Date Posted: February 20, 2001
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Sam
followed Josie up the steps into her apartment, trying not to stare at her
backside and the rest of her curvy body as she moved in front of him. 'God,
Sam, you're worse than Matt!' he thought to himself, but he did not look away.
'You're still her teacher, you're still her teacher,' he said silently, over
and over. 'Don't think about that dream, Sam Coulson, whatever you do.'
When
he was at last inside, he looked around eagerly, noticing all the books, the
cozy gas fireplace, the big aquarium, and of course the now-familiar love seat
by the window. He took in the fact that the colors on the walls were blue and
white, just like his own apartment. But this place seemed so much warmer and
cozier. It was pretty, feminine, and inviting, just like Josie.
In
their mutual excitement to be alone together in her apartment, both of them
completely forgot about Rob and Scott Romano waiting outside.
"Josie,
this is really nice!" Sam said enthusiastically and before he could think
he blurted out, "just like I pictured it!" He cringed then and was
glad she wasn't in a position to see the expression on his face.
"Thanks,"
Josie said shyly, blushing at the compliment. She had dreamed so often of
having him come here to visit her and now that he was here in the flesh she was
overwhelmed with excitement. And she was still flustered about what Rob said
about her having talked to him about that incredible dream. She knew she didn't
dare bring that up and forced herself to try not to think about it.
Sam
was equally excited, thrilled really to be inside the place he'd imagined so
many times. He wanted to observe everything so he could think about it all
later when he knew he'd be alone again in his own dwelling. He continued to
glance around and the tremendous book collection and the beautiful needlepoint
pillows that decorated the living room struck him.
"Do
you collect needlepoint pillows, Josie?" he asked, gesturing toward her
loveseat, which was practically overflowing with them.
"Actually,"
she smiled, "I make them."
"You
made all these pillows yourself?" Josie nodded. He walked over and picked
one up, running his hand across the small neat stitches. "They're really
beautiful." He looked up and his eyes connected with hers.
Blushing
with pleasure, she replied softly, "Thank you."
He
turned to look at her and noticed the grease stain still on her cheek.
"Uh,
Josie, um you have a little grease there," he said pointing, "from
the jumper cables."
She
put her hand to her left cheek automatically.
Sam
grinned. "No wait, the other one. I'll get it. He picked up a tissue off
the coffee table and went in the kitchen to wet it in the sink. Then he walked
up to her and gently rubbed the stain. She closed her eyes trustingly while he
softly rubbed her cheek. He noticed her beautiful eyelashes and of course
immersed himself in the now familiar scent of peach blossoms that always
surrounded her.
While
Sam was standing so close to her, Josie inhaled the intoxicating scent from his
aftershave and it made her shiver and feel a little lightheaded. She wondered
at how he always had the power to overwhelm all of her senses, even with her
eyes closed, she pictured him standing so near to her touching her cheek ever
so gently.
"There,
that's got it," he said smiling. He welcomed any excuse whatsoever to
touch any part of her and stand this close to her. He thought he was imagining
things when he noticed her shivering. 'Don't even think like that, Sam,' he
thought to himself.
She
held out her hand for the tissue to put it in the trash. He put it in her hand
gently brushing her palm. "Thanks," she said sweetly, going over to
the trashcan then coming back to stare into his eyes.
He
suddenly panicked and averted his eyes then, focusing on her sweatshirt. He
pointed at it. "Northwestern? Does this mean you're reconsidering college,
I hope?" Then he suddenly realized he was now staring at her breasts.
'God, Sam, would you get a grip here!' he chided himself and he looked at her
bare feet.
Josie
noticed him staring at her feet, so she looked down as well. "No, I'm not
- it's just my dad's shirt," she lied wwondering if he had something
against bare feet or if maybe Rob was right and her feet did smell bad.
She
felt a need to explain. "I was just soaking my feet - they hurt after all
that running - when I heard talking out front and I ran out - forgot to put my
shoes on," she explained nervously. "I'm sorry I guess I look
terrible," she said self-consciously.
He
looked into her eyes again then. "No you don't - you look great as
always," he said earnestly, wanting desperately to re-locate his lost
train of thought. They were both flustered at his spontaneous compliment.
'College!'
he thought suddenly. "Um, oh yeah - promise me you won't make any
decisions about it before you talk to me, okay?"
Josie
looked confused for a minute, trying to remember what he'd been talking about.
She looked at her feet.
Sam
saw the confused look and hurriedly explained. "About college, I mean,
don't make any final decisions about um college." 'God, I really sound
articulate, wouldn't Yale be proud?' he thought disgustedly.
He
swallowed. "I'm serious about that Josie," he added for emphasis. He
was hoping to have word from Dartmouth about setting up an interview for her
any day now.
"Oh,
I promise," she said quietly. "I'll definitely talk to you before I
make any final decision - absolutely."
Sam
wanted to change the subject and he knew he needed to look away from her eyes,
her breasts, her feet and every other part of her. He looked around the room.
"This is such a pretty place, Josie. Has your aunt lived here long?"
Josie
sighed. She was so fed up with lying to Sam. "Actually, Mr. Coulson, there
is no aunt. It's just me here. Really I've been by myself since I started at
South Glen South."
Sam
was momentarily thrown by this new information. Josie really did live alone
now, just like he did. 'Just like she said in that dream,' he thought. 'Send
her back to be alone with those turtles and the penguin. Don't go there, Sam.
Don't go there, Sam.' He was becoming more and more agitated. 'Focus on
something, Sam,' he told himself, glancing at the walls.
"You
did a nice job painting, Josie. Did you pick out the colors?"
"Yes,"
she said quietly. "I picked out all the colors and fabric. Pretty much
everything you see actually. I painted it the first couple of weekends after I
started school. My brother helped me."
"And
are all these books yours then?" Sam asked pointing to the voluminous
shelves, grinning at her.
Josie
nodded. "Yes, everything here is mine. You know how much I love to
read."
Suddenly,
Sam heard the sound of Scott Romano still trying to start his car and he was
reminded of why he came there in the first place. He sighed at his
absent-mindedness whenever Josie was nearby.
"I
really like this, Josie. I wish I could look at all of your books, but I guess
I should use the phone to call for a tow truck, if it's okay?" he said,
blushing. He looked at her, 'I'd rather forget about it and throw you down on
that love seat and kiss you forever,' he thought as he looked into her smiling
face.
Josie
led him to the telephone on the bar in the kitchen. "Here's the
phone," she said, handing it to him. "Do you belong to an auto club?
If you don't you can use mine," she offered.
"Thanks,
Josie. I do belong to one. I've got the card in my wallet here," Sam said
as he pulled his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans. He looked through
it until he located the card, then he pulled out the membership card and set
his wallet down on the counter. Even though he was nervous about being along
with her, now that he was actually inside her apartment he felt strangely happy
and at peace.
It
was almost as if he felt like he'd come home, he realized suddenly. Being with
Josie here in this place felt more like a home to him than his own apartment,
he thought a little sadly. He was sad because he knew that eventually this
visit would end and he would return there alone.
And
as nervous and flustered as they both were, Sam knew for certain that he'd
never been as happy in his life as he was this very moment, just being with her
in her home.
He
tried to pull it together than and looked at the card and dialed the number of
the auto club, only to reach a recording saying that his call would be answered
in approximately five minutes. He rolled his eyes and turned around to look at
Josie, holding his hand over the receiver. "It'll be five minutes at least
of Muzak," he said looking at her. Even though he pretended to be
impatient at the delay he was glad for any excuse to lengthen the duration of
his visit.
Josie
was standing fairly close to him and since she could see that he would be a
while on the phone, she motioned for him to sit on the bar stool and she sat on
the one next to him and turned to face him. As he turned to face her also,
their knees brushed together. Josie looked down then, embarrassed, and leaned
back and her stool nearly tipped over. Sam jumped off his stool, still cradling
the phone on his shoulder and steadied her with his other arm around her
holding up the back of her stool. As soon as he made sure she was upright, he
knew he should let go but something made him stay there for a moment just to
feel her body next to him.
'No,
stop it, Sam!' his conscious yelled and he gently backed away and sat down
again. When he touched her and put his arm around her to catch her they both
felt the familiar thrill of excitement from just being so close. They both
started at the floor for a long moment. Josie was afraid to breathe for fear he
would move and when he finally did she finally exhaled.
Sam
cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure and think of something to
say. "Josie, when we were outside, Rob started to say something about
Aldys knowing a lot about cars - he said to ask you about it, what was that
about?"
Josie
had calmed down enough to answer him now, "Yes, Aldys is great with cars.
She helped fix mine when Guy and those kids hid it and disconnected the battery,
my first day of school at South Glen South. If it hadn't been for Aldys helping
me, I wouldn't have returned to school after that awful day."
"What?"
Sam asked, clearly shocked as he thought back to the first day he saw her in
his classroom. He had no idea about what she had gone through that day - the
day that she'd walked into his life and changed it forever. He remembered every
thing he'd felt that day - the sensation that he'd been hit by lightning the
moment he looked into her eyes. She was what he remembered about that day - he
knew he could tell her everything she'd said in his classroom and he could
describe in detail what she'd been wearing right down to the shoes on her feet.
Sam
recognized that discussing all that would have to wait for another time when he
was no longer her teacher. He tried to think back about the rest of that day.
All he could remember was that they were on some kind of different schedule
because the first time he saw her was exactly 9:42 in the morning. He'd glanced
at the clock before he'd turned to see her there in the front row, staring at
him with the most radiant smile he'd ever seen. He even recalled how his hand
had shaken when he wrote the word "pastoral" on the board. He knew
his thoughts were drifting. 'Focus, Sam!' he thought angry at himself for
drifting away when she was finally beginning to open up to him.
"You
wouldn't have come back? What happened, Josie?" he asked, obviously
concerned.
Josie
looked at Sam and sighed. "We were on that weird schedule with no home
room and your class was in the morning that day. When I came in the guard
searched my bag and it took forever and then when I pulled the schedule out I
had the wrong one so I was late to Ms. Knox's class. I ended up wearing that
awful sombrero and I had to introduce myself to the class wearing it. Then some
girls made fun of my outfit so I could hear them. Let's see, what else? Then I
spilled chocolate milk all over my white pants at lunch, Ms. Brown yelled at me
in Phys. Ed. And when I came out to find my car it was gone."
"Oh,
Josie, how awful!" Sam said, clearly upset for her. "I wish I'd known
at the time and could've helped you somehow."
"It
turned out okay, though because Aldys was really nice. She shared her book with
me in your class. Then she took me to eat and helped me find my car. When we
found it, it was in the middle of the football field. Aldys reconnected the
battery for me that Guy and those kids had disconnected. She asked me to join
the Denominators - she really included me and made me feel welcome. I'll never
forget it," Josie said seriously.
"Aldys
is a really special person," Sam agreed. "I'm glad she helped you,
Josie. But you weren't really going to quit school were you? I mean a student
of your caliber and talent - you shouldn't even have that as an option, you
know?"
Josie
blushed at the compliment, but she wanted to open up to him about how she'd
felt that day. "My experience at my previous high school was horrendous.
Yes, I would have left that day and wouldn't have returned if it weren't for
Aldys. Then there was one other day that was even worse than that and I
actually was running out of school when I ran into the office door headfirst.
It ended up okay though - I guess if I can live through all that I can face
just about anything. Rob helped me. If it hadn't been for Aldys and Rob on
those two days, I would have left absolutely." Sam could tell that she was
serious and meant what she was saying.
Sam
looked and felt alarmed, shaken to his very being. He couldn't imagine what
would have happened to him if Josie had left school at either one of those
times. 'Thank God for Aldys and Rob," he said silently as he looked at
Josie with concern. Just then his call connected him to a person. Sam gave his
name and member number then he explained what they thought was wrong with his
car to the auto club representative. He paused then.
Josie
was looking at him and waiting for Sam to ask her for the address. To her
surprise, he did not need to ask her. "Yes, it's across the street from
4202 Oakcliff and the telephone number is 555-0589," he said quickly,
never hesitating.
Josie
looked down and smiled to herself, realizing that Sam did know her address and
telephone number by heart, since it wasn't posted anywhere by the phone. She got
up from her bar stool then as Sam continued to talk. She noticed the pan of
water for soaking her feet and motioned to him that she was going into the
other room to empty it.
Sam
stared at her, mesmerized, as she picked up the pan and carried it to a room
that was obviously her bedroom. He had been put on hold again on the phone so
his mind was free to wander. When she opened the door he saw her bed and all
the memories of their shared dreamlike experience flooded his consciousness.
Then he started when he noticed her Penguin, Sam resting on more needlepoint
pillows in the middle of her bed. He thought about how in the dream she'd asked
him if he wanted to send her back here to be with that penguin and those
turtles.
Sam
grimaced then at his own weakness and turned his head to stare into the
kitchen. The only problem was he found himself looking at the laundry basket on
top of her washing machine. There, within feet of him in that laundry basket
was a peach colored object he recognized as her revealing nightshirt, that he'd
seen and dreamt about so vividly. Sam closed his eyes then and prayed for
strength to control his wayward thoughts and desires. Luckily, the autoclub
representative came back on the line and they finished their conversation.
By
the time she returned to the living room, Sam was hanging up the phone. His
palms were sweaty now he realized. He looked at Josie and smiled shakily,
"They're going to check on the available towing companies to take it where
I want it worked on and call me back here in a few minutes."
"Oh,
okay," she said and smiled. "Would you like a soda or something? Or a
snack, maybe?"
"Just
water would be great Josie. Rob warned me to stay away from your snacks, but I
have to tell you that I love carrot sticks!" he grinned. "I just ate
though so I'm not hungry now," he explained.
Josie
laughed as she went to the refrigerator and poured him a glass of ice water. On
the door of the refrigerator Sam noticed she'd written the name,
"Gus" and next to it "Meeting after school Friday," with a
drawing of an unhappy face next to it. He wondered if this was the same Gus who
coached softball. He was curious about it but didn't want to pry. However, he
did think it was odd that she'd drawn that face next to it. Then there was that
thing she'd muttered about Gus killing her. That was strange too.
Sam
looked across the bar at her. She was still standing inside her kitchen on the
other side of the counter. "I'm glad you decided to stay at South Glen
South, Josie." He hesitated, wanting to say something more in line with
what he felt, but not quite knowing how to do it in an appropriate way.
"Things are a lot better for you now, aren't they?"
She
nodded. "Yes, it's much better - it's unbelievable what Rob has
accomplished in just three weeks.
"Not
just Rob, I mean you - Josie - what you've accomplished - the friends you've
made. I mean you're really popular now - isn't that what you wanted?"
Josie
looked into Sam's eyes and spoke seriously. "I thought it was what I
wanted at first, but now that I've got it - you know, I'm popular - whatever
that means. Now I realize it doesn't mean much. It's like that old saying, be
careful what you wish for - you just might get it… As far as friends go - I
have three friends and they haven't changed since that first week."
"Three
friends?" Sam asked softly. "Aldys, Rob and…?" he hesitated.
Josie
spoke from her heart then. "And my dearest friend, my English
Teacher," she said smiling at him.
Sam
was overjoyed to hear her say it out loud, that he was important to her and
that she considered him her dearest friend. He felt that in his entire life,
nothing had touched him more deeply than this simple phrase from the woman he
loved. He was amazed at how mature she was in her attitude towards her sudden popularity.
She had already put it in perspective and had a healthy attitude about who her
real friends were and what really meant something to her life, he realized.
Once again she'd surprised him with her incredibly sweet and sensible
personality.
Josie
looked down and cleared her throat. She knew what she wanted to say; she just
wasn't sure how to go about it. Somehow she felt more comfortable saying it
with the bar between them. She wanted to tell him exactly how he'd helped her -
to let him know how she felt about him as a teacher.
"I
always wanted to be a writer. You know how you always say, 'Write what you
know'?"
Sam
nodded, touched that she was quoting from him again, and he was certain that
she really did remember everything he'd told her both in and out of the
classroom.
Josie
continued, "My experience with high school in the past was so awful…before
South Glen South, I mean."
Sam
could see how she shuddered just talking about it. He wondered what could have
been so terrible, but he wanted her to tell him about it when she was ready. He
also sensed that she was more comfortable standing in the kitchen with the bar
between them. Somehow he knew it was easier for him to control himself without
her so close, but he longed to have her next to him just the same.
She
bit her lip then and continued.
"Anyway,
it was so bad that I knew I could never write about it. It just hurt too much
to even think about. But now it's like I'm seeing the other side of high school
- the fun side - the positive side".
Sam
felt like he was really seeing into her heart now. She'd never talked to him
this seriously about anything and he could tell it was very difficult for her.
He nodded encouragingly while she searched for the right words.
"And
since you've encouraged me with my writing - writing about things that I know
about…well, I really feel that now somehow I can write about the bad part and
maybe put it in perspective, and maybe put it behind me. At least I hope I can
because I think I need to do that - to move beyond the past to be happy. I'm
still me though, the same person and for the first time in my life because you
believe in me I feel like maybe that just being me is well, you know
okay…" He noticed she said it tentatively and he knew what he wanted to say.
"Josie,
you're more than okay - don't you know what a special person you are?"
She
looked down then because she was embarrassed.
"Even
if no one else sees it, you should know it inside of you. I mean, you're a
brilliant, beautiful, funny, kindhearted, amazing…" he searched for the
word, then he knew what it was, "woman," he finished.
She
looked up into his deep green eyes then. She could see that he meant every word
of it, but still she had her doubts about herself and he could see that as he
looked into the eyes he loved so much.
"And
don't tell me I have to say that because I'm your teacher because I've never
said that to any student - just you. And you know me well enough by now to know
I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."
Josie
blushed and looked down. "Josie, look at me," he said it kindly but
firmly. She looked up then meeting his gaze.
"If
any of those kids or even all of those kids at South Glen South are too dense
to see it, it still doesn't change a thing. And I don't care how bad your day at
school is, you aren't going to quit because I won't let you. I'll come get you
and drag you back to class." Josie smiled at that thought. "And I
have a feeling Rob and Aldys would help me. So even though you are very
stubborn, I don't think even you could resist the three of us together."
She
laughed at the picture of the three of them dragging her back to school.
Sam
knew he had more to say to her. "Josie, what happens in high school really
isn't that important in the bigger scheme of things. I-I wasn't popular or
anything in high school it wasn't a great time for me."
She
looked at him skeptically.
"Now
see, you're giving me that look here. I was a skinny, goofball in high school.
I did play hockey and baseball, but those weren't popular sports at my school.
People were more into football and basketball. Other than that, I pretty much
read books and did extra credit work for fun. Oh, yeah and I hung out with my
friend Jon, watching sports on TV.
Josie
smiled picturing him as a teenager. She couldn't imagine him being anything but
devastatingly handsome and sweet.
He
continued, "Josie, who cares now what happened then? Do you think less of
me as a person because I wasn't popular in high school?"
"No,
definitely not," she said seriously.
Sam
closed his eyes for a second, debating whether on not to tell her the next
part. He decided he needed to share it with her.
"Josie,
there are people in my life - even people in my family - who think less of me
because I teach high school." He saw the concerned look on her face.
"But
really, you know, who cares? I mean it bothered me until recently - it made me
question everything about myself, you know?"
Josie
nodded sympathetically and said quietly, "I do know how it feels to be
insecure, but how could you feel that way? You're such a great teacher, Mr.
Coulson."
"I
want to be a great teacher, Josie. I mean, I really love teaching and…"
Sam swallowed, "you've helped me see that it's an important job, so in
that way we've really helped each other. At least I hope I've helped you
somehow with your writing."
"You
have helped me, more than you know," she said seriously.
"I'm
glad because I want you to know that you've done the same for me. If you had
left that first day of school - if you had given up, just think about what
might have happened to me…" he struggled to find the right words,
"what would have happened to me without you."
He
hesitated, but went on, "You helped me to see what I'm doing means
something and…more than that, I mean…" He swallowed nervously, knowing he
needed to be careful here. "You really kept me from making a huge mistake
by helping me find what I really want. I know now what I want, it's just a
matter of doing the right thing - being patient and waiting for the…er…timing to
be right."
Josie
looked at him and blinked, trying to absorb what he'd just said. 'Here he is
telling me how I've helped him and I've lied to him,' she thought sadly.
"I'm
glad you think I've helped you," she said, smiling sadly, thinking of how
she was lying to this sweet, wonderful person.
Sam
noticed the wistful expression, "I don't just think you've helped me, I
know it," he pointed at his chest, "in here, Josie. You've changed my
life."
She
blushed than, suddenly remembering her dream about him. He really was such an
unbelievably wonderful man, she realized, sighing.
When
Sam saw her blush he thought suddenly of that incredible dream they'd shared
and he glanced away quickly, as he replayed what she'd said when she'd been
laying on the ground after the softball game. He looked down then, trying to
get his thoughts on a more even keel.
Josie
looked at him staring at the floor and she sensed that he was struggling with
inner demons, just as she was. She asked tentatively, "Mr. Coulson, have
you ever wanted something - wanted to say something to someone only the timing
was never right?"
Sam
swallowed and blinked, knowing he was teetering on the edge of an emotional
cliff. "Oh, absolutely yes, Josie, yes."
Josie
looked down. "Do you think you could, um, forgive someone for not telling
you something because of other obligations - like their job for instance - if
someone wanted to tell you something, but because of their job they had to wait
for the right time? If that person caused you pain because of that do you think
you could or do you think a person could forgive another person for holding
something important back in order to keep and well really, do their job?"
He
was sure now that she was talking about him, because how could this possibly
apply to her? He wondered briefly. 'No, she's talking about me,' he decided.
'She's asking me for more of a sign, in an indirect way to protect me from
saying the wrong thing - to make things clearer between us.'
Sam
closed his eyes and started to talk slowly and deliberately. "I think when
two people are so…connected to each other, really so much a part of each other
that they even share an experience, like a dream for instance…"
Josie
shivered at the mention of the dream. She could see that he was trying
desperately to say the right thing and that he was afraid to look at her while
he was saying it. She looked down then too frightened to look at him as he
continued.
"And,
and…somehow they communicate without speaking, what they can't tell each other
with words. Then I think at the right time when the job or whatever obligation
or duty is over, and they tell each other everything honestly about what they
feel, than I…I mean I hope they could forgive everything and move on and build
a life together - when the time is right and everything is right for both of
them."
The
ringing telephone jarred them both. Josie nodded to Sam to answer it, since he
was closer and she suspected the call was for him.
"Hello,"
Sam said quietly, staring into Josie's eyes now.
"Who
the hell is this? Where's Geller?" Gus Strauss snapped.
"Excuse
me? Who is this?" Sam said, confused and annoyed now that such an
obviously rude man would be calling Josie at night.
"God
damn it, Rob; its Gus! I'm not screwing around here. Put Geller on now!"
Gus barked.
Sam
noticed the terrified look on Josie's face and the fact that she was reaching
for the phone. He'd never seen her look so frightened of anything. "It's
someone named Gus," he whispered, handing the phone to her while making a
face.
"Hello,"
Josie said quietly. "I will Gus. No, it's Rob. Okay, I wrote it down, I'll
be there. Bye." She visibly flinched when Gus hung up on her.
Sam
looked at her with concern. Josie looked tense and on edge suddenly. He didn't
like the effect this guy, Gus, had on her one bit. And he had the nagging
feeling that she'd lied to Gus about who had answered the phone.
At
that moment Rob and Coach Romano came in the door.
'It
still won't start, Sam. Is the auto club coming?" Scott asked.
Sam
nodded, switching his gaze from Josie to Scott. "Yeah, they're supposed to
call back - I'm waiting for them to call and tell me what towing company's
coming."
"Nice
apartment!" Scott said, looking around. "Wow, look at the aquarium!
You've got turtles! What are there names?" He asked as he walked over to
the aquarium.
"Rosie
and Goldie," Rob answered for her. He could see that Josie was anxious
about something. "After some Shakespeare dudes. Don't pick em up though,
Coach, they're real moody," he instructed.
Sam
smiled at the turtles' names, and at the idea of moody turtles, but he still
looked worriedly at Josie. He wondered again who this person, Gus, was.
The
telephone rang again then, but this time Josie answered. "It's for
you," she said quietly handing the phone to Sam. Their fingers touched
again for one magical instant.
"Hello?
Okay, great, thanks," Sam said hanging up. He looked at Scott and Rob.
"They're coming - should be here within five minutes. We'd better go back
out," he said reluctantly and turned to Josie then.
"Thank
you so much, Josie, for everything," he said looking deeply into her eyes.
"Yeah,
thanks Josie," Scott chimed in.
"You're
welcome. See you all tomorrow," Josie said quietly as Rob waved at her.
Rob and Scott both walked out then, leaving the door open for Sam.
Sam
took one last lingering look around as he walked towards the door then looked
at her and slowly closed it behind him. When their eyes met he knew what they
both wanted - for him to stay there - and they both knew it couldn't happen,
that they had to both face another night alone.
He
started to walk down the stairs slowly, feeling suddenly tired and somehow
lost. He sighed heavily, but then he heard her door open again and his heart
leapt at the sound. He stopped and looked up.
"Mr.
Coulson," she called, "Come back!"
Sam's
heart skipped a beat as he ran back up the steps to her. He saw that she had
something in her hand.
"You
forgot your wallet on the counter," she said breathlessly as she hurried
down to hand it to him.
He
knew that Rob and Scott had gone out ahead of him.
"Thanks,
Josie, for everything," he said quietly. He noticed that she had the hint
of a tear in her eye as she handed him his wallet. "Please don't forget
what we said," he added seriously as she stood there on the step above
him. He reached up and gently rubbed the side of her arm.
"Goodnight." He whispered.
"Goodnight,"
she said smiling softly into his eyes, as she shivered at his touch. They both
hesitated then and started to lean towards each other. He knew he was about to
kiss her and there was nothing he could do to stop himself. At the last
possible second, Josie pulled back with her eyes closed and Sam reluctantly did
the same. He knew in his heart that she had been the one who'd done the right
thing this time because he was as lost as one man could be.
As
he turned to go he felt like they were feeling the same sadness and
unexplainable sense of loss and he wondered why doing the right thing hurt so
much.
Sam
walked outside slowly to wait with Rob and Scott. As he walked up to them, he
noticed the tow truck coming up the street towards his car. He was relieved
because he was feeling an unbelievably strong yearning to run back inside that
wonderful apartment and just be with her forever.
Sam
reached for his wallet again to show the driver his auto club card. He opened
it up and suddenly noticed what was in his wallet on the opposite side from the
card. "Oh, way to go, Sam!" he muttered under his breath. Because
there across from the auto club card was an old picture of him and Lara that he
hadn't even remembered was there. He knew Josie must have seen it when she
picked up the wallet.
"What's
wrong, Sam?" Scott asked looking at his friend.
"Nothing
new, Scott. I'm just a moron, that's all." But he knew that somehow, Josie
had still been on the verge of kissing him. 'Maybe she knows the truth in her
heart,' he thought suddenly.
Rob
and Scott looked at him quizzically, then looked at each other and shrugged.
Sam
handed the driver his card then and turned to look at Josie's window. He could
see her looking out at them with the same sad expression on her face. Sam
sighed and closed his eyes.
The
tow truck driver finished with the card and handed it back to Sam.
"Ready
to go, Mr. C?" Rob interrupted Sam's thoughts.
"Yeah,
Rob. Thanks again for doing this - for waiting and giving us the ride. I really
appreciate it." Sam said sincerely.
"No
problem, happy to do it," Rob said cheerfully. They all got into the Buick
with Coach Romano in the back seat and Sam in the front passenger seat next to
Rob. Sam stared at Josie standing at the window, still looking out at them,
until he lost sight of her when Rob turned the corner. He closed his eyes and
sighed, realizing that he loved her more now than he had when he'd gone into
that apartment. He hadn't thought that could be possible, but it was true as
always.
Coach
Romano was busy directing Rob to his apartment. They pulled up in his parking
lot and he opened the door. "Hey, thanks again Rob. Great job coaching
today. Hey Sam, I'll pick you up about 7:15. See you guys."
"Bye
Scott," Sam said quietly. "See you tomorrow."
"Bye
Coach Romano," Rob said and waved.
Rob
listened then as Sam directed him to his apartment. Rob fiddled with the radio
turning it to his favorite country station. They rode listening to music for a
few minutes when Rob exclaimed "Whoa, George Strait rules! I love this
song!" As he turned up the volume, Sam recognized the song and suddenly he
was reminded of what Jon had told him - things happen for a reason. His day
that had begun with a song describing his feelings for Josie, now was ending
with another song that described what he'd just been through. Sam shook his
head and smiled listening to the lyrics of "We Really Shouldn't Be Doing
This:"
We
really shouldn't be doing this
and we both know why
Just being close enough to think like this
Is enough to make you need to lie
This kind of talk could lead us to somewhere
We're gettin way to close to going there
We're farther off better to resist
We really shouldn't be doing this…
Then
the final line was the killer:
Won't
even think about a goodbye kiss
Sam
closed his eyes as the song finished and Rob turned the volume back down. He
turned to look at Rob. "This is a really nice car, Rob," he said
sincerely, wanting to get his mind off that song and what had happened in that
apartment.
Rob
saw an opening and he decided this was his chance. "Thanks, but actually,
Mr. C…it's not my car, this is Josie's car."
Sam's
eyes opened wide in shock. "What? Why are you driving Josie's car and why
is she driving that older car?"
Rob
already had his explanation planned. "We had a bet and as a result we
switched cars. Josie's driving my car. I really want mine back, but you know
how Josie is - stubborn and everything - she won't switch back with me until we
graduate."
"Josie
is the one who won't switch?" Sam had spent a good deal of time worrying
about Josie in that old beat-up car she drove and now what Rob was telling him
made no sense at all.
"Yeah,
I'm dying to get Bambi back," Rob said wistfully.
"Bambi?"
Sam asked, confused.
"Yeah,
that's my car's name. I love my car, Mr. C."
Sam
grinned. He couldn't imagine why Josie would want to continue to drive Rob's car.
"Mr.
C, maybe you could put in a word for me - try to convince Josie to give Bambi
back. I mean I miss my car and she sounded a little sick tonight. Do you think
you could try talking to Josie about it?"
"I'd
be happy to try, Rob," he said hoping he could convince Josie to drive the
newer, safer car.
"Thanks,
Mr. Coulson. I really appreciate it. I hope you get your car back soon too. I'm
sure you'll miss her."
Sam
smiled to himself, thinking about whom he missed, and it most definitely was
not his car.
"Here
we are, Rob. Thanks for the ride," Sam said gratefully.
"No
problem, Mr. Coulson. See you tomorrow," Rob said and waved.
He
watched Sam walk up the stairs to the apartment building entrance.
Rob
smiled to himself then, turning up his radio to volume he liked again..
"It won't be long now, Bambi," he sighed longingly.
To
be continued…