Let me tell you how it all began.

In the beginning everything is all mixed-up together until you can hardly tell where one thing ends and where the next begins. Everything is dancing and singing and screaming and yodeling for no reason but the joy of doing it. Now, this is going on for a mighty long time (although no one really knows how long; in those days seconds and minutes and suchlike never cared how long they were or what order they came in) However, this wild state of affairs can not continue forever.

As I am sure you can imagine, all this singing and shouting and dancing is making a lot of noise, and this noise wakes up God. God is not happy at being woken up so rudely and he is determined to find out who is responsible. So, God stomps over to where all the hullabaloo is coming from�It is not hard for him to trace the source of this disturbance because, as I said, a lot of noise is being made�and he discovers the chaotic scene described above.

"WHAT�S THIS?" shouts God (he has to shout to be heard over the noise) "STOP THAT NOISE! AND STOP THAT DANCING AND SCREAMING AND YODELING, YOU LOOK RIGHT IDIOTS!"

Now everything is so startled at God�s shouting that they stop their noise and look up at God.

"That�s better," says God, "now get to work�I can�t have you acting like a bunch of crazy hooligans now can I? It wouldn�t be proper."

Now everything sort of hangs its heads and shuffles its feet and the like, and God sees they do not know how to work. So, he sets about telling them what to do.

"Earth," says God, "you must be solid and never dance and sing. You must give the plants a place to dig their roots and the little animals a place to dig their roots."

Earth nods his head and goes right off to do so, not wanting to disappoint God.

"Wind!" says God, "you must blow all over the earth and make the leaves of the trees shake and shudder when you pass."

Wind nods her head and goes right off to do so, not wanting to disappoint God.

And, God tells Sun and Sea and all the animals and all the plants what they are to do. And, the sun and the sea and all the animals and all the plants do as he says because they love him and do not want to disappoint him. Now, as you can imagine God is looking pretty pleased with his work, and he is just going back to bed when he notices Man hiding.

"Oh-ho!" says God, "What have we here? Man! Why are you hiding? Oh, it doesn�t matter! You must build house of mud bricks and, uhh� eat lots of potatoes."

Now, this does not make Man happy, and he says to god, "Who are you to order me about? I want to dance and sing and scream and yodel and do whatever else I please! And I certainly do not want to build houses and eat potatoes!" Man makes a face to show how much he hates potatoes.

As you can imagine God is extremely shocked, "Don�t make faces like that!" he stutters, "your face will stick like that."

This does not bother Man at all, he just makes an even nastier face and starts dancing around God singing "Nya-nya-nya-nya-nyaaa!" This makes God angry, "STOP THAT! STOP THAT!" shouts God. Now, although he does not like to admit it, this scares Man a little. Man runs away and hides away in a cave. God looks for Man, but gives up when he can not find him.

When Man is sure God is gone he sneaks out of the cave, thoughts of revenge against God�s imagined insult foremost in his mind. Man plays all sort of tricks on the near-by plants and animals, knowing that orderly God will hate his chaotic pranks. He paints blotchy spots on Leopard and mad stripes on Tiger. He stretches out Giraffe�s neck to a ridiculous length (though Giraffe doesn�t mind and thinks it looks distinguished). And, in a very short time indeed Man�s wild and reckless attitude is spreading to everything around him. Soon Earth, himself, has caught it and has started shaking and burping up lava in his exuberance.

God is pretty upset to see things so chaotic but he does not know what to do, he does not know what is causing this disorder. It is possible that Man could have continued his mad pranks indefinitely, but he is doing something stupid, he is cutting off Snake�s legs as a prank. Man might have talked his way out of trouble if it had been anyone else, but Snake is not only very vain, but she is also very stubborn and vengeful. Snake is determined to be revenged so she goes straight to God, and she tells him that Man is the one responsible for the disregard for God�s order, and that the only way to stop man is to smite him with a thunderbolt. However God is kind and merciful and, much to Snake�s dismay, he decides that Man only needs some civilized companionship. So sends for Dog, whom he knows to be unfailingly loyal and law abiding�God thinks he will be a good influence on Man.

"Dog," says God, "I have a very special job for you�I want you to go to man and serve him and be his friend, and maybe he will leave my world alone."

As you can imagine, Dog does not like this. He has heard of Man and his pranks and does not approve. But, Dog does not say anything because he loves God so much and does not want to disappoint him. So dog goes to be Man�s servant, but Dog�s undying devotion does not curb Man�s vicious pranks. Indeed, Man finds that with Dog�s help he is able to hunt and kill the other animals around him, and he finds he likes doing this very much indeed and that he knows God will hate it. Furthermore, Man teaches some of his good friends, such as tiger, wolf, and alligator, to hunt as well. But, Man never rewards Dog for his service; he only kicks Dog and shouts at Dog and hits Dog with his newspaper. However, faithful Dog never complains, he does not want to disappoint God by abandoning his duty.

God is greatly dismayed by Man�s behavior, it is obvious that Dog was not the solution to the problem, but he can not think of a better way to mend Man�s ways. He thinks and thinks and thinks, and is just about to do as Snake suggested when an idea comes to him. "I know!" says God to himself, "Man just needs to travel more, he is doing these things because he is bored! I will send Horse to him so he can go to new places where he will not be so bored." God does just this, but when Man rides Horse it is only to help in his hunt or in war. When Man is not hunting and warring he does not treat Horse as a valued friend and colleague, but instead straps him to a plow and makes him dig deep furrows in the ground with it. Poor horse spends most of his time in the fields now slaving away so Man can eat well, while all he gets is a bucket of raw oats and a lashing with the whip when Man thinks he is not working hard enough.

"Oh dear, Oh dear," says God, "This is not working out at all! I am beginning to think Man is an incurable delinquent. Something must be done, but what? But what?" He asks himself this, again and again, but he finds no answer. So, it was that he is just preparing a thunderbolt to smite Man with when another idea comes to him.

"I know what is wrong, Man wants a wife! There is no other possible explanation." God considers many potential wives for Man, but none seem satisfactory. He knows that a meek and gentle wife like Mouse or Swallow will never be able to stand up to him, but neither that man will never accept a powerful beast like Elephant or Rhino as his wife. In the end, he admits that there is no creature on earth that is capable of being Man�s wife. Eventually he comes to recognize the terrible truth that a wife that can influence and manipulate Man must have a deep understanding of him, and no creature without a little of Man in her would be able to understand him. Realizing this, he goes to Man while he is sleeping and takes a drop of Man�s blood. From this blood he forms another creature, very much like man at first glance, but subtly different. This creature is smaller and lighter than Man, and is a slightly different shape as well�but it is clear when God looks in her eyes that the two creatures share the same devious cunning and rebellion.

"Woman!" says God, "Go to Man and be his wife."

Woman makes a mocking curtsy, "Oh yes, whatever you say, your mightiness!" she says, her voice full of sarcasm.

"I need you to cure Man of his evil ways."

"You don�t ask for much do you?"

"Well, I like to think I�m reasonable." says God.

Woman raises an eyebrow skeptically, "Well, you�re in luck, I�ve got a plan."

"Oh good! What is it?"

"I can�t tell you that, it might get out." Says Woman, who enjoys keeping secrets. "I must be going, if I am going to cure all of Man�s many evil ways I had better start now. " and with that she departs in search of Man.

Woman finds him soon after. She notes with some disapproval that he is still living in a cave to defy God. She whistles into the damp darkness and Man comes to the mouth of the cave to see who is there.

"What do you want?" asks he.

"I would like to be your wife." she answers simply.

"No, you�re too ugly"

As you can imagine, this makes Woman very angry indeed, but she just bites her lip and says, "Yes, you are right. I am ugly�but I would love you and I would work hard." Woman smiles charmingly.

"Well, then, I suppose that�s alright�" says Man, thinking that he certainly has nothing to lose, and that maybe Woman is not so plain as all that.

"Oh good!" says Woman.

They are married right away, and as soon as they are Man starts to treat her like his servant. "Fetch my slippers!" he shouts, or "Bring me my supper!", and when she does he always complains that she took too long, or that the food was too cold or something similar, and she would bow her head and say that he was right, of course. And, when he was hurt or feeling ill she would comfort him and stroke his head. She keeps the house clean, cooks the meals, mends clothing, and does many other little things around and about the house. As you can imagine, this made God a little nervous�he has been expecting Woman to whip Man into shape, with a big stick if necessary, as soon as she arrived. Instead she was cooking and cleaning and man had not changed his ways one bit. So one night God sneaks into Man�s house to talk to Woman.

"What�s wrong?" asks God, "Why is he still causing trouble? Why is it taking you so long?"

"Patience, patience," smiles Woman "everything is going according to plan."

"Some plan," grumbles God, "you act like his slave and he treats you like one�I can see that�s going to work out just great!"

"Don�t worry, I swear to you that this is what I�ve been hoping would happen�I�d tell you more, but I want it to be a surprise."

God looks at her quizzically, "Well�if you say so�"

"I do."

"Alright, then. If you�re satisfied, I�m satisfied." Says God doubtfully, and with that, he vanishes into the night.

This state of affairs continues for many years until, suddenly, Woman leaves. Man does not notice at first because he is out hunting at the time, but when he gets home, it is immediately apparent. Instead of the usual smell of baking bread and charred meat, there is only the smell of damp cave and Dog.

"Woman!" shouts Man, "Woman! Where is my dinner? Woman!" There is no response but the faint noises of Dog and Horse outside. "Woman? Where are you? Come out!"

Man is getting nervous now. He looks all around the house and in the fields, in the surrounding woods and in the house again.

"No matter," says Man, "I don�t need her. I lived without her before, I can live without her again." his words sound false even in his own ears. The next week is a torment for Man as he is forced to realize that he can not live without Woman to sew and cook and clean and, most of all, to stroke his head and sympathize. He finds that he can no longer stomach his own poorly cooked meals and his attempts at mending his own clothes result only in bruised fingers and broken needles. It takes him all this time to conquer his pride but by the end of that week he has decided that he will do whatever it takes, no matter how humiliating, to get her back. So Man goes to God and asks, with his face all red, where Woman is. God immediately grasps what Woman�s plan is, and he decides to take advantage of it.

"Well�" says God, "I might. It depends on what you�ll do for me."

"What?"

"You don�t expect something from nothing do you?"

"Alright, alright, fair enough. What do you want?"

"A little more respect for a start!"

"Fine! What do you want, sir?"

"Better. I want you to stop messing with my animals�I like my swans the way they are, I really don�t think they would be improved by pink polka-dots and three foot beaks, or whatever you were planning for them."

"Fine, now wi�"

"Ahem."

"Fine sir! Now will you tell me where she is?"

God looks at his fingers contemplatively, "Well, I�ll look for her, but you�ll have to convince her to come back."

Man laughs, thinking of meek, kind Woman, "That�ll be easy." God quickly locates Woman and takes Man to the wooded grove she is camping out in, then moves to off a little so he can observe from a safe distance.

"Stop this foolishness, and come home right now!" says Man.

"Wait a minute," says Woman, "maybe I don�t want to come back."

"What?" says Man, dumbfounded. He has never seen Woman actually stand up to him, and it catches him completely off guard, much to God�s amusement.

"Maybe I don�t want to go back to that damp, smelly cave. Maybe I want to live in a nice brick house."

"No!"

"Oh, well okay then." Says woman, and she turns her back, as if to leave. Man thinks about the last week that he has spent without Woman, and decides that he can�t live like that.

Glaring at God, he says, "Fine! You can have your stupid brick house! Now will you come back with me?"

"Oh, gee�I don�t know. I really like potatoes, and we never get to eat any�"

"Fine!"

"Oh, and there is just one other thing," says Woman, "I wish you wouldn�t go hunting all the time, I�m always so worried you�ll get hurt!"

"No."

"Oh goo�What?!" says Woman.

"What?!" says God

"There is no way you can convince me to give up hunting." Says man heatedly.

"Are you so sure about that?" asks Woman, gritting her teeth and dropping her eyebrows.

A long and rather violent discussion follows, and about two hours later three figures emerge. Man and Woman look angry, God looks pale. After this, a rather unsteady alliance emerges between Man and Woman; they both know that they can only push the other to a certain point, and that going beyond that point can mean unstroked heads or bruised ribs. And so, with this mutual power over each other, these two delinquents manage to find some degree of happiness and peace.

That is how it all began.