¡@
|
Friends : ¡@
|
¡@ Previous : Mid Autumn Next : Irritation So much has happened... ********************* looking back these 4 weeks in hall.. so many things have changed.. too many in fact... starting from orientation.. crush on piglet... which left me quite obsessed with him for a while.. heh.. stupid la... realised that its not much.. pure infatuation.. made some great friends in hall... who are basically very nice people.. love em'! had my minor heartbreak there too... geee... how much have I changed? besides the fact that I'm still slacking away.. ******************** think brother is still pretty pissed off... not good... ************************ was just having a small chat with Paul online.. happy for you... your life's back on track now! told ya everything's gonna turn out fine din I? anyway just work hard and continue in your studies! you'd be great! once again I need to apologise for everything that has gone wrong in our relationship.. (which is of my fault) I don't mean to hurt you.. (not sadistic ok!) like I've said too many times... its time for us to move on... you're living a life totally different from mine... if we can't find a meeting point... then I don't see why we should continue... then again... I'd always be your friend... know it freaking hurts.. I understand that fully.. basically coz I'm experiencing that now.. (retribution perhaps?) want you to be happy... don't ever give up ok! =) take care! thank you for being so encouraging though! *********************** there are times I ask myself if I made the right decision in doing the things I do... in breaking up with Paul.. (too practical) in telling YK that I like him.. (too irrational) was talking to Jenson on the bus back to hall... he asked me... "why do you like YK?" I told very truthfully... I don't know... are there specific reasons as to why you like a person? thought bout it for a while.. and I still can't point out exactly why... a feeling? I asked YK the same question.. as to why he likes me.. he told me "just a feeling" are we too irrational then? there were times I asked myself.. do I like him coz of his looks? coz he's nice? coz he makes me smile? coz I feel happy with him? coz he's sensible? from what I see.. its all of the above... feel like such a small kid when it comes to this kinda things... when are you ever ready to go into a relationship? when are you ever mature enough? no I'm not finding excuses to go into one now.. but I'm curious.. when are you exactly ready? when you can balance out your other priorities? it depends on how you handle it right? how much you're willing to sacrifice for that person.. how much you're willing to put into the relationship.. from what I see... I know my heart is ready... but my brain tells me I'm not... for the same reasons.. our studies are still quite screwed.. we have too many things to think bout other than relationships.. which is why I think we made the right decision... as much as it hurts... its right.. ******************* I ponder over the problems that we'd have... will I be willing to compromise? will he have enough feelings for me to compromise? will we work out? will we be committed enough to make it work out? I know I will... but will he? ******************** like many friends have said... take things slow.. I really hope I'm not one-sided.. ************************* I've compromised.. coz I want it to work... taking a step back... I think its for a better future.. friends may tell me... "Nellie, you've changed..." but.. change does not equal bad does it? Its just giving in a little.. accepting... fate is what I believe in.. I know I've disappointed you Ling.. coz I'm not as strong as I used to be.. if you think being with Paul made me compromise a lot.. hrm.. then I think you'd bash me up for being like this now... but I need to tell you... even while I was with Paul he was always giving in... you should know that eh? relationships are bout compromising.. bout respecting.. you can't have it your way all the time.. I've learnt that the hard way... *********************** I miss him now... ************************ ¡@ ¡@ ¡@ ¡@ ¡@ |