Sally's Dark Side

June, 1980

It was opening day for The Empire Strikes Back. Sally and her father stood in line for more than an hour in front of the Skyline Movie Theater. Once inside, they bought Raisonettes, two small cokes, and a large popcorn. By the time her father got through paying for their overpriced snacks, the whole place was almost full. They looked around and the only two seats they could find together were three rows from the back. They squeezed down the aisle and sat down.

Sally was so excited to see it. But not because she had seen the first movie. She was only six then, and was left with a babysitter when her parents went. But she was now nine years old and she had begged her dad for a week to take her to see this one. It was all everyone was talking about. The Empire Strikes Back movie was supposed to be bigger and better than the first, although Sally wouldn’t know if it was. It would be a full two years later before she saw Star Wars. But as she sat there in the red fold down movie seat, holding her daddy’s hand, she couldn’t care less.

It was the first time she had seen the place packed to the rafters with people. Kids were throwing popcorn at each other down front, guys had their arms around their girlfriend’s necks, and the whole room was so loud with everyone laughing and talking that she could barely hear her father’s voice.

“Want some more popcorn, honey?”

Sally grinned and took a big handful. He smiled back at her, but she could see the pain in his face. Anxious tears lined his red eyelids. Sally’s mother wasn’t with them because they had been fighting again. Ever since he was laid off he hadn’t been the same. He was drinking a lot. Beer mostly, sometimes whiskey. By now Sally could tell the difference on his breath. Today was just beer. He had a couple before they had left the house. The faint aroma of the Miller Genuine draft on his tongue was soon replaced with buttery popcorn. He tried very hard to look happy, for his daughter’s sake. He really wanted her to have a good time.

The lights went out, the curtain opened, and he gave Sally’s hand a tighter squeeze. The screen lit up with the bright white of the projector and she looked up at him. That would be the last night she saw her father as the kind man that she loved so dearly. Yes, he and her mom had been fighting, but the kindness in his heart was still there. He still loved them very much. They were just going through a rough time with losing his job and all. And perhaps he would’ve come out of it, if the terrible news hadn’t have come the very next day. It was the phone call that tore out her father’s soul and started him on that dark path that eventually would be the end of him.

But that was tomorrow. Today was the first time she had seen Luke Skywalker on the big screen. She drank her whole coke and part of her dad’s and had to pee through most of the movie. She thought her bladder might burst during the light saber duel on Cloud City. But she couldn’t leave. There was no way she was going to miss a moment of it. Even if it meant urinating right there in her seat. It was a true religious experience, and she had faith that she would not pee her pants, at least until after the movie.

Luke found out that Vader was his father, Princess Leia and the others escaped in the Millenium Falcon, and Han Solo would remain frozen in Carbonite until the opening of Return of the Jedi, three years later. The credits rolled and the lights came on, illuminating the sea of people that had begun to stand and pick up their purses and coats. At that moment determination was no longer enough to hold her bladder closed. She had lost the faith. The faith that good would always triumph over evil and everyone would live happily ever after, and faith that her pee would not soak into the little theater seat and drip onto the white tile floor.

She looked around nervously to see if anyone had just seen her accident. But not even her father was paying attention. He was looking toward the end of the isle, wishing those people would hurry up and let him out. Sally quickly tied her brown jacket around her waist and rushed out of the theater. She was scared that someone would notice the dark wet spot that ran all down her legs. A few minutes later her father found his way onto the sidewalk. “Come on daddy, hurry.”

“What’s the rush?” His eyes scanned the parking lot for the car.

“No rush. I just wanna go home.”

“Ok, honey, just help me find the car.”

“It’s over here, come on.”

She ran like lightening over to the blue firebird, and stood in its shadow. She glanced around one more time to make sure nobody was staring at her laughing. Nobody was. Her dad opened the door for her and she jumped into the back seat.

“Whacha ridin’ back there for?”

“I just want to, that’s all.”

“Ok, ok,” he said as he closed the door.

Nobody saw. It’s okay now.

Her butt was cold and wet against the vinyl seat. All the way home she imagined herself as a Jedi knight dueling with Darth Vader. She imagined flying at light speed in a space ship. She imagined the look on the Theater attendant's face when he slipped in her puddle of pee. When they got home she would go straight to her room and changed into her night gown. No one would ever know. She would get away with it because her father would be to preoccupied with getting to those ten bottles of beer in the fridge, because her mom would be too interested in yelling at her dad some more, but mostly because the force would be with her. It was the force that allowed Luke Skywalker to levitate boxes, Darth Vader choke people, and it also allowed little girls get away with peeing themselves. That was her nine-year-old logic, and it made perfect sense to her.

And when they got home, it was just as she had foreseen it would be. Mom yelled at dad. Dad headed straight to the refrigerator, and she went upstairs to her room unnoticed.

After she changed clothes she sat at the top of the stairs, listening to them, once again, as always, same as it ever was.

“Get off your ass and go find another job,” mom would say.

“It’s not that easy to find a good job,” dad would say.

“All that drinking you’re doing isn’t gonna help anything,” she would say.

“All the bitching you’re doin’ ain’t helping either,” he would say.

“Screw you.”

“Go to hell.”

“Fuck you.”

Sally pretended that she was Darth Vader, choking them with the force. They would both drop to their knees, unable to breathe. Forgive us, they would say. We won’t fight anymore. But they did fight more. What seemed like forever to Sally was about two hours in earth time. Downstairs finally got dark and quiet, and Sally went to bed.

The next morning sally got up early. She went down stairs and turned on the television. Bugs Bunny was once again tricking Daffy Duck into getting shot in the face by Elmer Fudd. She walked into the kitchen and saw that her dad was on the phone. It was awfully early for him to be up after a night of drinking. But there he was, and her mom was standing there with him. She had a desperate look in her face and she was about to cry. Her father turned around slowly, not saying a word. He was just listening to the person on the other end. And he was crying. Tears were streaming all down his cheeks and hanging at the bottom of his chin. Sally had never seen him this way. He never spoke one word into that receiver, he just turned, handed the phone to his wife, and stood there. The shocked look on his face was terrifying. Sally had no idea what they were being told, but she started to cry anyway. She felt helpless and scared.

“What’s wrong daddy?” she choked through her tears.

Her father said nothing, and walked into the bedroom. A few minutes later, he came out, grabbed the car keys off of the kitchen table, and left. Sally’s mom hung up the phone and kneeled down on the floor in front of her.

“Honey,” she said in a wobbly voice, “there has been a terrible accident.”

Sally looked into her mother’s eyes, afraid of what she would hear next.

“Your uncle Al got into a car crash last night.”

She paused, not really knowing what to say, and then finally, “He didn’t make it, honey.”

They gave each other a hug right there on the black and white linoleum floor. Both of them cried. Sally’s uncle was dead. He was her father’s big brother, and he was only thirty-two years old. He was the guy that played lawn darts with her on Saturdays. He was the one who always watched football with her daddy on Sundays. He worked on their car when it broke down. Lately he was the only one who could still make her daddy smile. He had been his very best friend.

The next time they saw her dad was two days later. It was Monday afternoon, and Sally had just gotten home from school. The front door flew open, and in stumbled her dad, still wearing the same clothes he had on Saturday. He looked around and mumbled something under his breath. He left the door wide open and walked into the bedroom, gripping a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. A cloud of sweat and booze followed him in. Sally’s mom got up and joined them, closing the door behind her. Sally had a pretty good idea of what would come next and went upstairs. The whole living room reeked of the dark side of the force and she was afraid. She was afraid of the yelling. Afraid that he might leave again and never come back, and afraid that he might stay.

Will the screaming ever end?

She sat down on the floor in the corner of her room. She concentrated very hard on the Ping-Pong ball on the desk. She was sure that if she tried hard enough, she could move it with her mind. She held out her hand toward it. She squinted and wrinkled her nose. The ball didn’t move. It just sat there, mocking her.

I’m not gonna move, you silly girl. No way.

She gritted her teeth. Nothing. She scrunched her hand into a fist.

Nothing.

Try all you want, silly. I’m not going anywhere. She pushed her eyes closed as tight as she could. The little Ping-Pong ball was motionless.

“Fuck you ball!” she yelled as she kicked the desk.

The ball rolled off onto the floor.

“See? I can move you if I want.”

She slid over and picked it up.

“I can smash you, if I want.”

She threw it as hard as she could against the wall. It didn’t smash. I just bounced off, and landed under her bed.

Sally scooted back into the corner and closed her eyes again. She concentrated on Vader's force choke again. The yelling downstairs was getting louder. This time she didn’t imagine herself suffocating both of them, just her dad.

April 5, 1991

Sally woke up crying. Everything from that day seemed so real. Everything except the Ping-Pong ball. In her dream it was a glowing red sphere. But now, sitting up in bed at 2:00 AM, it was back to a little white ball. She still had it, and it was sitting across the room from her on top of the dresser.

She looked over at it with that same crinkled nose stare, “I always hated you, fucker.”

She had no idea why she had kept it all of these years. Sally wiped the salty tears off her lips with the back of her hand, and laid back down.

You can’t move me, silly girl.

“Shut the hell up,” she said just before falling back to sleep.

July 1980

The fighting continued for weeks and weeks. Sally, most of the time, would come home from school and go straight to her room. She would stay there until her mom called her for supper. That was the most quiet time that they had. Nobody said a word. They would just sit down at the table and eat. That was it.

No how was your day, or any of that. Then, on a Thursday, at about five o’clock or so, it happened. They were all sitting at the table, staring into the mashed potatoes, and her mom said something quite out of the blue.

She looked up at her husband and said, “I want a divorce.”

He just stared at her for a moment, took a big swig of his beer, and sat there. Then, he got up from his seat, leaned down close to Sally’s mom, and slapped her very hard across her face. So hard in fact, she fell out of her chair and onto the floor.

Sally screamed, “Mommy!”

Her mom got up, and stared right into his eyes, “If you ever touch me again, you son of a Bitch I’ll...”

But before she could finish, he hit her again. Little droplets of blood flew across the room. That time his fist was closed and it made a crack sound across her jaw. Sally was screaming uncontrollably. She darted to her mother, who was lying on the low pile carpet. Her father stepped over both of them, went in and flopped down on the couch.

Sally was almost ready. She was sporting her usual look. Black skirt, ankle high boots, black bra, and see-through black lace shirt. Not to mention the leather jacket and bright red lipstick. She was just putting the finishing touches on her makeup when they honked the horn. She ignored it and went to the kitchen to get something to eat. The horn sounded again as she was pulling the milk from the refrigerator.

Looking towards the window she yelled, “Fuck you guys, you’re early.”

The milk was poured over a bowl full of Rice Crispies. She was not at all worried that they might leave without her. She was the life of their so-called little party. John and Bob both had a crush on her, and Cindy would not get stuck, the only girl in a car full of guys. It just wouldn’t happen. One of them would get their lazy ass out of the car and knock like a normal person eventually. Sally sat there totally confident with Snap, Crackle, and Pop. Sure enough, a knock rattled the screen door.

“It’s open!”

She looked over. It was Cindy.

“Come on Sal. Hurry up!” she spouted as she walked in.

“You guys are ten minutes early.”

She went back to her crunching. Cindy looked back at the window to make sure one of the guys hadn’t followed her in.

“Sal, do you think Johnny likes me?”

“Sure, sure.” Sally was busy reading the back of the cereal box.

“I mean do you think he like likes me. You know.”

Cindy could be so pathetic sometimes. It was like she exhaled insecurity.

“Have you been smoking crack today? You don’t want John. You can do way better than him.”

Cindy looked at the table, “I don’t know, maybe...” She sounded defeated.

“Anyway, we’re all just friends.”

Sally raised the bowl up to her lips and slurped out the last of the milk. “There’s a guy out there somewhere for you. I promise. But, if you really want Johnny, quit asking me about it, and ask him.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Sally got up and put on her jacket.

“Don’t be sorry. Let’s just have a good time tonight, okay?”

“Okay.”

“What are we doing anyway?”

“Who knows.”

They walked out to the beat up Chevy. Bobby was in the backseat, John in the front passenger side. Cindy had been driving. Sally went around the car, leaned down to look in the window at John.

“Get in the back,” she said self confidently.

“No way. I called shotgun.”

“Goddamn, you guys are so immature.”

She glanced over to the broken side view mirror and then back at him, “Can you just turn down the testosterone a couple of notches? I wanna talk to Cindy for a while.”

“Two guys can’t ride in the back seat together. They’d look like fags.”

Sally looked at him and almost laughed, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Bob added his thoughts from the back seat, “It’s true. We would look like fags.”

Cindy was laughing, “You look like fags anyway.”

A hearty “fuck you” resounded from the passenger seat.

“But I could drive if you want,” Bob said.

Sally’s eyes rolled, “You’re telling me, it’s okay for two guys to be in the front, but not the back?”

“Yeah, that’s okay,” John said looking at Bob.

“Jesus Christ, you people are insane,” Sally shouted over Cindy’s laughing.

Bob hopped in the driver’s seat and the girls got in the back. The car backed out of the driveway and headed down Ninth Street.

“Well, here we are,” Sally said to Cindy.

“Yeah, in the back seat no less.”

“I guess that makes us lovers.”

“Oh Sally!”

“Oh Cindy, give it to me baby!”

They were both laughing and hugging each other.

Sally pretended to give her girlfriend a big kiss, “Mmmmmm.”

“Screw you guys,” John barked from the front.

“Real funny,” Bobby added.

An old man walking his dog on the corner of Elm Street saw the two girls apparently getting it on in the back seat of the Chevy nova as it passed by. He just shook his head and looked back down at his yard.

“I think you just gave that guy back there a stroke.”

The girls just smiled and waved.

Sally had no idea what they were going to do that night. None of the others knew either. But they were together, and that was all that mattered. It was going to be fun.

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