Date Posted: February 20, 2001
*
* *
Josie
stood by her living room window watching Sam preparing to leave, along with Rob
and Coach Romano. She saw the wistful expression on his face as he stared up at
her in the window just before getting into the front seat of her Buick next to
Rob. Shortly thereafter the tow truck hauled his car away into the night. She
thought longingly about how nice it had been to have him here in her apartment.
She felt so desolate now, she realized sadly, so empty inside and so very
alone.
Sam
had been so sweet and kind to her. And that dream she'd shared with him had
been so incredible - to know that he'd experienced something similar had sent
shivers up her spine. She knew he'd had a similarly strong reaction to it by
the way he'd blushed and stared at the floor when he'd referred to it. At that
very moment she'd fought off the irrational urge to run to the door and lock
him in with her so she could tell him everything.
Shortly
before he'd walked down those stairs to leave the second time, he'd been about
to kiss her. She knew it for certain and she'd been the one to pull back. Josie
knew she couldn't kiss him like that while she was still lying to him about who
she was. She sensed it would not have been a quick peck on the cheek. Oh, no -
Sam was about to kiss her passionately right there on the stairs, and he didn't
care who was watching. Sam - the same man she loved with all her heart
and had dreamed of visiting in his bed the night before.
Just
before that, she'd been hit by a harsh dose of reality when she saw the picture
in his wallet - a picture of Sam and Lara obviously taken years before at a
formal occasion of some sort. Josie had only looked at the picture for a
moment…even so it was a vivid reminder that he had a long-standing relationship
with another woman. Before today such a picture would have given her pause -
no, it would have frightened her away. But, she knew now that he loved her. Sam
Coulson, wonderful, handsome, sweet, kind Sam Coulson loved Josie Geller.
She
had never seen Sam look as unhappy as he looked in that picture. Josie wondered
why a man would carry a picture of himself with his girlfriend where he looked
totally miserable. She wouldn't normally minimize such a long- term attachment,
but she knew now for certain that he was the man for her. She also knew that
Lara was not right for him.
Her
first inclination was to feel the familiar stab of jealousy, but after further
reflection Josie knew in her heart that Sam was unhappy in the relationship and
that had been what he'd meant when he said that Josie had kept him from making
a mistake. "He loves me," she said softly, as she hugged herself.
She
thought about all Sam had said to her this evening. "He told me I'm
brilliant, beautiful and amazing," she said out loud. He also had said
that two people who were so connected that they shared the same dream could
find a way to work things out.
Even
though she was tired from her long day, Josie took out her lap top computer and
sat down to begin her story outline. She knew she needed to get going on her
article so she could tell Sam the truth at last.
"I
hope you mean what you say, Sam about forgiveness and working things out,"
she said quietly as she gazed one last time at the empty street where his car
had been. "I hope you can feel how much I love you, Sam Coulson," she
murmured. She closed her eyes, squared her shoulders and started to type.
*
* *
Sam
walked into his apartment, setting his briefcase and keys down on his desk.
Then he went into the bedroom and took off his shoes and socks, then pulled off
his clothes, throwing them into his clothes hamper. He changed into his
preferred sleeping attire - his boxers and big T-shirt. It had been a long day
of emotional ups and downs all revolving around Josie. And he wouldn't have
traded it for any other day in his life, he realized dreamily.
As
Sam padded back into his living room, he noticed his message light blinking on
his telephone. He pressed play and heard the message he'd been waiting for from
the Admissions Director at Dartmouth. He had read Josie's work and would be in
Chicago the last week of school and wanted Sam to arrange a meeting with Josie
to discuss an academic scholarship.
Sam
knew this would be a surprise to her - and he hoped it would be a pleasant one.
He realized he needed to convince her to consider college. He also was aware
that he had his work cut out for him, since for some unfathomable reason she
seemed so opposed to the idea.
Sam
also wanted to persuade her to switch cars with Rob as a matter of her safety,
now that he knew she had been driving Rob's car all along. Just coming off a
day where she'd lost her temper with him for treating her like a child, he knew
he would have to approach her carefully with regard to both matters. After what
he'd experienced today, he knew he didn't want to have her angry with him
again. "That's for sure," he said quietly, shaking his head. Josie
hadn't been mean at all, but she'd let him know she was angry with him. He
thought about how adorable she had looked even when she was angry, kicking dirt
in the dugout.
Sam
also knew that he needed to respond to several interview requests he'd received
from two public schools and one private school in New Hampshire, near
Dartmouth. He wanted to be certain that Josie was interested in college there
before he did anything in that direction at all. Since things had progressed as
far as they had between them, he found himself wishing that she would enroll in
Northwestern so they could both stay in Chicago.
Now
that he'd seen her at home in her apartment, he had a feeling that she'd be
hesitant to leave it. He really couldn't blame her for that. He'd never felt so
at home as he had the moment he walked into her place. He hadn't even felt that
way here in his own apartment, he realized as he looked around his living room.
'Maybe
I associate it with Lara,' he thought sadly, remembering all the arguments they'd
had and tantrums she'd thrown here, not to mention all the things of his she'd
thrown out or broken, including his Gordie Howe helmet and Bruce Springsteen
album. He'd always felt happier and more at home at school then he had in his
own apartment. And since meeting Josie, that feeling had increased as he
eagerly anticipated his workdays more than he did time off, which in essence
meant time away from her.
Sam
felt sentimental in a way that Lara could never understand about certain
objects here like his desk, chair and his hockey trophies, but Sam knew that
this apartment did not hold happy memories for him. That was part of the reason
he'd decided to move out even before he met Josie. The apartment just was a
daily reminder to him of his unhappy relationship and lonely life. Somehow he'd
known that he needed to get out even six months ago. He just hadn't realized
that the deteriorating relationship with Lara was at the root of his
unhappiness.
Day
by day, his attachment and connection to Josie had grown stronger and deeper
every single time he saw her, especially during these last two weeks. Tonight,
being with her in her cozy apartment with all the little touches that were pure
Josie had awakened even more intense previously dormant emotions inside him.
"We
belong together," he said quietly and decisively, as he looked around his
living room. He felt such an overwhelming need to be with her now. He'd spent a
little over forty-five minutes in her apartment, but he knew now that home for
him could only be with Josie. He no longer questioned or doubted his feelings,
as he had in the beginning. Sam was sure now - sure of what he wanted.
For
the first time, Sam started thinking about a permanent commitment. 'If only she
was a little older,' he thought to himself. He wanted her to be as sure of her
feelings as he was and Sam knew at seventeen - even at eighteen, her feelings
were likely to change. But still, he knew somehow that Josie would always love
him - he really felt it now, especially after the way she'd handled Matt Riley.
If she hadn't cared for Sam so much, she might have responded to Matt's
advances merely out of spite, as Lara would have surely done. Even though she
had been angry with Sam, she hadn't tried to hurt him by flirting with Matt. 'Even
Matt knows she loves me' Sam thought happily. He knew his friend Matt wasn't
exactly known for his sensitivity, but even Matt could see how she felt about
his friend, with a little hint from Rob.
Sam
felt so connected to her, that he had come close to confessing everything to
her - closer than ever before, he realized. It had happened when they'd been
alone together in that wonderful apartment of hers. The knowledge that Rob and
Scott Romano were just outside was the only thing stopping him, he admitted to
himself. Now he was feeling such an urge to be with her again that he was glad
he was without a car for the evening because the temptation to drive back over
there was very strong.
To
be with her and spend more time with her was what he'd wished so fervently for
even when he'd been at dinner tonight with Matt and Scott. When his wish came
true, actually being with her was so much more thrilling then anything he had
imagined and now he could barely wait for the next time he'd see her at school.
As
much as he loved his job as a teacher, he knew that he'd never be happy without
Josie in his life. Sam also was aware of the fact that he had sent mixed
messages to her this very evening. While he had told her how wonderful he
thought she was, he knew she had seen the picture of him with Lara that he'd
forgotten to take out of his wallet. 'How could I be such an idiot?' he thought
disgustedly.
He
had taken all the pictures of Lara out of their frames in his apartment and
replaced them with pictures of Josie and the ones of himself with her and her
two little cousins. But Josie had no way of knowing that. He opened his wallet
now and removed the picture, which had been taken of him and Lara at Jonathan
and Joanna's wedding. Once again he realized how unhappy he had looked standing
there with Lara. 'God, what a fight that was,' he thought shaking his head at
the memory as he tossed the picture in the trash.
He
had been Jon's best man and Lara had deliberately dragged around getting ready
so they were late for the ceremony. She knew very well that Sam was a stickler
for being on time. He had been so embarrassed, although Jon and Joanna had been
understanding and gracious as always. The fact that they were so nice about
this had made him feel all the more furious at Lara.
In
many ways, Jon and Joanna's wedding day had been his first clear view of Lara's
selfish nature. Sam shook his head in disgust as he recalled how she'd acted
that day, a little over four years ago.
It
was certainly a vivid indication of Lara's overwhelming need to be the center
of attention…even at someone else's wedding. She hadn't cared at all that Sam
was to be a part of the ceremony. She was more concerned with making sure that
her own appearance was perfect, as she kept him waiting while she decided what
dress to wear, then what jewelry she'd wear with it. When Sam had finally lost
his temper and threatened to go without her, she'd thrown a tantrum and grabbed
his car keys so he couldn't leave.
When
they arrived at the church at last, some twenty minutes late, they weren't
speaking to each other. And at the reception, Lara had told Joanna that they
were late because of Sam. Joanna and Jonathan both knew better. They knew Sam
would never have been late for their wedding of his own accord. Joanna had bit
her tongue and listened to Lara's "version" of events, but she knew
the truth and so did Jonathan.
After
her harangue to Joanna about Sam's many faults, Lara had spent the rest of the
reception drinking excessively, flirting with an usher and ignoring Sam out of
spite. Sam grimaced at the memory of that day. 'Why did I even keep this
picture, much less carry it in my wallet?' he thought ruefully.
Suddenly
he knew the answer - it was because Lara had thrown another temper tantrum when
she'd looked through his wallet and seen that the only pictures he carried in
it were of his sister Abby and his niece Emma. He'd grabbed the first picture
he could find and slapped it in there, not even looking at it at the time. He'd
just been trying to appease her as usual and avoid another fight. As it was,
she'd lectured him for an hour about what a thoughtless, inconsiderate
boyfriend he was.
Thinking
back on Jonathan's wedding day, Sam was reminded again of how different Josie
was from Lara. Josie was sweet natured and kind hearted with everyone. He could
never imagine Josie doing anything so selfish and inconsiderate. Josie was
really the nicest, warmest, kindest person he'd ever known. She really had
every quality he'd ever dreamed of finding in a woman - in addition to the fact
that he found her overwhelmingly attractive and irresistible.
And
her photographs! Sam had stared at his precious pictures of Josie for hours on
end. They literally brought tears to his eyes when he remembered how beautiful
she'd looked ice-skating just that past Sunday. He'd never particularly liked
looking at pictures of Lara even though he knew she was considered to be a
beautiful woman.
Nothing
about Lara ignited his imagination the way just looking at Josie did. He'd had
pictures of Lara around his apartment for the past two years and barely glanced
at them even when the two of them were apart for weeks. He'd stared rapturously
at the pictures of Josie more on the first night he'd had them - more than he'd
ever looked at all the pictures of Lara put together.
He
smiled thinking about all that had happened that day with Josie - how she'd
forgiven him as soon as she'd understood that his actions were motivated by
jealousy over her as a woman. He'd made himself so vulnerable to her in that
instant when he'd confessed it to her and she'd agreed to forgive him so
quickly and so sweetly. She hadn't tried to torture him for hours, as Lara most
certainly would have.
At
that moment his thoughts were interrupted by his ringing telephone.
"Hello,"
he said quietly.
"Hey,
I heard you need a car!" Sam smiled as he instantly recognized Jonathan's
friendly voice.
"Oh,
hi Jon! I though you'd be getting ready for your trip," Sam said with a
smile. He was always happy to hear from his best friend.
"Yeah,
we're all packed. Scott called me - he said you had to be towed. You want to
borrow my Toyota?" Jon offered.
"That'd
be great, but you guys are going to Maryland tomorrow. I don't want to trouble
you. I can manage." Sam was grateful that he had such a caring network of
friends and he didn't want to inconvenience them.
"No,
Sam, it's no trouble. I already told Scott to bring you by in the morning and
you can pick it up on your way in to school. I'll put the key under the side
mat if we're gone by the time you get here. We always plan to leave early and
end up lucky to get away by noon," Jonathan laughed. "You know
women!" he teased, and then yelped, "Ouch!" as Joanna swatted
him.
Sam
laughed too. He knew that Joanna was more concerned with being punctual than
even he or Jonathan were. "Thanks a lot, Jon. I really appreciate
that," he said earnestly.
"I'm
happy to do it Sam…especially after all the rides you've given me. Scott also
spent like twenty minutes raving about how wonderful Josie is - he said she
tried to give your car a jump start or something like that, right?"
"Yeah,
Jon, she was really nice. We played that softball game earlier today, did he
tell you about that too?"
"Yup.
He said she was the best catcher he's ever seen and she made the play that won
the game and you knocked her out cold. He told me everything about what she
wore, how she played and how she looked dancing on the field after the game.
Then he told me what she was wearing then - a blue dress with a white sweater,
if I'm not mistaken. Right, Sam?"
"Oh
yeah, absolutely!" Sam said as he pictured her in that dress yet again.
"And
he thought she was really nice to help you guys with the car too. I almost
forgot who I was talking to - for a minute I thought Scott was going to tell me
he was in love with her as well, but then he was bragging about that guy named
Rob and how fantastic he is too so I didn't get too worried. I think he
actually went on a little more about Rob then he did about her."
Sam
smiled. "Yeah, they were quite a pair to watch, Jon."
"So
I hear. Tuesday night Joanna was going on and on about Josie and Rob - I was
almost ready to be a little jealous of Rob the way she was describing him. If I
hear how cute and adorable Rob is one more time, I'm coming after him,
Sam."
Sam
laughed then. "They're both really nice, Jon. You know how I feel about
Josie and Rob's a really nice guy…funny, too. I think you'd like him."
"Oh,
yeah? So now that you're moving in when is she coming over so I can meet her? I
draw the line at Rob though…he's not invited," Jonathan teased Joanna, who
made a face at him.
"She's
still my student, remember that, Jon?" Sam sighed, wishing it were not the
case.
"I
know. I'm kidding, but it seems like you're spending all your time with her
already anyway. Oh, and Scott told me that she blew Matt off when he asked her
out. Sounds like a smart woman," Jonathan praised.
"Yeah,
she's wonderful," Sam sighed again. "After the game Matt sort of told
me he knows about my feelings for her and hers for me - and I admitted it to
him. It actually felt good to say it, Jon."
"Well,
Joanna keeps telling me I'm wrong to tell you to wait until she's not your
student to tell her how you feel. I still feel a little nervous about it, but I
don't know why really - just a feeling."
"I
almost told her tonight," Sam said, "when I was in her
apartment."
"What!?
Were you two alone together there!?" Jonathan asked, clearly
surprised. "I thought Scott was with you from the way he talked."
"Yes,
we were alone when I went up to call the auto club for the tow. We were talking
and I almost told her everything, but the phone rang and interrupted us. I
almost wish I had told her because…well, because I took my wallet out and put
it on the bar and she saw it open to a picture of me and Lara I forgot to take
out," Sam explained.
"Uh
oh. That doesn't sound good, Sam."
"I
know. Tell me about it. I forgot it was in there."
"Hey,
I have an idea. Why don't you gather up all your old pictures of Lara and we'll
have a party here and you can burn them once and for all. We can burn her in
effigy, wouldn't that be great? I'd be happy to help with that, Sam. Just say
the word."
"I
think I'm just going to throw them out between now and when I move in,"
Sam said seriously.
"Good
because I don't want to see them displayed here Sam. They might scare me. I'm
very sensitive you know."
"I'll
only bring pictures of Josie, okay?"
"Sounds
good to me - as long as they aren't of her with that Rob character. Hey, so I
guess you still want the Orioles tickets and the Beanie Baby, right?"
"Yes,
please," Sam said smiling.
"When
are you giving her the engagement ring?" Jonathan joked.
He
waited for Sam to laugh, but he didn't laugh or say anything. "Sam? You
still there? Kidding, okay?"
"I
know Jon, but I'm really thinking about that now, you know? If only she was a
little older and in college. Because I think I'm ready for that - it's what I
really want." Sam closed his eyes and continued. "I love her so much
more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I know that she's the one I want
to marry." He said it quietly and seriously.
Jonathan
sat in shocked silence for a moment while he absorbed what his best friend had
just said. This was the same Sam who had refused to commit to that pit bull,
Lara, for five years. Jon knew that Lara had pushed for marriage, especially
lately and he knew that Sam had dug in his heels, refusing to make the move to
New York that would result in such a commitment.
Sam
had even originated the suggestion that he move in for the summer to help them
with the deck - he'd begged Jonathan really to help him buy a little time to
figure out what he wanted. Jonathan had wondered at the time why he didn't just
dump Lara, but he hadn't said anything, reasoning that Sam needed to sort
things out on his own. Now that Lara was a thing of the past, Jon was stunned
to hear his friend moving towards such a serious step as matrimony this
quickly.
"Sam,
I know you love her, but I was kidding about the marriage part. You haven't
even been out on a date yet. How can you be so sure this is something that
serious?"
"I'm
sure because of how I feel, Jon. I've spent as much time with her these past
few weeks, as I would have if we were dating - probably more actually. When I'm
away from her I feel so…lost somehow. I really know what I want now. I want to
spend my life with Josie, if she'll have me."
'Wow,'
Jonathan thought to himself. This Josie must really be something. Calm, quiet,
levelheaded Sam was crazy in love with her and Joanna and Scott both went on
and on about the girl. And she'd had the good sense to turn Matt down. "Do
me a favor, Sam."
"What's
that?" Sam asked patiently.
"At
least date her a month before you propose, okay? For me? For my peace of mind,
okay? To make sure it's not some kind of rebound from Lara. Ow! Joanna just hit
me!" Jonathan exclaimed rubbing his arm.
Sam
smiled, knowing that his friend was looking out for his best interests.
"Okay,
Jon. I'll be so happy when that happens - when I can date her. It's not a
rebound from anything - you'll see that when you meet her. Maybe she'll even
help us build the deck this summer. I know she likes to paint. She painted her
apartment and it looks wonderful," he said enthusiastically. "She's
so amazing," he added and Jonathan could just picture the lovesick moony
expression on his best friend's face.
It
felt so good to Sam to think about a relationship with someone who might
actually enjoy helping him on such a project. Sam knew that Lara wouldn't be
caught dead doing such a thing.
Jonathan
heard the happiness in Sam's voice as he contemplated his future with Josie and
he relaxed. "That would be great and you know you can have her over
anytime you want, Sam. Joanna's already crazy about her too. I'm sure I'll like
her just as much as Jo does. Jo's already hinting to me about inviting her
over." He really wanted to meet this girl who'd set Sam on his ear and
made him sound so happy all the time.
"Thanks,
Jon." Sam smiled to himself. It felt so good to finally be on the verge of
being involved with someone his friends liked. He knew that they all cared
about him and that was the main reason they had disliked Lara. He'd felt all
the tension of being caught in the middle between them over the years, although
Jonathan had never tried to put him in the middle as Lara continually did. Sam
knew he wouldn't care even if his friends didn't like Josie, but it still made
his life a lot easier especially since he was moving into Jonathan and Joanna's
house the following week.
"So,
are you ready for the Prom, Sam?"
"Yes.
Pretty much all set. We'll put the finishing touches on the Country Club
Saturday."
"So
are you going alone?" Jonathan asked. He was still a little concerned
about how Sam would handle seeing Josie there with her date.
"Yup.
I'll be alone. I have to make the announcements - prom court and all, so after
that's over my work on the Prom is finished," Sam said quietly. He wasn't
looking forward to seeing Guy Perkins and Josie together. In fact, he was
dreading it.
"At
least you can ask Josie to dance - that'll be good," Jon suggested, trying
to be helpful, since he noticed that Sam sounded down again.
"Oh,
I don't know, Jon. Do you think that would be appropriate?' Sam hadn't
considered the idea and now he was excited that Jonathan had suggested
it."
"Sure!
Remember our Prom? Several of the teachers danced with the students. You and
Josie are friends now. I don't see anything wrong with it - I'll bet she'd be
disappointed if you don't ask her. She helped you set up for the Prom didn't
she? And you are friends now, right?"
"Yes
we are. Tonight she actually said that I'm her dearest friend," Sam said
proudly. "And now that you mention it, I do remember teachers dancing with
students. I mean I've never done it before - I never wanted to do it. Wow!
That's great, Jon! Thanks for the suggestion and thanks for the car and
everything else too." Jon noticed Sam sounded so happy and excited just at
the thought of dancing with Josie.
"You're
very welcome, Sam. See you Tuesday, if not tomorrow."
"Okay.
Have a great trip, Jon! Bye."
"Bye
Sam."
Sam
hung up the telephone smiling to himself, already dreaming of holding Josie in
his arms, if only to dance with her. He knew she was going as Rosalind. He also
knew she would be unbelievably beautiful no matter what she wore. 'How will I
ever dance with her and not tell her I love her?' he wondered. "I'll
handle it when the time comes," he said out loud.
He
pictured her then with her rolled up jeans and sweatshirt and that adorable
grease stain on her face. She had never looked lovelier to him. He realized she
affected him more every time he saw her and she really was a part of him now.
Then
he closed his eyes, thinking about his dream of the night before - the dream
they'd shared. Sam knew one thing for certain - even though he was more
sexually experienced than Josie, he'd never had an encounter in real life that
even came close to what he'd felt in that exquisite dream-like experience
they'd shared.
Sam
trembled with pleasure just thinking about how it had felt when she'd caressed
him and touched his chin. He lightly rubbed it now himself, trying the
recapture the exquisite sensation of her gentle touch.
And
he knew now that as unbelievable as it was, he'd felt even more excitement when
he'd touched Josie's arm that morning then he had felt even in that incredible
dream. He already knew what it felt like when she'd quickly embraced him and
kissed his cheek. After all, he'd even held her in his arms when they were
caught in the wind two days before this.
"With
every touch, she becomes more a part of me," he said out loud. "We're
so connected now." Sam closed his eyes again as he ran his fingers through
his hair, thinking about how he'd felt when she'd done that the day they'd
painted the Prom backdrop together. He smiled as he pictured her at home inside
of that cozy apartment, cuddled up in her bed with his surrogate, Sam the
Penguin.
"Please
know how much I love you, Josie," he said out loud.
To
be continued…