Date Posted: February 20, 2001
Author's
Note: This is a different ending for this storyline than I'd originally
planned. An alternative longer version of Sam's Awakening is posted on Stories.com
under Carolinelovesthebus' Portfolio. Thanks for your interest. I hope you
enjoy it!!
*
* *
Sam
followed Josie up the steps into her apartment, making a conscious effort not
to stare at her backside and the rest of her curvy body as she moved in front
of him. 'God, Sam, you're worse than Matt!' he chided himself, but he did not
look away.
'You're
still her teacher, you're still her teacher,' he said silently, over and over.
'I wish I wasn't her teacher!' he thought guiltily. Don't think about that or
that dream, Sam Coulson, whatever you do.'
Feeling
like a bundle of exposed nerve endings, at last he arrived inside. Sam glanced
around eagerly, taking it all in - noticing all the books, the cozy gas
fireplace, the big aquarium, and of course the now-familiar love seat by the
window.
It
had been such an emotional day - seeing Josie first thing in the morning;
walking her to class, enduring her subsequent anger towards him over his
callous treatment of her paper, then admitting his jealousy regarding Matt, not
to mention knocking her out when he accidentally collided with her at the
softball game.
In
their mutual excitement to be alone together in her apartment, both completely
forgot about Rob and Scott Romano waiting outside.
"Josie,
this is really nice!" Sam praised enthusiastically. Before he could think
he added, "just like I pictured it!" 'Oh God, did I really say that?'
he cringed. Thankfully, she wasn't in a position to see the expression on his
face.
"Thanks,"
Josie said shyly, blushing as she always did at a compliment, flushed and
overwhelmed with excitement at his unexpected visit to her apartment. She was
still flustered about Rob's earlier description of Sam's reaction to her dream
revelations.
Sam
glanced around appreciatively, noticing the lovely needlepoint pillows
decorating the room. "Did you make all these pillows yourself,
Josie?" he asked as he walked over and picked one up to admire it closely.
"They're really beautiful."
"Yes,
I did. Thank you," she said smiling at him, thinking how incredibly sweet
he was to notice and compliment her needlepoint creations. She flushed with
pleasure, recalling the one in the bedroom that she'd made just for him.
He
turned to look at her grinning at the grease stain still on her cheek from
trying to jumpstart his car moments earlier.
"Uh,
Josie, um you have a little grease there," he said pointing, "from
the jumper cables."
She
put her hand to her left cheek instinctively.
Sam
grinned. "No wait, the other one. I'll get it. He picked up a tissue from
the bookcase and went in the kitchen to dampen it in the sink. Then he walked
up to her and gently rubbed the stain. She closed her eyes trustingly while he
softly rubbed her cheek.
He
took his time all the while noticing her beautiful eyelashes and of course the
now familiar scent of peach blossoms that always surrounded her. 'God her skin
is soft!' He couldn't help but think about what it would be like to caress her
like he had in that dream.
"There,
that's got it," he said smiling, welcoming any excuse whatsoever to touch
Josie and stand this close to her. He thought he was imagining things when he
noticed her shivering. 'Don't even think like that, Sam,' he silently
admonished himself.
She
held out her hand for the tissue to put it in the trash. He put it in her hand
gently brushing her palm. "Thanks," she said sweetly, going over to
the trashcan then coming back to stare into his eyes.
Feeling
an unexpected rush of emotion, he suddenly panicked and averted his gaze,
focusing on the letters on her sweatshirt.
He
pointed at it. "Northwestern? Does this mean you're reconsidering college,
I hope?" Then he suddenly realized he was staring at her breasts. 'God,
Sam, would you get a grip here!' he chided himself, looking down at her bare
feet.
Josie
noticed him staring at her feet, so she looked down. "No, I'm not - it's
just my dad's shirt," she lied, hating herself for it, wondering
simultaneously if he had something against bare feet or if maybe Rob was right
and her feet did smell bad.
"I
was just soaking my feet - they hurt after all that running - I heard talking
out front and I ran out - forgot to put my shoes on," she explained.
"I'm sorry I guess I look terrible," she shrugged self-consciously.
He
looked into her eyes again as he shook his head, "No you don't - you look
great as always," he said earnestly, wanting desperately to re-locate his
lost train of thought. They were both flustered at his spontaneous compliment.
'Northwestern
- College!' he thought suddenly. "Um, ooh yeah - promise me you won't make
any decisions about it before you talk to me, okay?"
Josie
looked confused for a minute, trying to remember what he'd been talking about.
She looked at her feet.
Sam
saw the confused look and hurriedly stuttered, "About c-c-college, I mean,
don't make any final decisions about um, er, college."
'God,
I really sound articulate, wouldn't Yale be proud?' he thought disgustedly.
He
swallowed. "I'm serious about that Josie," he added for emphasis. He was
hoping to have word from Dartmouth about setting up an interview for her any
day now. 'Do I sound like a dork, or what?' He berated himself silently.
"Oh,
I promise," she agreed, thinking about how sweet and sensitive he was to
care about her and how guilty and ashamed she felt about deceiving him.
Sam
wanted to change the subject and he knew he needed to look away from her eyes,
her breasts, her feet and every other part of her. He looked around the room
instead. "This is such a pretty place, Josie. Has your aunt lived here
long?"
Josie
sighed and took a deep breath. She was so fed up with lying to Sam.
"I
live by myself here. My mother told you that so you wouldn't worry about
me," she bit her lip nervously, wondering how in the world to go about telling
him the rest of the truth once and for all.
Sam
was momentarily thrown by this new information. Josie really did live alone,
just like he did. 'Just like she said in that dream,' he blushed, remembering
how she'd caressed him in that same dream.
'Send
her back to be alone with those turtles and the penguin. Don't go there Sam.
Don't go there Sam.' He was becoming more and more agitated and he didn't quite
know why. 'Focus on something, Sam,' he told himself, glancing at the walls,
not noticing Josie's own growing discomfort.
"You
did a nice job painting, Josie. Did you pick out the colors?"
'Why
would her mother lie to me?' He wondered nervously.
"Yes,"
she answered, hoping to summon more courage by talking and responding to his
questions truthfully. "I picked out all the colors and fabric. Pretty much
everything you see actually. I painted it the first couple of weekends after I
started school. My brother, Rob, helped me."
"And
are all these books yours then?" Sam asked, not fully absorbing what she'd
just said, as he pointed to the voluminous shelves, all the while grinning at
her. He sensed that something was troubling her, and he was feeling more and
more off-balance – like something was about to happen.
Josie
nodded. "Yes, everything here is mine. You know how much I love to
read."
At
that moment in time, she made an irrevocable decision to tell him the whole and
complete truth that night.
At
the same instant, Sam heard the sound of Scott Romano attempting to start his
car and he was reminded of why he came there in the first place. He sighed at
his absent-mindedness whenever Josie was nearby.
"I
really like this, Josie. I wish I could look at all of your books, but I guess
I should use the phone to call for a tow truck, if it's okay?" he said,
blushing. He looked at her, 'I'd rather forget about it and throw you down on
that love seat and kiss you forever,' he thought as he looked into her smiling
face, swallowing nervously.
Hoping
that the delay would help her summon her nerve, Josie led him to the telephone
on the bar in the kitchen. "Here's the phone," she said, handing it
to him. "Do you belong to an auto club? If you don't you can use
mine," she offered.
"Thanks,
Josie. I do belong to one. I've got the card in my wallet here," Sam said
as he pulled his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans. He looked through
it until he located the card, then he pulled out the membership card and set
his wallet down on the counter. Even though he was nervous about being alone
with her, now that he was actually inside her apartment he felt strangely happy
and at peace.
And
as nervous and flustered as they both were, Sam knew for certain that he'd
never been as happy in his life as he was this very moment, just being close to
her.
He
tried to pull it together then and looked at the card and dialed the number of
the auto club, only to reach a recording saying that his call would be answered
in approximately five minutes. He rolled his eyes and turned around to look at
Josie, holding his hand over the receiver. "It'll be five minutes at least
of Muzak," he sighed.
Even
though he feigned impatience at the delay, he was glad for any excuse to
lengthen the duration of his visit.
Josie
was standing fairly close to him, and since she could see that he would be a
while on the phone, she motioned for him to sit on the bar stool and she sat on
the one next to him and turned to face him.
As
he turned to face her also, their knees brushed together. Josie looked down,
embarrassed, and leaned back and her stool nearly tipped over. Sam jumped off
his stool, still cradling the phone on his shoulder and steadied her with his
other arm around her holding up the back of her stool. As soon as he made sure
she was upright, he knew he should let go but something made him linger for a
dangerous moment just to feel her body next to him.
'No,
stop it, Sam!' his conscience yelled and he gently backed away sitting down
again. When he slipped his arm around Josie to catch her they both felt the
familiar excitement from just being so close together. They both stared at the
floor for a long moment.
Josie
was afraid to breathe for fear he would move and when he did, she finally
exhaled, reflexively placing her hand on her heart.
This
gesture was not lost on Sam, who cleared his throat, trying to regain his
composure and think of something to say. "Josie, when we were outside, Rob
started to say something about Aldys knowing a lot about cars - he said to ask
you about it, what was that about?"
Josie
had calmed down enough to answer, seizing on Aldys as a safe subject.
"Yes,
Aldys is great with cars. She helped fix mine when Guy and those kids hid it
and disconnected the battery, my first day of school at South Glen South. If it
hadn't been for Aldys helping me, I wouldn't have returned to school after that
awful day."
"What?"
Sam asked, clearly shocked as he thought back to the instant he saw her in his
classroom. He had no idea about what she had gone through at the time - the day
that she'd walked into his life and changed it forever. He remembered every
thing he'd felt that March morning – most particularly, the sensation that he'd
been hit by lightning the second he looked into her eyes.
She
was what he remembered about that day – the day he now saw as the most
important happy day of his life. He could recite everything she'd said in his
classroom, and describe in detail what she'd been wearing right down to the
shoes on her feet.
He'd
memorized everything that day and every day since then – every mannerism –
every single thing about Josie Geller was blazed into his heart forever.
Sam
knew that revealing all that would have to wait for another time when he was no
longer her teacher. He tried to think back about the rest of that day. All he
could remember was that they were on some kind of different schedule because
the first time he saw her was exactly 9:42 in the morning. He'd glanced at the
clock before he'd turned to see her there in the front row, staring at him with
the most radiant smile he'd ever beheld. He even recalled how his hand had
shaken when he wrote the word "pastoral" on the board.
He
knew his thoughts were drifting again. 'Focus, Sam!' he thought angry with
himself for daydreaming when she was finally beginning to open up to him.
"You
wouldn't have come back? What happened, Josie?" he asked, obviously
concerned.
Josie
looked at Sam and sighed. "We were on that weird schedule with no home
room and your class was in the morning that day. When I came in the guard
searched my bag and it took forever and then when I pulled the schedule out I
had the wrong one so I was late to Ms. Knox's class. I ended up wearing that
awful sombrero and I had to introduce myself to the class wearing it. Then some
girls made fun of my outfit. Let's see, what else? Then I spilled chocolate
milk all over my white pants at lunch, Ms. Brown yelled at me in Phys. Ed. And
when I came out to find my car it was gone."
"Oh,
Josie, how awful!" Sam said, clearly upset for her. "I wish I'd known
at the time and could've helped you somehow."
"It
turned out okay, though because Aldys was really nice. She shared her book with
me in your class. Then she took me to eat at Na Na's and helped me find my car.
When we found it, it was in the middle of the football field. Aldys reconnected
the battery for me that Guy and those kids had disconnected. She asked me to
join the Denominators - she really included me and made me feel welcome. I'll
never forget it," Josie said seriously.
"Aldys
is a really special person," Sam agreed. "I'm glad she helped you,
Josie. But you weren't really going to quit school were you? I mean a student
of your caliber and talent - you shouldn't even have that as an option, you
know?"
Josie
blushed at the compliment, but she wanted to open up to him about all she'd
endured that day.
"My
experience at my previous high school was horrendous. Yes, I would have left
that day and wouldn't have returned if it hadn't been for Aldys. Then there was
one other day that was even worse and I actually was running out of school when
I ran into the office door head-first. It ended up okay though - I guess if I
can live through all that I can face just about anything. That time Rob helped
me. If it hadn't been for Aldys and Rob on those two days, I would have left absolutely."
Sam
could tell that she was serious and meant what she was saying, but it still
left him alarmed and shaking about what might have been. He couldn't imagine
what would have become of him if Josie had left school at either one of those
times. He shuddered just thinking about how he probably would still be tied to
Lara.
'Thank
God for Aldys and Rob," he said silently as he looked at Josie with
concern.
Just
then his call connected him to a person. Sam gave his name and member number
then he explained what they thought was wrong with his car to the auto club
representative. He paused.
Josie
was looking at him and waiting for Sam to ask her for the address. To her
surprise, he did not need to ask her. He rattled off the telephone number and
address, never hesitating for a moment.
Josie
looked down and smiled to herself, realizing that Sam did know her address and
telephone number by heart, since it wasn't posted anywhere by the phone. She
got up from her bar stool as Sam continued to talk to the auto club. She
noticed the pan of water for soaking her feet and motioned to him that she was
going into the other room to empty it.
Sam
stared at her, mesmerized, as she picked up the pan and carried it to a room
that was obviously her bedroom. He had been placed on hold again, so his mind
was free to wander dangerously. When she opened the door, he saw her bed and
all the memories of their shared dreamlike experience flooded his
consciousness.
Then
his eyes flew open wide as he noticed her Penguin, Sam, resting on more
needlepoint pillows in the middle of her bed. He thought about how in the dream
she'd asked him if he wanted to send her back here to be with that penguin and
those turtles.
Sam
grimaced at his own weakness and turned his head to stare into the kitchen. The
only problem was his eyes zeroed in on the laundry basket on top of her washing
machine. There, within feet of him in that laundry basket was a peach colored
object he recognized as her revealing, sensual silk nightshirt, that he'd seen her
wearing through the window and subsequently dreamt about so vividly.
Sam
closed his eyes and prayed for strength to control his wayward thoughts and
desires. Luckily, the auto club representative came back on the line and they
terminated their conversation.
Simultaneously,
Josie returned to the living room, clutching one of her pillows in both hands,
staring at him with huge luminous eyes as Sam was hanging up the phone. Rubbing
his sweaty palms on his jeans, he looked at Josie and smiled shakily.
"They're
going to check on the available towing companies and call me back here in a few
minutes."
"Oh,
okay," she said and smiled, still clutching the pillow, praying for
strength. "Would you like a soda or something? Or a snack, maybe?"
"Just
water would be great Josie. Thank you. Rob warned me to stay away from your
snacks, but I have to tell you that I love carrot sticks!" he grinned.
"I just ate though so I'm not hungry now," he explained.
Josie
laughed setting the pillow face down on a chair for the moment as she went to
the refrigerator and poured him a glass of ice water.
On
the door of the refrigerator Sam noticed she'd written the name,
"Gus" and "Meeting after school Friday," with a drawing of
an unhappy face next to it. He wondered if this was the same Gus who coached
softball. He was curious about it but didn't want to pry. However, he did think
it was odd that she'd drawn that face next to it. Then there was that thing
she'd muttered about Gus killing her, after she'd lost consciousness at the
game. That was strange, too.
Sam
looked across the bar at her. She was still standing inside her kitchen on the
other side of the counter. "I'm glad you decided to stay at South Glen
South, Josie." He hesitated, wanting to say something more in line with
what he felt, but not quite knowing how to do it in an appropriate way. He felt
so nervous and so overwhelmed and apprehensive and he didn't quite know why.
"Things are a lot better for you now, aren't they?"
She
nodded. "Yes, it's much better - it's unbelievable what Rob has
accomplished in just three weeks."
"Not
just Rob, I mean you - Josie - what you've accomplished - the friends
you've made. I mean you're really popular now - isn't that what you
wanted?"
Josie
looked into Sam's eyes and spoke seriously. "I thought it was what I
wanted at first, but now that I've got it - you know, I'm popular - whatever
that means. Now I realize it doesn't mean much. It's like that old saying, be
careful what you wish for - you just might get it… As far as friends go - I
have three friends and they haven't changed since that first week."
"Three
friends?" Sam asked softly. "Aldys, Rob and….." he hesitated,
hoping…
Josie
decided to speak from her heart. "And my dearest friend, my English
Teacher," she said smiling at him.
Sam
swallowed, overjoyed to hear her say it out loud, that he was important to her
and that she considered him her dearest friend. He felt that in his entire
life, nothing had touched him more deeply than this simple statement from this
woman. After that passionate dream, he couldn't imagine Josie as anything but
the most beautiful, desirable woman in the world.
He
was amazed at how mature she was in her attitude towards her sudden popularity.
She had already put it in perspective and had a healthy attitude about who her
real friends were and what really meant something to her life, he realized.
Once again she'd surprised him with her incredibly sweet and sensible
personality.
Josie
looked down and cleared her throat. She knew what she wanted to say; she just
wasn't sure how to go about it. Somehow she felt more comfortable saying it
with the bar between them. She wanted to start by telling him exactly how he'd
helped her - to let him know how she felt about him as a teacher.
"I
always wanted to be a writer. You know how you always say, write what you
know?"
Sam
nodded, touched that she was quoting from him again, and he was certain that
she really did remember everything he'd told her both in and out of the
classroom.
Josie
continued, "My experience with high school in the past was so awful before
South Glen South I mean."
Sam
could see how she shuddered, just talking about it. He wondered what could have
been so terrible, but he wanted her to tell him about it when she was ready. He
also sensed that she was more comfortable standing in the kitchen with the bar
between them. He knew it was easier for him to control himself without her so
close, but he longed to have her next to him just the same.
She
bit her lip and continued to talk.
"Anyway,
it was so bad that I knew I could never write about it. It just hurt too much
to even consider. But now it's like I'm seeing the other side of high school -
the fun side - the positive side".
Sam
felt like he was really seeing into her heart as never before. She'd never
talked to him this seriously about anything and he could tell it was very
difficult for her. He nodded encouragingly while she searched for the right
words.
"And
since you've helped me with my writing - writing about things that I know
about…well, I really feel that now somehow I can write about the bad part and
maybe put it in perspective, and maybe put it behind me. At least I hope I can
because I think I need to do that - to move beyond the past to be happy. I'm
still me though, the same person and for the first time in my life because you
believe in me I feel like maybe that just being me is well, you know
okay…." He noticed she said it tentatively and he knew what he wanted to
say.
"Josie,
you're more than okay - don't you know what a special person you are?"
She
looked down because she was embarrassed.
"Even
if no one else sees it, you should know it inside of you. I mean, you're a
brilliant, beautiful, funny, kindhearted, amazing…" He searched for the
word, then he knew what it was - "woman," he finished, the
love and naked admiration written all over his face.
She
looked up into his deep green eyes trying to find some kind of guidance and
strength to do what she needed to do for both of them. She could see that he
meant every word of it, but still she had her doubts about herself and he could
see that as he looked into the eyes he loved so much.
"And
don't tell me I have to say that because I'm your teacher, okay? I've never said
that to any student - just you. I'm saying it as a man, not just as your
teacher. And you know me well enough by now to know I wouldn't say it if I
didn't mean it."
Josie
blushed and looked down, ashamed of her own dishonesty. "Josie, look at
me," he said it kindly but firmly. She looked up meeting his gaze.
"If
any of those kids or even all of those kids at South Glen South are too dense
to see it, it still doesn't change a thing. And I don't care how bad your day
at school is, you aren't going to quit because I won't let you. I'll come get
you and drag you back to class."
Josie
smiled, in spite of her nervousness, at that thought.
"And
I have a feeling Rob and Aldys would help me. So even though you are very
stubborn, I don't think even you could resist the three of us together."
She
laughed at the picture of the three of them dragging her, a grown woman, back
to high school.
Sam
knew he had more to say to her. "Josie, what happens in high school really
isn't that important in the bigger scheme of things. I-I wasn't popular or
anything in high school it wasn't a great time for me."
She
looked at him skeptically.
"Now
see, you're giving me that look here. I was a skinny, goofball in high school.
I did play hockey and baseball, but those weren't popular sports at my school.
People were more into football and basketball. Other than that, I pretty much
read books and did extra credit work for fun. Oh, yeah… and I hung out with my
friend Jon, watching sports on TV."
Josie
smiled picturing him as a teenager. She couldn't imagine him being anything but
devastatingly handsome and sweet.
He
continued, "Josie, who cares now what happened then? Do you think less of
me as a person because I wasn't popular in high school?"
"No,
definitely not," she said seriously.
Sam
closed his eyes for a second, debating whether or not to tell her the next
part. He decided he needed to share it with her.
"Josie,
there are people in my life - even people in my family - who think less of me
because I teach high school." He saw the concerned look on her face.
"But
really, you know, who cares? I mean it bothered me until recently - it made me
question everything about myself, you know?"
Josie
nodded sympathetically and said quietly, "I do know how it feels to
be insecure, but how could you feel that way? You're such a great
teacher."
"I
want to be a great teacher, Josie. I mean, I really love teaching and…"
Sam swallowed, "you've helped me see that it's an important job, so in
that way we've really helped each other. You helped me with so many things that
I needed to see. At least I hope in some small way I've helped you with your
writing."
"You
have helped me, more than you know," she said seriously.
"I'm
glad because I want you to know that you've done the same for me. If you had
left that first day of school - if you had given up, just think about what
might have happened to me…." he struggled to find the right words,
"what would have happened to me without you."
He
hesitated, but went on,
"You
made me see what I'm doing means something and … more than that, I mean…"
he swallowed nervously, knowing he needed to be careful here.
"You
really kept me from making a huge mistake - by helping me see that I was in a
terrible relationship and I needed to end it. I ended it Sunday, Josie. I made
the decision to do it before that but I couldn't locate, well… That part's not
important, anyway. I know now that I've found what I really want. It's, well um
- just a matter of doing the right thing - bbeing patient and waiting for the
uh, well, er, you know the timing to be right."
Josie
looked at him and blinked, trying to absorb what he'd just struggled to say –
what this all meant about him – telling her in essence that he'd ended his
relationship with Lara because of her.
'Here
he is telling me how I've helped him and I've lied to him,' she thought
miserably. 'Oh God, give me the strength to tell him the truth.'
"I'm
glad you think I've helped you," she said, smiling sadly, thinking of how
she was lying to this sweet, wonderful person.
Sam
noticed the wistful expression, "I don't just think you've helped me, I know
it!" he pointed at his chest, "in here, Josie. You've changed my
life."
She
blushed, suddenly remembering her dream about him. He really was such an
unbelievably wonderful man, she realized, sighing.
When
Sam saw her blush he thought suddenly of that incredible dream they'd shared
and he glanced away quickly, as he recalled what she'd said when she'd been
laying on the ground after the softball game. He looked down, trying to get his
thoughts on a more even keel.
Josie
looked at him staring at the floor and she sensed that he was struggling with
inner demons, just as she was.
She
asked tentatively, "Have you ever wanted something - wanted to say
something to someone only the timing was never right?"
Sam
swallowed and blinked, knowing he was teetering on the edge of an emotional
cliff. "Oh, absolutely yes, Josie, yes."
Josie
looked down. "Do you think you could, um, forgive someone for not telling
you something because of other obligations - like their job for instance - if
someone wanted to tell you something, but because of their job they had to wait
for the right time?"
He
was sure now that she was talking about him, because how could this possibly
apply to her? he wondered briefly. 'No, she's talking about me,' he decided.
'She's asking me for more of a sign, in an indirect way to protect me from
saying the wrong thing - to make things clearer between us.'
Sam
closed his eyes and started to talk slowly and deliberately. "I think when
two people are so . . . connected to each other, really so much a part
of each other that they even share an experience, like a dream for
instance…"
Josie
shivered visibly at the mention of the dream. She could see that he was trying
desperately to say the right thing and that he was afraid to look at her while
he was saying it. She looked down, too frightened to look at him as he searched
for the words to continue.
The
ringing telephone jarred them both. Josie nodded to Sam to answer it, since he
was closer and she suspected the call was for him.
"Hello,"
Sam said quietly, staring into Josie's eyes.
"Who
the hell is this? Where's Geller?" Gus Strauss snapped.
"Excuse
me? Who is this?" Sam said, confused and annoyed now that such an
obviously rude man would be calling Josie at night.
"God
Dammit, Rob, It's Gus! Her boss! I'm not screwing around here. Put Geller on,
now!" Gus barked.
Stunned,
Sam noticed the terrified look on Josie's face and the fact that she was
reaching for the phone. He'd never seen her look so frightened of anything.
"It's
someone named Gus," he whispered, handing the phone to her while trying to
comprehend all that he'd just heard. It didn't make sense.
"Hello,"
Josie said quietly. "I will Gus. No, it's Rob. Okay, I wrote it down, I'll
be there. Bye." She visibly flinched when Gus hung up on her.
Sam
looked at her with shock and concern. Josie looked tense and on edge suddenly.
He didn't like the effect this guy, Gus, had on her one bit. His mind was
reeling. Had he said he was her boss? And then there was Rob, how was he
involved in this? He felt so bewildered, he didn't know what to say.
At
that moment Rob and Coach Romano strolled through the door.
'It
still won't start, Sam. Is the auto club coming?" Scott asked. "I
have to use the facilities," he said sheepishly, looking around.
Sam
nodded, switching his gaze from Josie to Scott, then back again explaining,
"Yeah, they're supposed to call back - I'm waiting for them to call and
tell me what towing company's coming."
"Nice
apartment!" Scott said, looking around as Rob tried to lead him towards
the bathroom. "Wow, look at the aquarium! You've got turtles! What are
there names?" He asked as he took a detour over to the aquarium.
"Rosie
and Goldie," Rob answered for her. He could see that Josie was anxious
about something. "After some Shakespeare dudes. Don't pick em up though,
Coach, they're real moody," he instructed, gently steering Scot Romano
towards the bathroom.
Sam
smiled at Rob's characterization of the turtles' names, and at the idea of
moody turtles, but he still looked worriedly at Josie. He wondered again who
this person, Gus, was and what on earth the man had been talking about. None of
it made sense.
The
telephone rang again, but this time Josie answered. "It's for you,"
she said quietly handing the phone to Sam. Their fingers touched for one
magical instant.
"Hello?
Okay, great, thanks," Sam said as he wrote down the information, asked a
few questions and then hung up the phone. He looked at Rob and Scott, who had
just returned to the room. "They're coming - should be here within five
minutes. We'd better go back out," he said reluctantly and turned to
Josie.
"Thank
you so much, Josie, for everything," he said looking deeply into her eyes.
"Yeah,
thanks Josie," Scott chimed in.
"You're
welcome. See you all tomorrow," Josie said despondently, realizing that
her moment of truth had come and gone as Rob waved at her. Rob and Scott both
walked out first, leaving the door open for Sam.
Sam
took one last lingering look around as he walked towards the door looking
longingly at her and slowly, sadly closing it behind him. There were so many
questions swirling around in his brain, but he knew that now was not the time
or place. When their eyes met, he also knew what they both wanted - for him to
stay there - and they both knew it couldn't happen.
He
started to walk down the stairs slowly, feeling suddenly tired and somehow
lost. He sighed heavily, but then he heard her door open again and his heart
leapt at the sound. He stopped and looked up.
"Mr
Coulson," she called, "Come back!"
Sam's
heart skipped a beat as he ran back up the steps to her. He saw that she had
two things clutched in her hands.
"You
forgot your wallet on the counter," she said breathlessly as she nervously
handed it to him, hoping to God she could say what she needed to say. Something
told her it was now or never. Tonight was the night.
Sam
realized that Rob and Scott had gone out to the car ahead of him.
"Thanks,
Josie, for everything," he said quietly as he took his wallet from her,
secretly glad for another opportunity just to be close to her. "Please
don't forget what we said," he added seriously as she stood there on the
step above him. He reached up and gently rubbed the side of her arm and was
stunned to realize she was actually trembling.
Mustering
all the courage she had, slowly, tentatively she relaxed her grip on the pillow
and handed it to him.
"This
is for you," she said quietly as he turned the pillow over.
On
the front in beautiful needlepoint, she'd carefully, lovingly stitched,
"To
Sam, with all my love, Josie".
He
studied it in stunned silence. "For me?" He asked finally able to
croak out the words.
Josie
nodded, closing her eyes. "Please. I have so much I have to tell you and
explain to you about how I feel and everything else…"
He
looked at her, glanced down at the pillow, and then towards the street. Nothing
made sense anymore. All he knew was that he needed to somehow understand what
in the world was going on here.
"Josie,
tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it," he said, trying
desperately to breathe normally and act rationally.
"I
need to talk to you, Sam," she said firmly, saying his name openly and directly
for the first time in their relationship. "We have to talk alone,"
she repeated more forcefully. I have to tell you what's going on. I have to
tell you tonight. I can't wait any longer."
"What's
going on?" He echoed, thoroughly confused, as he swallowed nervously.
" I don't have a car, but I'll find a way to come back, ok?"
She
nodded, the tears welling in her eyes.
"You
know how I feel about you, don't you?" Sam added, his voice cracking with
emotion.
Josie
nodded again as she wiped away a tear.
"And
I know how I feel about you. That's why I have to tell you everything tonight.
Please have Rob bring you back here and give me that chance."
"But
I'm still your teacher, Josie." he protested weakly, hating himself for
saying it, trying his best to think for both of them. "I could call you…
Either way, I don't think we should involve Rob."
I'll
come to your apartment then," she suggested. "Please… I have
to explain in person."
He
looked at her worriedly, remembering that his apartment was the scene of their
dream. More importantly he was concerned about her well-being.
"I
don't want you driving by yourself," he decided firmly, trying to remain
calm and think rationally for both of them. It wasn't easy, with the way his
heart was pounding in his chest. "Not after you got hurt like that in the
ball game. I'll come back I promise. I'll figure out a way."
"I
just want a chance to explain things," she said again softly.
He
handed the pillow back to her. "Keep this – I'll be back for it, ok?"
"Okay,"
she murmured. "I'll be waiting."
They
both hesitated each starting to lean towards the other. He knew he was about to
kiss her and there was nothing he could do to stop himself. At the last
possible second, Josie pulled back with her eyes closed and Sam reluctantly did
the same. He knew in his heart that she had been the one who'd done the right
thing this time because he was as lost as one man could be.
As
he turned to go he felt like they were feeling the same sadness and
unexplainable sense of loss at being separated and he wondered why doing the
right thing hurt so much. And what on earth would happen when he returned?
Sam
walked outside slowly to wait with Rob and Scott, wanting to run back up there
and be with her, here and now.
"What's
wrong, Sam?" Scott asked looking at his friend.
"Nothing
new, Scott. I'm just confused that's all," he muttered.
Rob
and Scott both looked at him, quizzically, then looked at each other and
shrugged.
Sam
handed the driver his card and turned to look at Josie's window. He could see
her looking out at them with the same sad, worried expression on her face. Sam
sighed and closed his eyes, regretting the charade of leaving her even for a
moment.
The
tow truck driver finished with the card and handed it back to Sam.
"Ready
to go, Mr. C?" Rob interrupted Sam's thoughts.
"Yeah,
Rob, thanks again for doing this - for waiting and giving us the ride. I really
appreciate it." Sam said sincerely.
"No
problem, happy to do it," Rob said cheerfully. They all got into the Buick
with Coach Romano in the back seat and Sam in the front passenger seat next to
Rob. Sam stared at Josie standing at the window, still looking out at them,
until he lost sight of her when Rob turned the corner. He closed his eyes and
sighed, realizing that he loved her more now than he had when he'd gone into
that apartment. And now things were moving so fast, he knew something would
change irrevocably for them tonight.
Coach
Romano was oblivious to Sam's thoughts busily directing Rob to his apartment.
They pulled up in his parking lot and he opened the door. "Hey, thanks
again Rob. Great job coaching today. Hey Sam, I'll pick you up about 7:15. See
you guys."
"Bye
Scott," Sam said quietly. "See you tomorrow."
"Bye
Coach Romano," Rob said and waved.
Rob
listened then as Sam directed him to his apartment. Rob noticed that Sam seemed
troubled and preoccupied, but figured it was probably best not to bug him and
their ride was quiet and uneventful.
Sam
briefly considered asking Rob to take him back to Josie's but decided against
it. Whatever was about to happen was between him and Josie and no one else.
Whatever it was – he knew it was tormenting her and he had to let her know once
and for all how serious his feelings for her were. 'I'll just tell her the truth
– I love her and I want to marry her someday. If she knows that, If I can find
the courage to tell her that, maybe it will help her cope with whatever it is
that's upsetting her so much.'
*
* *
Immediately
after leaving Rob, Sam raced into his apartment to call a cab, then paced back
and forth nervously waiting for it to arrive. 'Just do it!' his heart told him,
as his brain swirled with questions about all that had transpired.
For
once in his life, Sam Coulson listened to his heart.
*
* *
Trying
to steady her nerves, Josie took another sip of white wine as she waited for
Sam to return. She'd changed back into the blue sundress she'd worn earlier in
the day, wanting to look her best for him when she told him the truth. She
sighed, fearing that he'd be so hurt and angry at her revelations that what she
was wearing would hardly matter. Still it made her feel a little better and
changing had filled up some of the time while he was gone.
When
she finally heard the cab pull up outside, she held her breath as she listened
to his footsteps rapidly climbing the stairs followed by his soft tentative
knock on the door.
Taking
another sip, she silently prayed for strength as she walked to the door and pulled
it open. She bit her lip when she saw him, looking so sweet and confused
standing there in his leather jacket and jeans. Shyly she gestured for him to
come in. "Would you like some…"
She
started pointing towards the wine on the coffee table by the love seat.
Sam
hesitated, stunned by how beautiful she looked in that sundress and her bare
feet. 'She changed to look nice for me!' he thought helplessly, as his heart
thundered in his chest.
He
could see the wine bottle and two glasses on the coffee table.
Sam
bit his lip. "I don't think I should Josie. I'm still your teacher
and….well you know I shouldn't be here…" he trailed off helplessly, but
then stopped when he saw the worried look on her face.
At
this point, he didn't want to mislead her either. "It'll just be a few
more weeks, Josie." He said weakly, hoping she'd understand his meaning.
She
shook her head. Enough was enough.
She
couldn't go on even another hour without telling him the truth, much less a few
more weeks.
"That's
why I have to talk to you, Sam." She said firmly. "Please sit
down."
Mutely,
he obeyed, walking to the chair that faced the loveseat, he'd watched her
lounging on only the night before. When she quietly sat in the same loveseat,
his mind flooded with erotic thoughts and memories as he pictured her in that
nightshirt, sitting in the same spot. He blinked nervously trying to focus on
the here and now.
She
hesitated, staring deep into his eyes.
"Please,
just tell me," he urged gently. "Whatever it is we can handle it
together."
She
took a deep breath, closing her eyes, again praying for strength.
"I'm
not who you think I am. I'm not really your student. I'm twenty-five years
old."
Sam
stared at her with his mouth open, speechless and stunned. The tears were
streaming down her cheeks as she studied him fearfully.
"I
don't understand," he mumbled weakly, his heart shattering into little
pieces at her revelations. "You're not who I think you are? You're
twenty-five years old?"
He
hesitated, swallowing the lump in his throat, trying to come to grips with what
he thought he'd heard.
"Does
that mean everything is a lie?"
She
shook her head, as she reached nervously for her glass of wine, taking another
long sip to try and calm herself.
"Maybe
I should have some too," Sam mumbled. He reached for the bottle, his hand
shaking as he poured the wine he hurriedly gulped, trying to get a handle on
all she'd just revealed.
Seeing
the pain in his eyes was too much for Josie.
Suddenly
the words all rushed out of her.
"What
I have to tell you is that I've been posing as a student, but I'm really a
reporter for the Chicago Sun Times and this is my first assignment, finding out
about kids today at South Glen South. I was a copy editor and this is my chance
to be a reporter. I'm twenty five years old and I live here by myself. Rob is
my little brother and the man you talked to on the phone is my boss, Gus
Strauss. I'm probably going to be fired for telling you this but I couldn't go
on lying to you. I've fallen in love with you and I hope you can forgive me for
all the lies."
Seeing
his evident confusion, Josie continued, "I'm telling you this because I
can't lie to you anymore, Sam. I love you. Please try to understand and forgive
me. I never wanted to hurt you. All the time we've spent together away from
school – it's been the best part of my life. I'll quit my job – I'll do
anything you want me to do if you'll forgive me."
Sam
bowed his head running both hands through his hair as he tried to absorb all
that she'd just told him. All the events of the past few days were rushing
through his mind as he tried to come to terms with all that she'd told him. He
was afraid to believe what he was hearing. Because if all this were true than
that would mean …all of a sudden he'd been handed everything he ever wanted –
and all of his dreams and fantasies had come true. 'But if she loves me, then…'
He mused and decided to ask the most important question.
"Josie,
in God's name, why didn't you tell me before this?"
Josie
swallowed nervously, "I started to tell you when I walked into your
classroom on Tuesday, when Lara was there hugging you and I just assumed that
I'd misunderstood how you felt about me…"
He
looked up into her eyes, shaking his head. "I thought she was you,"
he whispered weakly. "I only hugged her because I thought she was you,
Josie. I broke up with her Sunday night after I spent the day with you and Gina
and Georgia. She just came to town on business and decided to harass me."
"Then
when you wrote that on my paper and Matt told me those things, well you know. I
thought you saw me as a child."
Sam
shook his head again. "I told you I was jealous."
Josie
nodded. "I know, that's why I had to tell you tonight. I just couldn't
figure out how to do it. I was afraid that you'd hate me and now you do…"
He
studied her for a long moment, finally absorbing all that she'd revealed to him
on this night – putting herself, her job, her assignment and her heart on the
line for him. It was so much to comprehend but suddenly he realized all that
this meant.
Josie
was twenty five years old and she wasn't really his student. All the
restrictions on their relationship that he'd worried and tortured himself about
for days had never existed.
It
finally dawned on him that she'd taken such an enormous risk because she loved
him that much – more than anything else in her life – more than her job
certainly. 'She loves me just like I love her!" he realized happily,
slowly feeling the warmth and joy filling his heart.
"I
don't hate you, Josie," he said softly as he stared at the beautiful sad
woman in front of him, still keeping a safe distance while he tried to process
everything he'd learned.
"I
want you to tell me the whole story, everything from the beginning, ok."
Studying
her face, Sam listened while she poured out her heart to him, telling him about
her first disastrous high school experience, explaining how this had affected
her life up through this undercover assignment that had led her into his
classroom that fateful day in March. She held nothing back this time, leveling
with him about her lack of experience and the fact that she'd never been on a
date and, in fact, never been kissed.
He
listened intently while she described her struggle to be accepted in order to
write her article. He even smiled a little as she explained that Rob was her
younger brother. She also described Rob's successful efforts to help her to
achieve popularity this time around so she could get her story. As he hung on
every word Sam realized that not only did he love this woman, he loved her even
more now that he knew the truth.
As
she finished telling him everything, Josie sighed with relief. It felt good to
finally get it out in the open with Sam, even if it meant losing him and losing
her job. She knew she couldn't live with the lie for even one more day.
"Thank
you for coming back," she said softly, grateful for his kindness and
patience if nothing else.
He
smiled at her, slowly rising to his feet, his smile growing by the second as he
moved to sit next to her on the loveseat. Josie scooted over to make room for
him.
"Now
that you're not my student, would it be okay if I tell you I love you with all
my heart?" He asked quietly taking her hands in his.
Josie
nodded in surprise. "You do?" She gasped, breathlessly.
"Yes
I do!" He said forcefully. "You look so beautiful in that dress, you
take my breath away!" He smiled at her instantaneous blush, continuing,
"And I have two favors to ask, Miss Geller…"
She
looked at him expectantly.
Sam
took a deep breath, "As soon as you finish this assignment, the one I'm
going to help you with, will you please marry me?"
Josie's
mouth formed a perfect o as she joyfully nodded her assent. "Y- Yes!"
She stuttered, breaking into a huge smile as she stared into his green eyes.
As
he lifted his hand to gently caress her cheek, she whispered, "What's the
other question, Mr. Coulson?"
"Kiss
me?" he asked, as his eyes twinkled. "I don't want the title of your
story to be "Never Been Kissed!"
And
with that Sam folded her in his arms and kissed her passionately. Kissing Josie
was everything he'd ever imagined and much, much more.
When
they finally stopped to breathe; she reached up to lovingly smooth his hair,
just like she had that day when they'd painted the prom backdrop.
"Wow,
even better than I dreamed it!" Sam sighed smiling into her big blue eyes.
Then
he leaned in to kiss her again, finally expressing all the love that Josie
Geller had awakened in his sleeping heart.
The
End.
*
* *
Editor's
Note: To see the alternate version of the ending to "Sam's Awakening"
you may go to Stories.com, or you may click the link below to read the
remainder of the series.
*
* *