Author's note: Just a quick credit to the novel adaptation of NBK, as well as to the movie itself, for providing the dialogue from the Ferris wheel scene below…
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* * *
Sam couldn't help but notice that Josie looked completely miserable when she walked into his sixth period class. She looked like she had been crying and completely avoided Sam's attempts to make eye contact with her.
Sam guessed she might be embarrassed about her performance at Delloser Hall the night before. But he also wondered if she remembered their telephone conversation, and if this might be the source of her embarrassment as well. He hoped that at least the latter was not the case. For his part, he knew he would never forget his relief at hearing her voice and knowing that she was okay…and his realization that her welfare had been so very important to him. And of course, he couldn't seem to forget the jolt he had felt to hear her soft, sweet voice call him by his first name. Despite his better judgment, that was something he heard replayed in his mind over and over.
Sam had tried valiantly to include Josie in his class lecture today, to get her to look up at him, make eye contact, smile…anything. But to his dismay, she kept her eyes trained on the wood grain of her desk the entire period. She was usually so animated in class, participating often, so her bright shining eyes, sunny smile, and perceptive thoughts were sorely missed…if by no other class members, then at least by him.
The bell ending the period rang, and the students filed out, placing papers in a pile on the corner of Sam's desk as they passed. Sam had given the class an assignment to write one page about the sports figure they most admired and why they admired him or her. Josie, as usual, handed in two papers instead of one, but barely looked at him as she flew out the door.
He sighed, wishing he could have found a way to ask her to stay long enough to ask her what was wrong. Gathering up the pile of papers, he tapped them on the edge of the desk to straighten them, and placed them in his briefcase. Glancing up and out the window, he realized it had turned into a beautiful day. He decided to spend his free period outside in the courtyard looking over the essays.
He went outside the school to the courtyard and sat on a bench underneath a large elm tree and prepared to read. He quickly skimmed through the stack of papers. As expected, the majority of the kids had written about Michael Jordan or Dennis Rodman from the Chicago Bulls, just saying they liked them because they were awesome athletes, etc, etc.
Not Aldys, though. She had thoughtfully written a piece on Billie Jean King and how she was a pioneer in women's tennis.
Now, to Josie's, he thought eagerly. Pulling her first paper out of the stack, he began to read. Josie's essay was about how she admired Cal Ripken, Jr., a baseball player from the Baltimore Orioles. And not because of his glove, or his bat, or his amazing Consecutive Games Played streak of 2,632 games: it was because, with his hardworking ethic, his quiet dignity, and his confidence in himself and in his team, he became a leader of the game and a positive role model in sports, where there seemed to be a shortage of decent heroes in recent years.
Sam felt a cold shiver run down his spine, even though the spring sun beating down on him was warm. This was scary, he thought. She was reading his mind again. She had no way of knowing that even though the New York Mets were his favorite baseball team, Cal Ripken, Jr. was the individual player Sam admired most, and basically for the same reasons that Josie had described in her essay. Suddenly, he remembered the evening before at the club, when she had made the joke about the Mets. She obviously knew about and liked baseball, which was one more thing they had in common that he and Lara did not. He sighed, and then placed her paper aside to read her second one.
Sam was momentarily disappointed, because she too had written about Michael Jordan. But as he read her paper Sam shook his head at himself; he should have realized that Josie wouldn't have written about Jordan's amazing prowess on the basketball court. She wrote about how she admired him for the dignity and courage he had shown in handling the death of his father in the face of all the media frenzy. She wrote that all the fame and money in the world couldn't cushion a devastating loss such as he had suffered. She also knew of Michael Jordan's close relationship with his coach at University of North Carolina, Dean Smith. She wrote about how the values he was taught by his father and Coach Smith sustained him and gave him strength to handle such a tragedy.
Sam was really touched by her sensitivity and insight into the more personal facets of Michael Jordan's public life. Josie's intrinsic sweetness permeated her writing. But what amazed him was that she had an incredibly wide range of knowledge, particularly for a seventeen-year-old girl.
Baseball and basketball weren't the only sports she knew something about, he realized. When he had told his autographed Gordie Howe helmet story in class, he noticed that she was the only student that perked up at the mention of the legendary former Detroit Red Wings forward's name. Her face lit up as she listened to his story of how much playing in that helmet as a child had meant to him. He also remembered her look of profound sadness when she'd asked what had happened to it and he'd had to admit that Lara had thrown it away.
He instinctively knew that, unlike Lara, Josie would understand his love of hockey, golf, and baseball. He sighed, thinking back to his class last period. Poor Josie was apparently having a terrible day…
He was startled out of his thoughts as someone laid a hand on his shoulder. Whirling his head around in surprise, he saw Mrs. Knox over his shoulder. "Oh, hi, Marilyn," Sam greeted her. "Something I can do for you?"
"Well, I was wondering…" she began, as she sat down next to him on the bench. "Did Josie Geller seem, I don't know, well…despondent in your class today, Sam?" she asked, concerned.
"Josie looked like she was having a rough day, yes," Sam responded, nodding.
"But she did seem, well, normal, to you?" Marilyn Knox persisted.
"She seemed pretty unhappy, but I wouldn't say she seemed abnormal in any way, no," Sam answered, a little confused. "Why do you ask?"
"Well, I saw her this morning before school started. She was running through the hall at full force, crying. She ended up running head first into a door somebody accidentally closed on her at the last minute. I think she may actually have lost consciousness for a minute there, but by the time I arrived on the scene, a new boy…Rob, I think his name was…had helped her up and was taking care of her. Actually," Mrs. Knox continued, wondering, "they seemed to already know each other as they talked for quite a while. She seemed okay then, but looked upset again when I saw her both later in class and after lunch."
Sam was shocked at the edge of panic he felt at hearing that Josie had been hurt. Then he recalled that during class, he had noticed a small bluish smudge on Josie's forehead. "I'll look for her and make sure she's okay," he said urgently, as Mrs. Knox nodded her approval.
Shoving his sheaf of papers haphazardly into his briefcase again, he got up and purposely searched through the courtyard, the study hall, and the library, but to no avail. Josie was nowhere to be found. For the second time in twenty-four hours, he again found himself worrying about Josie. He considered another phone call, but decided against it, knowing a second call would be pushing his luck. Instead, he decided to wait to see if she would show up at Senior Nite tonight.
Sighing heavily, he walked back in the direction of his classroom so that he could gather up the rest of his items and go home. He couldn't help but wonder who this Rob guy was and how he knew Josie. And he found himself wishing he had been the one there this morning to help her instead of Rob.
* * *
He had been at Senior Nite for more than an hour before he finally saw her. He had pretty much given up hope that she would come, having surreptitiously searched the throngs of people and South Glen South high schoolers for her face all evening, but hadn't found her. He was throwing whipped cream pies at Brett at one of the fundraising booths when he heard a close-by 'carny' call out, "Lonely ride in bucket five! Single!" But it wasn't until he heard Josie's voice hiss back, "Do you have to yell it like that?" that he turned to see her sitting alone in the last unfilled car of the Ferris Wheel.
He stood motionless and stared, wanting to help her, but his feet just wouldn't move. He had a profound fear of heights and just the thought of dangling in the air from that metal Goliath made him physically ill.
But then Tommy's voice carried over the carnival sounds as he called out from the car just above and behind her, "Of course, it's 'Loser' holding up the ride!" Tommy laughed, and many of the other kids on the ride did as well. Sam watched in horror as Josie's face crumpled, and she hid her face in her hands in shame. Sam wasn't quite sure what happened after that, but something inside him snapped. He would not allow these kids to torture Josie that way, not if he could help it. He strode over to the Ferris wheel, pushed open the gate, handed the 'carny' a ticket and approached Josie. Softly, he said to her with a friendly, encouraging smile: "Is this seat taken?"
Josie looked up in surprise, apparently shocked to find him standing there in front of her. But she smiled and scooted over in the seat to make room for him, saying, "Thank you. Thank you."
He mumbled, "You're welcome," but he was trapped in Josie's gaze. It was only when the other 'carny' fastened the safety bar in front of them that he realized the gravity (pun intended) of what he had just done. To save Josie from humiliation, he had willingly placed himself in the middle of one of his greatest nightmares.
He gasped as the ride jolted into motion, pulling them backwards and upwards and causing their bucket to rock. Apparently, Josie must have noticed how white his face had become as they rose higher and higher into the air, because she turned to him and asked, concerned, "Are you scared?"
With a self-deprecating smile, he confessed his fear. "Well, I'll tell you something here…" He could feel himself starting to panic and he tried to will himself to calm down. His eyes darted around nervously. "I hope this won't undermine my position as an authority figure," he joked, "but I'm a little afraid of heights." He looked around uncomfortably, everywhere but at Josie's face, too embarrassed to meet her eye, and then closed his eyes.
She laughed softly and then asked kindly, "You're afraid of the Ferris wheel?"
He opened his eyes to sneak a sideways glance at her. Although she had laughed, he could tell she was trying to help him by lightening the mood, as opposed to laughing at his fear. He explained, "Well, it's more the plunging headfirst into the crowd part that kind of gets me…" he trailed off and cringed as the Ferris wheel stopped, leaving them dangling near the top of the circle.
He gasped again when she put her hand gently on his arm to hold him steady. He closed his eyes against the shot of warmth coursing up his arm from where her hand lightly rested. He could tell that she honestly cared about him and wanted to help him overcome his fear. Then she said shyly, "I'll bet if you had your Gordie Howe helmet on, you'd feel better, huh?"
He turned to look at her, shocked. "Hey, you remember that story?" he asked her softly, surprised.
She smiled and responded, "I remember everything that you say…" And then, almost as if she'd suddenly realized what she'd said, she amended awkwardly, "in your classroom…"
Another thrill shot through Sam. She actually remembered everything he said… She was interested in what he said…Interested in him…
Then above them, Tommy interrupted by violently shaking his car, crowing, "If the bucket's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin…Yeah!" His actions caused Josie and Sam's car to sway again as well. Sam closed his eyes and gripped the safety bar with both hands until his knuckles were white.
After their bucket stopped the worst of its rocking, Sam looked over at Josie to see that Tommy's remark had upset her. He smiled and leaned in toward her to say jokingly, "Boys…"
She'd barely had time to agree before Tommy piped up again, this time with the singsong call, "Mr. Coulson rocks my world!" At that, Josie's whole body seemed to droop as if beaten. Sam couldn't let that happen to her. He shook his head in disgust and then tried to explain.
"You know, I'd like to tell you that we all grow out of it, but it's a lie. Some of us will always be rattling cages," he explained, hoping that Josie would understand what he meant.
She did. She turned to him and asked gravely, "Why do you do that?"
Sam looked at her, startled by both her intent gaze and the seriousness of her question. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I don't know," he said again, trailing off.
And then, all of a sudden, the closeness to Josie got to him. He began to notice everything about her. They were sitting so close together and while he had always noticed her eyes, now he realized how truly beautiful they were. And what was that scent she was wearing, some kind of light floral scent? It was intoxicating and totally enveloped his senses. He was trying to process all the feelings he had sitting next to her and, at the same time, feeling her touch him. He started rambling nervously.
"You know what's scary is that when you get older, it just…it just gets more confusing. You remember Lara? My girlfriend you met at the club?"
Josie nodded, silent.
"We've been going out for five years, and now, she wants me to move to New York." Sam paused, and then rushed on, sounding as much as if he were trying to convince himself as Josie. "And, you know…I mean…I mean, I should do it. You know, make the commitment and grow up." He paused again, and then said with a sad tinge to his voice, "I know we have our differences…" 'Why am I babbling like this?' he wondered, disgusted with himself. He stopped talking abruptly. He knew he had broken their jovial mood.
He looked at Josie. She looked sad again, and he feared that his talk about Lara had upset her. He apologized, "You know, I shouldn't be talking about this stuff with you, I'm sorry."
Josie smiled softly at him and replied with a small, embarrassed laugh, "It's nice to have someone to talk to."
For one heart-stopping moment, they made eye contact and held it. Then he replied softly, "Yeah, same here." He laughed self-consciously, and then continued, wanting Josie to know just how much he thought of her, "Well, all I can tell you is that when you're my age, guys will be lined up around the block for you."
Josie looked away, embarrassed and unbelieving. "You have to say that because you're my teacher."
Hearing her say it shocked Sam back to his senses. Yes, that 's exactly what he was, he realized, and she was his seventeen-year-old student. But, even so, he wanted her to know the compliment he'd given her had been sincere.
"Actually, I shouldn't say that because I'm your teacher."
Josie still looked slightly embarrassed but now also pleased, and she smiled, her good mood restored.
In the meantime, Sam really was disgusted with himself. Why was he talking about Lara like that when he was seriously considering breaking up with her anyway? It was like his brain was disconnected from his mouth. 'What an idiot,' he thought with a rueful shake of his head.
When he'd said Lara's name, he saw Josie instantly pull back emotionally from him, although thankfully, she had not let go of his arm. He decided he wasn't just an idiot; he was the biggest idiot in the world.
The crazy thing was, even with his intense fear of heights, being next to Josie on the Ferris wheel made him pray the ride would never end. It was as if every feeling, every sensation, was intensified by their closeness. His brain was so addled with conflicting emotions and thoughts that he couldn't see straight. He closed his eyes, grimacing, trying desperately to get a handle on his emotions, but being this near to Josie and feeling her touch had totally unnerved him. He was a mess, but for that moment, he was a happy mess.
When the ride was over, he couldn't bear the idea of leaving her when she seemed so vulnerable, so he walked around the Pier with her, talking and playing games along the Midway for the next hour. After all, he reasoned, before he had seen Josie that evening, he'd walked around for a half hour with Aldys and some of her friends. Then he had hung around with Brett and Sera for a while, mostly throwing pies at Brett's face. He figured he had spent time walking and talking with other students; after all, it was Senior Nite, so he figured it would be okay to walk around with Josie before he left.
She was so quiet at first that it broke his heart. So, stopping at one booth, he won her a stuffed bear by knocking over a pyramid of milk bottles with a baseball. Leaving the booth, he turned to her and leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "My sister worked in a carnival one summer… I know how all these games work."
Josie looked up in surprise at his admission that he knew how to out-cheat the 'carnies', and then laughed. Hoping to build on that happy laughter, he told her how much he enjoyed all of her writing and they started talking about the essay she'd written about Cal Ripken, Jr. He told her that Ripken was also the ballplayer he admired most. It turned out that they had both read Ripken's book "The Only Way I Know," so they talked about that for a while.
Sam watched in awe as Josie's eyes regained their wonderful sparkle. Her hair kept blowing into her face so that she had to keep tucking it behind her ear. She was so sweet and genuine; he was utterly enchanted by her.
Josie stopped at one of the food vendors, so they both bought an order of Fried Dough, sprinkling white powdered sugar from a shaker onto them before turning and walking down the length of the pier next to the water.
Sam told her about the time he had actually seen Ripken play in person in Baltimore at Camden Yards. He could see that she was really interested in his story, so he described Camden Yards for her, wishing all the while that she could have been there with him. Somehow, he knew that she would have enjoyed it as much as he had. He could never imagine Lara enjoying that or even standing still long enough to listen to him talk about it…not in a million years.
Josie seemed really interested in hearing about his trip to Baltimore, so he told her about how much he'd enjoyed the National Aquarium and the Inner Harbor, and about how beautiful he'd thought it was there at night, looking out at the lights on the harbor. It was good to be with her, to share his experiences with her. He felt like there were so many things he could talk to her about… really talk to her as a friend, even though he'd only known her for a few weeks.
Sam had decided not to ruin the mood again by asking her about her mishap in school that morning. He didn't want to embarrass her. He could see she was okay, with just a small bruise remaining on her forehead.
Finally, reluctantly, she said, "I probably should go now."
"I'll walk you to your car," Sam replied.
Josie was pleased, but surprised. "It's okay, really. You don't have to," she said.
"I want to Josie." At least he had the guts to tell her that. He silently called himself a moron for allowing himself to feel more than he should for her.
"Thank you for saving me from being alone on the Ferris wheel," Josie said softly as she got into her car.
"Thank you for helping me forget about my fear," he replied, closing the driver's side door for her.
Josie turned and looked into his eyes through the open window, and they stared at each other for what would probably have been considered too long for a teacher and his student, but not long enough for him. And then she was gone.
Sam watched her drive away, and then slowly he walked to his car and got in. He sat there for more than a few minutes, just staring up at the Ferris wheel, its lights twinkling against the backdrop of stars and the dark water of Lake Michigan. What had come over him? he wondered. He leaned his head forward, resting it against the steering wheel. He had been so flustered; he could just kick himself.
As soon as Josie had said she remembered everything he said to her, he'd gotten so rattled that he'd started in about moving to New York to be with Lara. He kept replaying what had happened that evening over and over in his head. Josie had been so kind to him, and she had seemed so concerned about him. And there was that scent of hers that he still felt wrapped up in. And the fact that she was so beautiful, so sweet, and maybe—just maybe—so interested in him.
He felt like the whole thing was over too fast, even though he'd spent more than an hour in Josie's company. He had been so out of control. That scared him even more than the Ferris wheel: the loss of control, of not being able to say what he wanted to say. And now…well, he missed her already. He felt bereft without her laughing, glittering eyes and soft, sweet voice. He shook his head, wishing he could deny it, but knowing he could not.
At least he'd have a few days on his own to sort things out, he thought. Seeing her and being with her outside of school was what he had wished for tonight, but he had no clue how to handle the feelings swirling inside of him because he'd gotten that wish.
Sam sighed, placing his key in the ignition and starting his car. It was going to be a long three days without her.
* * *
To be continued…
* * *
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