever, for quite a long time. They stay up all hours of the night, honing their skills in Battletoads, Fester's Quest, and Bionic Commando. They make regular visits to Bradlees for sneakers and Lite-brites. Their favorite thing to do is watch Perfect Strangers, curled up in a blanket. All is good for a time, until Michael J. Fox gets jealous. He decides that Megaman must be killed. So he gets into the Delorean, eats a dog log, and goes back to Dr. Light's laboratory, thirty years in the past. He kills Dr. Light before he can create Megaman. Marty goes back to present day and marries the Princess. They go to Denny's and prank the Sugar Loaf Company a lot. |
