| Page 1 Funny "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." --Lily Tomlin "I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you."--Ashleigh Brilliant "Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant."--Horace "Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done." --Ernie Kovacs TV "You can fool too many of the people too much of the time." --James Thurber "A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way." --John Tudor "A decision will be made before it's too late or soon thereafter." --Michael Eisner "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public" --H.L. Mencken "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." --Steven Wright "The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him." --Russell Baker "I'm out of the loop, and that's the way I like it." --Anonymous "I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it." --Garrison Keillor "The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback/sports analyst "Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."--Mark Twain "[Middle age starts] when the body callls a meeting with the brain and tells it what it is not going to do anymore." Bill Cosby "Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines." "The difference between fact and fiction? Fiction has to make sense." -�Tom Clancy "In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in Fench; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language." --Mark Twain "If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it." --Jonathan Winters "The booboisie" --H.L. Mencken "Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking." --H.L. Mencken "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." --Winston Churchill "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." -- Mark Twain "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx "The problem with reality is the lack of background music." -- Anonymous "I've been rich and I've been poor; rich is better." --Sophie Tucker "So I'm failing English; I'm never gonna go to England." -- Homer Simpson "The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand." -- Fred A. Allen "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?" -- Homer Simpson "Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information." --Scott Adams "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me." -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth Continue to page 2 |