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* * *
It was a sunny Monday morning before the Prom. As she strode confidently to her locker, Josie felt secure in the knowledge that she was a part of and even admired now by the popular crowd, thanks to the efforts of her brother Rob. They actually looked up to her, she realized, as she was repeatedly asked her opinion about decorations and costumes. And she was the Prom date of the most popular boy in the school.
Best of all Josie was beginning to outline her story. She was starting to discover that it would have to be a personal story rather than an expose - a story of her own growth as a woman, acceptance of herself as a worthwhile human being and her realization that being popular wasn't as important to her as some of the things she was risking, like real friendship and possibly even true love.
She was having misgivings about the true love aspect in light of Sam's reaction, or rather his failure to react at all to her quick embrace the night before. She had actually noticed that he tensed up after she spontaneously hugged and kissed him and he definitely looked uncomfortable afterwards. She had the sinking feeling that she had overestimated Sam's feelings towards her and worse yet, that she had overstepped her boundaries with him.
Even so, one of Josie's biggest regrets was the necessity of lying to Sam, because she knew she cared about him regardless of how he felt about her. She realized that she had never met anyone quite as kindhearted as Sam Coulson. They shared so many interests and she knew that they laughed at and enjoyed the same things � she saw that more and more every moment they spent together.
Besides having to live a lie, another regret was her virtual abandonment of Aldys, which had been necessary in order to be accepted by the popular crowd. Since Aldys had been the first person at South Glen South to befriend her, she felt more than a little guilt about turning her back on a person she liked so much.
So when she saw a chance to set things right with Aldys, she seized it. As usual, it was Aldys who initiated their contact by approaching her at her locker.
"Hi Josie, can I talk to you for a second?" Aldys asked tentatively, knowing now that Josie was popular, she may not even speak to her�especially after how she and the other Denominators had snubbed her.
"Sure," Josie smiled at her encouragingly.
"I want to, well, um, apologize for calling you a lemming� You know, when we saw you at the mall Saturday. I didn't mean it. I - I was just jealous. I'm really sorry," she said sincerely.
"That's okay, Aldys." Josie giggled a little and rolled her eyes. "We did look pretty stupid in those matching sweaters." She leaned in to whisper to her, "To tell you the truth, I would have much rather been with you and David than them." Josie transferred her grapefruit shoulder bag to the side where her wings pin was, making sure to create lots of static for whoever might be listening and whispered, "I'm going to ask you to trust me. There's a reason for everything that I'll tell you when the time is right. Just trust me that I am your friend. I haven't forgotten that you were my first real friend here, and I am well aware that those three are only nice to me because of Rob. Are we okay, Aldys?"
Aldys was puzzled but touched by what Josie had said. She nodded. "Of course, we're okay, Josie. I trust you." Then they smiled at each other and hugged. Josie felt better just from confiding in Aldys that much. She was starting to consider doing something similar with Sam, especially after the day that they'd spent together Sunday with her two little cousins. She felt that no matter what the consequences, she owed him the truth. She just didn't quite know how to go about telling him. Then there was the fact that he hadn't responded at all when she'd embraced him. That had certainly given her pause for thought. She felt that she needed to find a way to tell him without letting him know her feelings, more as a friend than anything else, she thought regretfully.
She turned to Aldys and asked, "Do you think we could sit together again at lunch?"
"Sure, Josie. If you want to." Aldys was beaming at her now.
"I want to! I want to!" Josie grinned back.
Josie felt confident enough now as a leader in the school to pick who she wanted to sit with; and she was sick to death of Gibby, Kirsten and Kristen and their inane chatter. She figured she'd see enough of them at the Prom. And other than being pretty and popular she really didn't see how they added much to her story at this point, since it was a story about her own personal growth and acceptance of who she was. The only area now where she lacked confidence was with Sam, she realized wistfully.
* * *
At lunch when Josie walked through the line in the cafeteria with her tray, she turned to go sit with Aldys. Gibby saw her and yelled, "Hey, Josie! We're over here!" Gibby was sitting with Kirsten, Kristen and Tommy.
Josie stopped at their table and said firmly, "Thanks guys, but I have to talk to Aldys about something we're doing for Mr. Coulson for the Prom. Sorry." And with that she headed straight for Aldys and David. After all, what she told them was not strictly a lie. She remembered that Sam had said something the previous week about needing help with the Prom music and so she thought she'd talk Aldys and David into volunteering with her.
Her situation in the school had changed so drastically that Josie was actually able to choose her real friends over the popular crowd and she felt good about it. It made her feel strong and in control of her life - for the first time really. She had fun sitting with Aldys and David and she was glad to see that they were enthusiastic about helping Sam with the Prom music.
* * *
It was sixth period and Sam was somewhat nervous about seeing Josie after his heated conversation with Lara. And then there was his idiotic reaction (or non-reaction, really�) to her hug and kiss to consider, he thought ruefully.
Josie was one of the first students to enter Sam's classroom; he was standing by the door writing a reading assignment on the board when she came in. He turned and they smiled at each other and Josie set her books down and walked up to him. He noticed she was wearing a pretty navy blue dress with a v-neck white collar that somehow made her eyes look even bluer than they usually did. And he noticed that she filled out her dress very nicely, and that she had stockings and heels on that accentuated her beautiful legs even more than usual. He hoped she couldn't read his mind because he was imagining what it would be like to hold her and kiss her. He closed his eyes to try and get a grip but when she was right next to him it wasn't easy� And then there was that scent she was wearing, he thought helplessly.
"Hi," she said shyly.
"Hi, Josie." They looked at each other for a moment. He noticed to his relief that she didn't seem upset with him, just tentative. He assumed that Lara hadn't contacted her, at least not yet.
"Do you still want help with selecting the Prom music?" she asked, looking into his deep green eyes.
"Yeah, Josie, that would be great." He was happy to see she still wanted to spend time with him.
"I asked Aldys and David and they can help too if you want. Just let us know when, okay?"
"Thanks Josie. How about tomorrow? After sixth period or after school, whichever?" He was excited about being with her even knowing they wouldn't be alone.
"Okay, it will probably be just me for seventh period, then they can join us after school�if that's all right? And I'll let them know then�."
Sam smiled at her. "That's fine, Josie. Thanks for offering and for asking them for me. And one other thing, um�I need to see you and Aldys after class today about something else." He noticed that Josie looked startled and a little nervous. "Nothing, bad though, I promise," he tried to reassure her.
They smiled at each other and he thought about what Jonathan had said to him the night before. He did feel better just being with Josie. And she looked so beautiful and so� well� sexy and sophisticated in that dress. If he didn't know better he'd think she was his own age the way she looked today - almost like she was dressed for the office rather than for school.
Sam was also glad to see that Josie and Aldys were back on good terms. He had noticed a rift between the two for some time. Sam liked Aldys and felt that she was a much better friend for Josie than any of that popular trio. Sam doubted whether Gibby, Kirsten or Kristen ever had an original thought between the three of them and he could see that they got a lot of enjoyment out of being mean to others. He figured they'd grow out of it eventually but were nowhere near Josie on any level - she so far outclassed them, he thought with a sigh. At least Aldys shared a lot of Josie's many qualities - intellectual curiosity, kindness, and a good sense of humor, and a beauty all her own.
As soon as Aldys walked in his classroom, Sam told her about wanting to see her and Josie privately after class. Then he noticed the two exchanging worried glances. After class they stayed behind. Sam carried a chair over to sit in front of them.
He cleared his throat and started, "I don't know if you two are aware of this, but every year I pick one or two seniors who have done outstanding class work and extra credit assignments. The quality of your work is so far beyond what I've ever seen before - this applies to both of you. And the volume of work that you have done�" Sam looked at Aldys, almost for confirmation, and said, "Josie is just amazing � she's written more for me than any student I've ever taught, and she's only been here since March!"
He noticed Josie was blushing now and she still looked nervous, like she was afraid of what he was going to say. "So, anyway, I choose up to two seniors that have done consistently 'A' work, and give them a reprieve. You both have more than earned an 'A' in my class now. So, as a small reward, you won't need to take the final exam or do any more papers for me. You can use the class time for other studying you need to do�or you can still come to class if you want."
He saw Josie flinch when he said she didn't need to attend his class anymore and wondered if he'd made a mistake. Aldys looked excited and pleased, but Josie looked unhappy and sad�almost hurt.
Josie and Aldys looked at each other and then they both said, "Thank you." But Sam could see that Josie was on the verge of tears. He decided to make an attempt to help. "I really hope you both will still come to class, because I like having you there, but if you decide not to, I understand."
Now Aldys spoke up. "Thank you, Mr. Coulson. That's really nice." She looked at Josie worriedly. Aldys could tell that Josie was upset.
"Yes, thank you," Josie murmured. She was looking at the floor and definitely avoiding Sam's eyes now. She was wondering if Gus had heard all this because if he had, she knew he would insist that she work on her story during Sam's class. She was afraid that she had attended her last class with Sam. And another, more painful thought occurred to her. Even though she knew her grades probably merited it, she couldn't help but feel that Sam might be trying to distance himself from her too.
Sam felt terrible about Josie's reaction but felt helpless to do anything about it. Finally he simply said, "Okay, well, whatever you both decide about coming to class, I'll see you tomorrow to work on the Prom music, then . . . and I really appreciate the help."
He could see that Josie was actually biting her lower lip to keep from crying now. He wanted more than anything to take her in his arms and comfort and reassure her, but he knew that was out of the question.
"Thanks again, Mr. Coulson," Aldys said. "We'll see you tomorrow."
"Yes, thank you," Josie said quietly. She couldn't meet Sam's gaze. She knew she'd burst into tears if she did. She took a deep breath and picked up her books and walked out. Aldys followed behind her, looking worried. They both stopped at Aldys' locker.
"Josie, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I just, I just, um, have enjoyed that class so much and the writing I've done has really helped me. Mr. Coulson has helped me so much and now it's over. I�I guess I just feel sad, that's all." She figured that was as honest as she could be with Aldys. "Nobody has ever helped me or encouraged me as much before," she said truthfully as she brushed away a tear.
"Josie, I'll bet if you asked him, he would still like to see your writing� He seems really supportive about that. He's been that way with me all year and I think he was just trying to reward us. He looked really worried about your reaction just now," Aldys said earnestly.
"Thanks," Josie murmured, but she did not feel reassured. But Josie's insecure nature was telling her something else: that Sam was trying to step back from their friendship, and that this was a rejection of her as a person more than anything else.
"I've got to go, Aldys. I'm glad we're still friends. I'll see you tomorrow." Then Josie hugged her for a moment and left for what she knew would be a tough afternoon meeting with Gus. Unlike Sam, she realized, Aldys hugged her back.
Aldys stood by her locker staring after Josie. Just then Sam came around the corner, looking eagerly towards Josie's locker.
"Aldys, is Josie still here?" he asked hopefully.
"No, she said she had something to do and she'd see me tomorrow," Aldys replied.
Sam hesitated, "Do you know why she's so upset? Do you have any idea? I was only trying to reward her for a job well done, you know?"
Aldys decided to be frank with Mr. Coulson. He seemed so concerned about Josie and she was concerned herself. "Well, I think that she took it the wrong way somehow. She said that you've helped her so much with her writing and she's going to miss writing for you because no one ever helped her as much as you do. And she seemed like she was kind of lost, like she took it as . . . as a sudden end to something she counted on. That was how she acted. I think that Josie is very sensitive, Mr. Coulson, and I know you didn't mean it that way, but I think Josie took it as some kind of �well, some kind of rejection."
"Thanks for telling me that, Aldys. I�I certainly didn't mean for her to take it that way," Sam sighed.
"I know you didn't, but that's what I think and I tried to tell her that you would probably still like to read her writing, but I think it would mean more coming from you, Mr. Coulson�if that's the way you feel, that is."
"It most definitely is� Thanks, Aldys," Sam said gratefully.
"No problem, Mr. Coulson. See you tomorrow."
He felt like kicking himself for upsetting Josie. He wished he could tell her the truth: that he wanted to be there to read her writing for the rest of her life, but he knew for now he'd have to find a way to temporarily reassure her.
* * *
Three hours later Josie was leaving the Sun Times office somewhat relieved after her meeting with Gus�relieved and puzzled. Gus told her it was totally up to her whether or not she would attend Sam's class. He was almost too agreeable, she thought to herself.
She wondered briefly if he had picked up on her attraction to Sam, but he didn't mention it, so she decided she must have been imagining things. Still, Gus had been eerily pleasant and that was unnerving. He'd even told her she looked nice. She shuddered just thinking about that one. Gus was definitely not himself. As Josie was thinking about her meeting, she ran into Anita on her way out of the elevator.
"Josie, my God, you look beautiful! That dress! And your hair! Did you wear that to school today? I didn't get to see your tape. Let's go in the coffee shop, okay?" Anita was breathless as usual.
"Okay, and yes Anita, I wore this to school, but you didn't miss anything on the tape." Josie said it sadly as she sat at a clean table.
"Hey, take that thing out, would you?" Anita asked, pointing at Josie's transmitter. "I don't need to broadcast to Gus that I'm 'slacking off', okay?"
Josie nodded and pulled her wings pin off, undid the wires and shoved the contraption into her purse.
Anita went to get a soda and sat down. "So nothing happened on the tape today� What, was Sam absent or something?"
"No, but we were wrong Anita�He just isn't interested in me that way. He even told me that I don't have to come to his class anymore. That says how much he likes me, doesn't it?"
"Josie," she said, highly skeptical of Josie's assessment, "what do you mean? What did he say? Exactly�"
"He said Aldys and I have an "A" for the semester and we don't need to come to his class or do anymore work for him if we don't want to, so that's that." Josie said firmly.
"What? Did he actually say 'Don't come, Josie'? How did he put it? Geez, Josie; it's like pulling teeth getting anything out of you!"
Josie sighed. "He said he'd like us to come, but we don't have to if we have other things to do. I was sure that Gus would force me to write my story during the class time, but Gus doesn't care."
Anita raised her eyebrows at that.
"Anyway, it doesn't matter, Anita. We were wrong. I�um�sort of hugged him and kissed his cheek last night after skating and he didn't respond at all. He acted like it made him uncomfortable. I think he's trying to let me know indirectly that he's not interested."
"I don't believe that, Josie, not after what I saw. No way!"
"Anita, maybe he was attracted to me, but he has a girlfriend and he probably thought about it and decided it would be a mistake. I think he's changed his mind and he's probably better off. Even if I tell him I'm 25, I'm not exactly in the same league with him, you know?"
"Josie, I think you're wrong. That guy is in love with you and he's probably thinking here he tried to do something nice and you freaked out."
"No, Anita, this is something he does every year and he's doing it for Aldys too, not just for me."
"Okay, Josie, but if that's your argument, you can't come back and say he's pushing you away if it's something he does every year. Plus, did you let him know you didn't like it?"
"Yes, I was pretty transparent, I'm afraid," Josie said, disgusted with herself.
"I'll bet you anything�" Anita started.
"I'm not betting you anymore, Anita; I can't afford it!" Josie smiled a little at her.
"As I was saying� I'll bet you he finds a way to tell you that you're taking this wrong, Josie. Poor Sam, he's probably feeling terrible right now because he upset you, " Anita said it confidently.
"Oh Anita, I think we both have to face the facts: he has more important things to think about than me," Josie sighed.
"Not from what I saw," Anita said firmly.
"So why didn't he hug me back then?" Josie asked sadly.
"Maybe you shocked him and he didn't have time to react, or maybe� maybe he knew he couldn't control himself. There's all kinds of other explanations, Josie. Knowing you, you didn't exactly linger there for him to react. You're more of a 'hug and run' type, right? Isn't that what happened?" Anita seemed pretty sure now that she was right.
"Maybe," Josie admitted, "but we'd had such a nice day together, and I cried in the movie and he put his arm around me and �"
Anita's eyes bugged out of her head. "Hold on, hold on� What!? Are you nuts, Josie? You're all upset about a one second hug he didn't return, but yet, he did that? That was something he obviously thought about and still did. That means much more than some split second reaction� Where is your brain? He put his arm around you? How many teachers would go to a movie with their student, much less put their arm around them?"
"My cousin, Georgia�she's six�grabbed his leg and cried until he was kind of forced into going and spending the day with us�"
"Oh yeah� Like he can't say no." Anita rolled her eyes at her friend's apparent density. "He's a grown man, Josie! If he didn't want to be with you, he could have said, 'No, I have something else to do,' and walked away and let you deal with the crying. You know that, don't you? The fact that he was there in the first place is highly suspicious to me� but let's just say it was an accident that he was there. He spent the entire day with you, went to a movie with you, and put his arm around you. How much more could he do�get a tattoo that says, 'I love Josie'? Now that you give me the entire picture of the day, I'm more convinced than ever that he is attracted to you. I don't know what you would do without me and that delectable brother of yours to set you straight. Honestly, Josie!"
"I'm still not sure though Anita and I think from here on out I'm going to focus on my story," Josie said quietly.
"Suit yourself, but when Sam sees you next time, he's going to be doing some major backpedaling on his 'Don't come to class' theme� Wait 'til you see him and tell me I'm wrong. Well, I've got to go before Gus notices I'm not there and has a fit." They both stood up and walked to the door.
"'Bye Anita, and thanks for trying to help." Josie was still not convinced. She was going to have to see something more obvious before she'd allow her hopes to be raised again.
"Let me know what Sam does to make it up to you� Call me, okay?"
"You'll see it on tape, but I'll call you if anything remotely like that happens, Anita."
Josie still had the sinking feeling that Sam was pushing her away�maybe because she'd gone too far by hugging and kissing him the way she had. He certainly didn't reciprocate, she thought sadly.
As Josie was driving home from the office, she realized she'd forgotten one of her school books that she would need to complete her homework for that evening. She decided to stop by South Glen South and run in to her locker. It was after six by the time she got back to the school. She thought she'd just run in to her locker and run out.
Sam had been looking out the window when she drove up and he recognized her car. He saw her walk into the school and was once again stunned by how just looking at her affected him. He noticed that she was still dressed up and he wondered where she'd been for the intervening three plus hours, suddenly realizing that he was a little jealous about where she'd been and with whom. He knew it was irrational, but he was jealous, he admitted to himself.
He figured she had forgotten something and was going to her locker, because she looked like she was hurrying. He debated whether to walk to her locker, but he didn't know quite what he could say to make her feel better. He decided that he had to try.
She was opening her locker when he walked up. "Josie, can I, um talk to you for a second?" She still wouldn't make eye contact with him, he noticed. She did turn towards him, but she didn't say anything.
"I was thinking�and I was wondering if I could persuade you� I mean, if you would like to�maybe�think up topics for my students to write about next year? You know, help me come up with some fresh ideas for people to write essays about? If you want to still come to class, that is� And maybe you could kind of help me by evaluating the assignments I give from here on out�" He knew he was rambling, but he couldn't tell from her expression whether he was helping her or not, "like sort of�um�assist me. Like a student assistant� Do you think you might enjoy that? That way you could still write for me�give me your opinions on things�if you want to�maybe?"
He was relieved to see that she was finally looking him in the eye. She was smiling a little now he noticed, but she was still hesitating.
"Okay, that would be all right with me, if you really think it would be helpful to you�" She said it tentatively. He was trying to make her feel better, she realized, thinking how sweet and kind he was to care about her feelings.
"Oh yes, Josie that would be great . . . and I, well I have to admit that I, well, I will really miss reading your work, so this way we can still, um well, I can still read what you write. I really enjoy that and look forward to it so it's something that's important to me. Don't feel obligated or anything, but it would mean a lot to me," he swallowed, "personally I mean �" He closed his eyes, hoping she hadn't noticed how much his voice was shaking.
"It means a lot to me, too. Thank you," she said quietly and closed her locker door. He still noticed a reluctance and he wondered what might have caused it. "Well, I really have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow."
He thought of offering to walk her to her car, but something about her attitude told him not to. "Okay, Josie," he said softly. "Drive carefully."
"I will. Bye, Mr. Coulson."
As she walked away, he stood in the hallway staring after her with an anguished expression on his face, debating whether or not to run after her and tell her everything�but he knew he couldn't.
For her part, Josie decided that, for the time being at least, she needed to keep a certain emotional distance between herself and Sam until she could figure out what to do. She knew that would be difficult, especially when she was alone with him, as she had been by her locker. She had been so tempted to tell him everything. He seemed so sincere and he had gone out of his way to help. She attributed that to the fact that he was a wonderful person who would never deliberately hurt anyone.
She was sure of that much about him; it was part of the reason she was hopelessly in love with him. She did have to admit, though, that she'd never met a sweeter man than Sam Coulson. She knew she would have to call Anita when she got back to her apartment and acknowledge that her friend had been right at least about him trying to make her feel better. She was afraid to hope for anything more than that.