Ye Wannabe-Sam Test

Another survey, classics non-related, written by Ephor, coded by Archon with some Ephory tweaks. Now, Mister User, in case you really can't put yourself in the position of these questions, I've found it may help to substitute the name "Mister Frodo" to "Mister (best mate/love interest here)." Go on, now, and fill out the questions best as you can!

  1. Tell me honest, now, Mister User, can you cook?
     a) Why you rapscallion! I was rustling up conies with rosemary when you was burning water!
    b) Well now, I've been known to cook fullscale dinners for my folks with proper-like aid and assistance.
    c) I've a pretty fair hand at cakes, cookies, icing and the like. I can't say I'm above using mixes from time to time!
    d) I can boil an egg or two... when me gaffer can't be bothered.

  2. Now, let's say you're a-clipping away at the hedges when you hear a juicy bit of gossip. Just what do you think you'd do?
     a) Why, I'd drop me shears and listen, of course! I never could resist them stories.
    b) I'd close my ears and continue with my work, I can tell you. It ain't proper, eavesdropping.
    c) Never cared much for people-talk, meself. I can't say it would interest me.
    d) And just why would I be doing a thing like gardening? Tell me another one!

  3. Strange and magical beasties?
     a) Lord love me, but I do adore exotic creatures! ...when taken in proportion, of course.
    b) Most certainly not! Nothing outdoes our very own critters in the Shire.
    c) To be honest, I don't believe they exist, Mister.
    d) Ay, I reckon they'd make a tasty snack.

  4. Now then, say you've a wish granted. What would you use it for, assuming meddlin' with other persons (eg, Mister Frodo) is off the 'allowed' list?
     a) Why, I suppose I'd go and see something grand--Elves or oliphants maybe!
    b) I'd wish meself rich beyond the dreams of the Sackville-Bagginses!
    c) Well, now, I've been meaning to find a good toaster to replace the one me gaffer left me.
    d) Magic wishes, now! Hain't no such thing, so I refuse to answer that so-called question.

  5. Mister User, if you was to see Master Frodo in his birthday suit, what would you do?
     a) I'd give him a smooch, a hug, and sing to him to sleep in my arms. And shame on you for askin'!
    b) You can bet your bottom that I'd look away and blush! ...that simply ain't proper, Mister Ephor. T'ain't right. *shudder*
    c) I'd stop smoking that new weed I'd been trying.
    d) I'd give him a right beating, that's what! Show HIM for not being respectable!

  6. Lord love the Party Tree--ain't that right, Mister User?
     a) I should say so! I dare say it's even better than most trees; I practically grew up in it!
    b) I guess so. Good for parties and such, isn't it?
    c) ... It's a tree. It's a Party Tree.
    d) I should say so! Excellent firewood.

  7. Frodo? Or Rosie? Or Frodo...?
     a) Honest, mister, you tear me in two! Might as well ask me to choose between happiness and security. I need them both!
    b) Rosie, of course. Home over heart!
    c) Begging your pardon, Mister Ephor, but who's Rosie? Never read that far ahead, meself...
    d) Neither--Arrr! Eye'd rather choose a pirate's life!

  8. No, really. Choose.
     a) Well, Gaffer always wanted grandchildren, and I've a duty to the Shire. I suppose I'll have to choose Rosie--for now. I can always join Mister Frodo later.
    b) Rosie Cotton, and no question about it.
    c) But I still have no idea who this "Rosie" character is!
    d) Oh, foine. Frodo. Who cares about taking care of the Shire?

  9. You catch a strange character, of whom you've always been suspicious, lurkin' about the sleeping Mister Frodo--although to tell the truth, he's acting soft and nice. What do you do?
     a) A strange character? By MY Frodo? I don't care what he's doing--I'd give him a few sharp words to scare him off, and he's lucky I don't give him a thrashin' as well!
    b) Oh, he's doing no harm. I'd let him be.
    c) I'd keep a wary eye (never can be too careful) but I'll wait until the strange character tries to pull something to actually act.
    d) I'd slip the character a big stick--I still haven't forgot about that "birthday suit" incident!

  10. Mister Frodo's sick and like to die! Mister User, what would you do, knowing he's in good hands?
     a) I'd stay by his side all night and all day and make him better by force of me will!
    b) I'd fret and drop in occasionally.
    c) There's nothing I can do, and there's no use in worrying. In the meantime, Merry and Pippin and a stack of the best food need tending to.
    d) Wait 'till Gandalf hears and arrives... and then steal his cool hat!
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