Sam's Awakening, Part 11:
Breathe
By Carol

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Click here to hear "Breathe" by Faith Hill

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It was a blustery Tuesday afternoon the week before the Prom. The wind was unusually strong, even for Chicago. Sam had spent the previous night and that morning nervously anticipating the next time he would see Josie in class. He was worried about her subdued reaction to his plan for her to continue writing for him and observing his class. He still felt that something was bothering her and causing her to retreat into her shell. He was hoping to talk to her alone and find a way to make her relax with him again. He knew they would be together during seventh period selecting the Prom music and thought that might be the perfect time.

Sam was becoming more and more aware of just how much his happiness depended on her well-being. He slowly had come to realize that his world revolved around Josie Geller.

Sam was happy and relieved to see that Josie did attend his sixth period class. He swallowed when he saw her in the doorway. He didn't quite understand how anyone already so perfect could look more breathtakingly beautiful every day. He noticed that she was wearing a gold chiffon blouse and brown pants that fit her perfectly. He tried not to stare at her body, but it was a definite struggle. And her hair was almost straight, he observed - a little different from the day before - parted in a different place, but soft and beautiful, framing her face.

Aldys walked in just behind Josie and Sam was pleased to see her there, too. The fact that they both enjoyed his class enough to attend when they weren't required to meant a great deal to him as a teacher.

But Josie was still looking at him with that detached, wistful expression on her face, he realized. He found himself wishing he could go back in time to the day he spent with her and her little cousins. He couldn't believe that had been only 48 hours ago. Sam had never seen Josie smile and relax as much as she had that day. And he wished so desperately that he could have responded to her affectionate embrace that evening, instead of acting like a scared rabbit. He knew that he might not have been able to control himself, but he found himself wondering whether losing control would really be worse then all the worrying he had done because he didn't react at all. Sam had decided that if Josie made any other attempt to reach out, he would take his chances and let her know as much as he could about his feelings.

And then there was the fact that two days after breaking up with Lara, Sam had no regrets in that regard. He was pleasantly surprised to realize that he actually felt good about it, like he'd really accomplished something positive for his future. He wasn't worried or anxious about separating from Lara. All of his concerns were concentrated on the beautiful blonde seated in the front row of his classroom.

As the sixth period class ended, Josie walked up to his desk. He smiled at her and she smiled back, tentatively.

"Hi, Josie. I have a couple of boxes of CDs here beside my desk if you want to start looking through these, and I have a couple of more boxes of CDs and albums I need to go get� I figured you could start picking things out and then Aldys and David can help organize the music as to what gets played in what order, okay?" He looked at her questioningly.

"Yes, that sounds fine." She said it softly, he noticed.

Sam lifted the two boxes onto his desk and Josie started looking through one, putting the CDs she selected to one side. She worked rapidly and had already picked out quite a few CDs by the time he came back into the room with the boxes. She pointed to where she put the ones she'd chosen and said, "These are the ones I thought would be okay, do you want to look at them?"

"Sure," Sam started looking through the CDs. "These look fine, Josie. Do you want to let Aldys and David select the songs?" He could see that at the rate she was going they'd be through the CDs and the albums in a short period of time.

"I think that would be a good idea; that way they have input on it too," she looked at him and smiled.

Sam was happy to see her relax a little. He could see that she still enjoyed helping him. He was thinking to himself that maybe there was another way that she could help him, but he wasn't sure he would have the nerve to talk to her about it. He took a deep breath. "Josie, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she looked at him politely.

"I know we said you'd give me some ideas on topics for the class to write about next year, but I�um�was wondering if you could also give me some suggestions on how to improve my, well . . . my teaching style. You know, how I might improve on it from a student's perspective?" He looked at her anxiously.

Josie felt her heart melting. He looked so vulnerable and so sincere. She thought to herself, 'Could Sam Coulson really be that unsure of himself?'

She decided to speak truthfully from her heart. "I think you are a wonderful teacher. I've never had a class that I enjoyed more than yours. You obviously love to teach and it comes through to your students. I've never seen anyone bring Shakespeare to life more than you have."

Sam blushed and looked at his feet. "Thanks, Josie. Sometimes I feel like I'm not reaching my students at all. This is only my second year of teaching� It's different with you and Aldys, but with most of them I feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall, you know?"

She nodded sympathetically. She had felt the same way with these kids. "I know, but I do think you get through to more of them then you think. You use examples and analogies from everyday life that we can all relate to and understand. Your story about your Gordie Howe helmet, for instance� I'll bet we'll always remember that story and relate it to As You Like It being a play about disguise. I know that I won't ever forget it. When you told that story, I felt like I was there watching you play peewee hockey as you found confidence in yourself. I think it's wonderful the way you related your own experience to what we were studying."

Sam was looking right at her now. Her opinion of him meant everything to him, he realized as she continued.

"You have a way of describing things so that the listener or student feels like they're right there with you sharing the experience. When you told me about visiting Baltimore and going to Camden Yards, I felt like I was right there with you seeing the game and seeing The Inner Harbor at night. You made me want to go there and see it�and that was something I never really thought of before. I think that is what a great teacher does: opens up ideas and places for their students to explore. You know that I already loved Shakespeare, but Aldys has said she never knew she liked it so much before your class."

"Really, Josie?" he asked shyly.

"Absolutely!" She nodded vigorously. She couldn't believe that he would have any doubts, not someone as wonderful and talented as Sam Coulson. "And you've helped me develop confidence in my writing� I always wanted to do it, but was afraid�but look how much I've written for you and that was because you encouraged me. You are a great teacher! It's such a difficult job I know, but you truly have a gift for it."

He could tell that she genuinely believed in him. She was animated now, not holding back; telling him how she really felt about him as a teacher. He realized that this was as adamant as he'd ever seen her and she was actually talking about him.

"Thank you, Josie. I can't tell you how much that means to me�to hear you say that." Sam was completely thrilled to hear that Josie felt this way about him and his profession. He realized it was a far cry from the condescending attitude Lara displayed towards his job. Josie actually felt that he was doing something important and she had said he had a gift for it�even that he was great at it, he thought happily.

Josie smiled at him and continued to look through the rest of the CDs. She picked one she wasn't too sure of and showed it to him. Sam made a face at her. She looked surprised and giggled a little, putting it in the discards. She showed him the next one and he wrinkled his nose. She laughed out loud in spite of herself and slowly picked up another one to show him, making a face of her own, crossing her eyes. This time Sam said, "Yuck," and made a face and stuck out his tongue. She was really laughing now and he looked at her and said, "Try these!" and moved the box closer to her so that she could see his albums. "These are mine�so they're much better," he said confidently.

"Albums?" She looked at him skeptically.

"Not just albums, Josie, my albums!" He said it proudly but she could tell he was teasing her. They were both grinning now.

Josie started to look tentatively from her side of the box as if she was afraid of what she might find. "Oh, Bruce Springsteen!" she exclaimed suddenly. "I love him! He sings one of my favorite songs; it's not on this album though." He noticed she was holding a fairly recent Springsteen album.

"I have all his albums, Josie� Which one is your favorite?" Sam figured there was no way they could have the same favorite Springsteen song, especially considering the difference in their ages.

"It's on the Born to Run album and it's called 'Thunder Road.' I love the words to that song and the piano playing on it." Sam was staring at her with his mouth open now. He was totally astounded.

"No way, Josie� That's my favorite song! I'll bet you don't know all the words!" he challenged, knowing that the lyrics were somewhat complicated and non-repetitive.

Josie smiled at him defiantly. "I'll take that bet! What do you want to bet?" Her eyes were dancing.

"How about�if you can recite all the words to 'Thunder Road,' I'll take you, Aldys and David out for burgers when we finish today�my treat?" He waited to see what she would say to that.

"And if I can't, we'll still go�but it'll be on me!" She looked at him confidently.

"Are you sure you can afford that, Josie?" He teased her.

"I won't need to worry about it, thank you, but yes I can afford it!" Sam was totally captivated by her smile and her incredible eyes and by the fact that she was letting her guard down now.

"Okay, Josie�go ahead, if you dare."

"Shouldn't you get the album cover so you can check to see if I'm right?" She asked sweetly.

"No, Miss Geller, that won't be necessary. I know the words by heart. It's my favorite song too, remember?" He made another face at her and she giggled.

"All right I'll start now." She cleared her throat and began to recite:

"The screen door slams, Mary's dress waves, like a vision she dances across the porch as the radio plays . . ."

Josie continued finishing all the verses perfectly giving Sam a triumphant look and making a face of her own.

Sam was laughing now. Listening to the words of his favorite song, spoken to him in Josie's beautiful voice had been incredible. He was amazed that she would even be familiar with the song, much less know all the words. It wasn't as if it was a song that everyone would know the words to. Springsteen fans would probably know them, but the general public wouldn't and Sam felt that the song's lyrics touched Josie the same way they touched him. But it also brought to mind how much Lara had hated the song and hated Bruce Springsteen�or anything that was not opera. She had thrown the record and broken it during an argument over his going to a concert, but Sam had loved the song so much that he had saved the smashed record pieces in its cover.

Josie started to look through his albums again. "Here it is� Here's Born to Run!" she said excitedly. She picked it up and then heard it rattle. "Oh, no! Oh my God, I think I've broken it! I'm so sorry." She looked horrified.

"No, no Josie�you didn't break it. It was broken before. I just kept it because it was my favorite song. Someone got angry with me and broke it deliberately and I guess, because it meant a lot to me, I kept it anyway. Stubborn, I guess," he grinned sheepishly.

He noticed she looked really upset on his behalf he realized. "Someone broke your favorite record on purpose!?" She had a feeling she knew who it was. "I'm really sorry someone would do that." She said it softly, thinking about how much she disliked Lara just based on their one meeting and the fact that she'd thrown out his Gordie Howe helmet�and now this. She wondered what it was about Lara that Sam loved�besides the fact that she was obviously attractive. Josie hadn't liked the way Lara had talked to Sam, not one bit. Still, she had to respect the fact that Sam had stayed with her for five years. She felt that Lara must have some good quality not readily apparent to her for Sam Coulson to be in love with her.

Sam was touched by how distraught Josie seemed at what had happened. "Anyway, that doesn't matter. It was a long time ago." Changing the subject back to something more cheerful, he exclaimed, "You won the bet, Josie, and I'm impressed!"

He was glad to see she had relaxed again and was smiling. They smiled at each other and then reached into the box of albums at the same time. Their hands touched accidentally and they both froze�but neither one looked away nor moved their hand. They stayed like that, barely touching hands and staring at each other, hardly aware of time passing.

Just then, Aldys opened the door and she and David walked in the classroom. Josie pulled her hand back, still staring at Sam. They both felt the same unbelievably powerful attraction.

Sam was overwhelmed by the tremendously exciting sensations coursing through him as he lost himself in Josie's eyes.

Sam came back to earth and remembered to breathe as David and Aldys cleared their throats. "What would you like us to do?" Aldys asked cheerfully.

Sam showed them what he wanted and they went to work organizing and selecting songs from the CDs that Josie had already chosen. They sat at two desks over from him and Josie so there would be no more chances to explore those incredible shared sensations. He and Josie continued working quietly together, occasionally making eye contact, saying everything with their eyes. It was like they were really communicating without speaking again.

After an hour, Sam decided to ask all of them about their costumes for the Prom. "Do you guys have your costumes all set?" he asked, hoping Josie would speak up.

Instead, Aldys answered. "Yes, we do. Most of the Denominators are going to prom this year. We're going as a long strand of DNA� a double helix."

Sam smiled at such an original and unconformist idea. "That's really clever! Was it your idea, Aldys?"

"Thanks� No, it was both of ours really," Aldys said modestly. She looked at Josie. "What are you and Guy going to wear, Josie?"

Josie looked at Sam. He had a strange look on his face�almost as if he were jealous� Wait! Where had that thought came from? Why would Sam be jealous of Guy? "We're going as Rosalind and Orlando," she answered with a smile.

Sam thought about it for a second. He knew the answer, but he had to ask. "Whose idea?"

"Mine," Josie laughed. "Guy doesn't care� He's just happy to have a sword and look good for his fans." She didn't say it unkindly, just truthfully. They all smiled, knowing Guy.

Aldys looked at Josie. "Josie, are you going to be Rosalind in disguise or as a woman?"

Josie's eyes were sparkling again. "Both," she replied cryptically.

Sam looked at her. He wasn't sure he understood her meaning, but Aldys seemed to get it, so he figured he wouldn't press it. He was relieved to learn that Josie had the same opinion of Guy that he did. More and more he felt that they were communicating without words, as if they were always on the verge of telling each other something. Sometimes he felt that he understood her, and at other times he was mystified, almost as if he were under a spell of some sort.

He figured it was time to change the subject. "Are you guys ready to go for something to eat? My treat?" He smiled when he said it, looking at Josie.

Aldys and David were pleasantly surprised at the offer and thanked Sam for his offer, quickly agreeing while Josie just smiled back at Sam, enjoying their private joke.

When they were all ready, they walked across the teachers' parking lot to Sam's car. They were surprised at how much the temperature had dropped and the wind had really started to howl. None of them had brought coats to school; the day had started out to be rather warm and sunny. Sam's car was a two- door, so he opened his door and flipped up the front seat so that Josie could get in behind him. David did the same for Aldys on the other side.

After they all got in, Sam put the key in the ignition to start his car. When he suddenly realized that there was a tape playing in the cassette player - the same one that he'd played in the car since Sunday - Reba McIntire singing "I'd Rather Ride Around With You", Sam blushed bright red.

"Oh, that's Reba McIntire!" Aldys exclaimed. "I love that song."

"I do too� I skate to it a lot," Josie said quietly, shocked. Her mind was racing. She was afraid to look up at Sam's rear view mirror. She was not ready to meet his gaze. She was still trying to process the obvious fact that he'd watched her skate for much longer than he'd admitted� Either that or it was an incredible coincidence. She was betting on the former.

Sam decided to take a chance to make sure there was no doubt in her mind about what this meant. "Actually," he said to Aldys, as if just making conversation, "I just got the tape Sunday night. I really like it." Josie looked at another tape sticking out of the compartment between the seats. It was a tape of Madonna's Greatest Hits. Josie's heart started to pound, knowing that this tape also had to do with her. 'Why would he do that?' she wondered. Her breath caught for a moment as she let herself think, just for a moment, that maybe Sam really did like her, that he really was interested in her.

At that point, thankfully, Aldys started to sing along with Reba, breaking Josie from her thoughts. David quickly put both hands over his ears and kidded, "Please Mr. Coulson, make her stop! The horror! The horror!" They all laughed and Sam popped the tape out, switching the radio on and turning it down lower.

Aldys pretended to be insulted. "Some people think I have a nice voice!" she said with false indignation.

David turned around to look at her. "Are they from the Planet Tone Deaf?" Aldys punched him in the arm, laughing now. Sam and Josie were smiling, but their thoughts were still focused on each other.

Sam stole a look at her and saw, to his relief, that she didn't look upset. He felt like he'd gone as far as he could go without actually telling her he loved her, that he'd really revealed something to her.

As he pulled in to the fast food place, they all voted to eat in the car, since it was so cold and windy now and no one relished the thought of walking through all that bluster. They all got burgers and sodas, except for Josie who decided on hot chocolate.

"Don't you want something to eat, Josie? Remember, it's my treat." Sam turned around to look at her, figuring this was a safe subject.

Josie looked at him with huge eyes and he suddenly realized he wasn't safe at all. "I'm not hungry. I guess I just want something warm. I feel a little chilly." She said it calmly but her eyes were saying dangerous things to him. Sam shivered involuntarily.

"I'm sorry. I'll turn the heat up, Josie," he managed to say, flipping the switch, realizing that Josie was dressed in a summery outfit.

"That's okay� I'm sure the hot chocolate will warm me up," she said, staring at him. He wished he could tell what she was thinking, but he was almost afraid to know. The look in her eyes was taking him way beyond the teacher/student boundary and he was more than a little frightened by the way his body was responding now. He was glad she couldn't see the effect she was having on him. As he handed her the hot chocolate their fingers brushed and he tried not to stare at the way she licked the whipped cream off the top of the cup. All of a sudden he was feeling decidedly overheated looking at her tongue and her mouth, almost beyond the point of self-control. He could barely pull it together enough to eat his own food, leaving more than half of it uneaten.

When they finished, Sam put all the trash in the bag and opened up the door to go and throw it in a garbage can. They were all surprised when Sam could barely get the door open due to the wind. But Sam was happy to get out into the blasting cold air. If the truth were told, he felt like he could use a cold shower at that moment, but this was probably the next best thing.

As he got back in, he joked, "Boy, they don't call this the 'Windy City' for nothing, huh?" They all laughed and then thanked him for the meal.

Sam demurred, saying, "No, I want to thank all three of you for helping me. I think we'll actually finish task today. By myself, it would have taken the rest of the week. I really appreciate it," he said earnestly.

They drove back to South Glen South listening to the radio. It had gotten so windy out that Sam had to concentrate with both hands on the wheel in order to drive. He was glad to have something to divert his attention. Sam had never seen such a brutal storm at this time of year. They passed several stop signs and even a few utility poles that had blown over. The sky began to look menacing. Sam decided to switch the radio station to get a weather report. The temperature had dropped more than 30 degrees in the past hour and they were experiencing gale force winds with gusts to over 80 miles per hour� a serious storm even in Chicago.

"Wow, it's like winter again," David remarked.

"It's like those hurricanes they have on the East Coast sometimes," Sam said.

"Yeah�and we didn't even bring our coats today," Aldys joined in.

"I can pull up to the front door and let you all out, then park the car and run in," Sam offered. He was particularly worried about Josie in her short- sleeved blouse. At least he and the other two were wearing long sleeves.

"I think maybe we should all walk in together� In this wind we may have to hold each other down," Josie said only half joking, as she felt concern about Sam walking in from the parking lot alone.

David and Aldys both said they thought it would be a better idea to stay together, so Sam reluctantly agreed.

Sam pulled the car into the closest parking space he could find. He got out and pulled the seat up to let Josie out and David started to do the same thing for Aldys. Just as the two girls were starting to get out of the back seat, a sudden, ferocious wind gust blew the passenger side door back into David, knocking him on top of Aldys, who fell flat on her back between the seats with David on top of her. Her glasses went flying when they fell.

Sam and Josie were in a different situation. His door blew back against him, but he had fast reflexes and was able to keep from falling into Josie by bracing his left hand against doorframe. Worriedly, his right arm flew around Josie to hold her steady against him.

"Hold on, Josie!" he said through clenched teeth, trying with all his might to fight the wind and keep from falling on top of her. He was afraid of hurting her.

Josie wrapped both her arms around Sam tightly, with her head buried against his chest. She was holding him as hard as she could with her right arm, and held her left arm extended behind him to try to shield Sam's back from the car door slamming into him.

Aldys and David were laughing because the wind was blowing so hard now that David couldn't even move to let her up. They were virtually stuck.

On the other side of the car, Sam was relieved to hear them laugh, because more than likely that meant they were both unhurt.

Of more concern to him was Josie, who was holding on tight to him with her head buried in his chest. He tried to tell her not to worry about the door hitting him, but she shook her head. Josie wasn't about to let the door hit him in the back if she could shield him with her arm.

Although this had happened just as suddenly, this was much different from their other quick embrace. They were both holding onto each other as tightly as they could, pressed against each other, each one trying to protect the other with as much strength as they had. Josie could feel Sam breathing and she could even feel his heart beating as rapidly as hers was.

As determined as she was determined to protect Sam with her arm, she didn't even feel the door banging against her again and again; she was so swept away in being held by him. She shivered with excitement as she realized how strong he must be to keep her from falling over with just one arm around her.

Sam's mind was reeling. He couldn't quite believe he was holding her like this - that she was pressed against him this way - even though they were in a precarious situation. It felt so right having his arm around her, having their bodies touch like this. He didn't want the wind to ever subside, but after a few moments, it lessened enough for them to move.

Josie was still holding on tight to him, but Sam relaxed his grip a little on the door frame and, reluctantly, on Josie's back as well. He could feel her shivering and now that the wind had decreased he could feel her whole body pressed against him. As he felt his body start to react to her closeness, he realized that this situation could easily spin out of control.

Still, he couldn't resist gently caressing her back and stroking her hair trying to soothe and calm her. He'd never touched her hair before and he was shocked at how soft and silky it was to touch.

Reluctantly, he finally said, "It's okay Josie, you�we can let go now." Then, looking into the car, he laughed a little and said, "Um�I think Aldys and David are stuck." He felt her loosen her grip then and she slowly pulled away from him. David finally was able to scramble up off of Aldys and they, still laughing, started looking for Aldys' glasses.

"I see them," Sam said, reaching down into the car to retrieve them from the floor behind the driver's side seat. Josie was standing quietly next to him, holding on to the car for support. David was actually able to give Aldys his hand and she pulled herself up and out of the car. They walked around the car and Sam handed Aldys her glasses.

"Thanks, Mr. Coulson," Aldys said. Then she looked at Josie. "Oh my God, Josie! What happened to your arm?"

"What?" Josie said, confused. Aldys was staring at her left forearm. Looking down, she was shocked. It was scraped and obviously terribly bruised - it was already starting to turn black and blue. Josie shrugged. "It's okay� It doesn't even hurt or anything. I'm fine."

Sam was shocked. He realized that she must have hurt it trying to protect him. "Josie, I'm so sorry� Your poor arm. Let me look at it." She held it out for him to examine. "Does it hurt to move it?"

Josie could see that Sam was terribly concerned. "No, not at all, really it's fine, don't worry - I bruise easily, but I heal quickly really." She wanted to reassure him, but she still felt a little shaky from being so close to him and now having him touch her arm she felt as if she could barely stand.

He saw her start to collapse and he put his arm around her again, thinking that maybe Josie was in shock. "I'll help you Josie, don't worry."

He looked at David. "David, you help Aldys get inside, too. This wind could kick up at any minute, okay?" David put his arm around Aldys and they all walked into the school.

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