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* * *
"So, what should I do?" asked Josie, staring down at her hands, which she'd folded in her lap. She had just finished telling Anita the whole, complicated story of her run in with Sam at the Delloser Club.
Anita shook her head, but for once had nothing to say. They both watched the red light as if they could make it turn green. The light finally changed and Anita stepped on the gas. "So, he still thinks you're married."
"Yeah." Josie sighed and stared out the car window.
"It doesn't sound like he's too attached to that girlfriend of his. I mean, who would be?"
"Well, there must be something good about her, if a guy like Sam has been with her for five years."
"Not necessarily. A lot of times it's, like�force of habit, you know?"
Josie shrugged. "I guess. But the point is, what can come of all this? You know I can't ruin Lydia's story and get us both fired."
"Actually," said Anita, braking for another red light, "I don't see why you couldn't tell Sam the truth."
Josie furrowed her brows and turned away from the window to stare at Anita incredulously. "What do you mean?"
"Well, with Lydia's new approach and all."
Josie's heart started pounding. "What new approach?"
"Oh, I thought you knew. Lydia's not going for the student - teacher misconduct thing anymore. It just wasn't working. Apparently," said Anita, turning to Josie with a grin, "your Mr. Coulson is just too virtuous."
"Lydia just didn't know how to attract him," Josie remarked, though she couldn't suppress a smile.
"Oh well. I guess not all men can be won over by short skirts and belly rings."
"Unless that scantily clad student also knew a bit of Shakespeare," Josie added wryly, prompting a laugh from Anita. "So what is Lydia's new approach?" she asked, getting them back on the subject.
"She's going to see if a 'loser' can be turned into the most popular girl in school. She pitched the idea to Rigfort, and he seemed to like it."
"That's why Aldys was with them," Josie mused to herself.
"What?" Anita asked, confused.
"Never mind."
"Anyway," Anita went on, "you should talk to Lydia tomorrow and if she doesn't seem to care, then I say�tell Sam the truth."
* * *
"Josie! Of course you can't tell him!" Lydia insisted. "If even one person found out, just think of how easy it would be for the word to get out."
"Sam Coulson would never tell a soul," Josie argued.
"How do you know that?" Lydia demanded. From her expression, it was obvious she didn't believe it.
"Because I know him." Josie explained simply.
Lydia sighed and looked away. After a few moments of thought, she turned back to Josie and replied, "Look... I'm not saying that he would give it away intentionally, okay? He wouldn't be able to act the same way around me, and that would ruin everything. Don't you understand?"
"Lydia, to be honest, I don't think it would make a difference. I've caught glimpses of your tapes, and it doesn't look like Sam . . ." She paused, trying to think of a safe word. "Sam doesn't . . . interact with you that much."
Lydia looked as though she were trying to decide whether or not to be offended. Since she made no answer, Josie decided to continue on a more personal note. "Lydia, I know this is your story. But it's my life. It's very important to me that Sam knows the truth."
To Josie's surprise, Lydia smiled. "Ooohhhhh. Now I'm beginning to understand."
"What?"
"Oh please, Josie. You're not so concerned with him knowing the 'truth,' so to speak. You just want him to know you aren't married." She leaned her head back and laughed. "I'm right, aren't I?"
Josie felt herself blushing and couldn't hold back a smile. "Look, I�"
"No, no, it's okay. It's okay," Lydia waved her hand dismissively. "Tell him. You know, it's not like I can blame you for being crazy in love with him. He's pretty hot."
Josie had to laugh at Lydia's terminology. "Crazy in love?" she repeated.
Lydia's only reply was a knowing, amused wink as she stood to leave Josie's office. "Have fun bowling this evening, Josie Geller," she teased as she walked out.
In love? Was she really in love with Sam Coulson? And even if she was, so what? He had a girlfriend-- a girlfriend who was a gorgeous, famous New York attorney. Why would he give up the "perfect woman" for "Josie Grossie"?
The ringing of her phone stirred her from her thoughts. Her heart swelled at the sound of Sam's voice on the other end. 'Is this what love feels like?' she wondered.
"Sam," she greeted him, trying to keep at least some of the excitement from her voice. "Hi."
"Hi, Josie. It's so great to hear your voice." He paused for a second, and then went on, "Look. I was thinking that you might want your husband to come with us tonight."
Josie nearly choked. "Uh . . . I . . . um . . ."
"Lara wanted to come with us, and I figured it would be more fun for you if -- well, you know."
Josie felt a lump rising in her throat. Whom was she fooling? Sighing mentally, she thought, 'Myself, for starters.' "My husband. Hmmm. I'll, um, see if he can come."
"Great." He seemed ready to end the conversation, but then continued in a warmer voice, "I really wanted to spend the time alone with you, but Lara insisted. I'm sorry."
"No. Don't worry about it. Really. It's okay." Wow. 'That didn't even convince me,' she thought.
There was a pause. "I can call Lara and make other plans," he suggested.
"No, really. I'll talk to�" She fished for a name, any name. "�Merkin and see if he wants to join us." Merkin?!
"Okay... Well, I guess we'll meet you two there."
When she hung up the phone, Josie didn't know whether to cry or to laugh. Could things possibly get any worse? On one hand, her hopes of spending the evening with Sam and telling him the truth were ruined. And on the other, she had just obligated herself to finding a "husband" before five o'clock.
She raced to Anita's office and burst through the door. Anita held up one finger as she finished a phone call. "Uh huh. Okay. Yeah. Uh huh." Anita rolled her eyes and waved her hand in a "get on with it" fashion. "Yeah. Sure. Okay. Uh huh. Bye." She slammed the phone down. "Okay, what is it? You look . . . weird."
"I need a husband."
Anita grinned playfully. "Don't we all."
"No, I mean, a stand-in husband. To go bowling. Tonight."
Anita's grin turned into loud laughter. "Josie Geller, you certainly have made my life more interesting lately."
"I'm glad you're having so much fun," Josie quipped wryly. "But seriously�any ideas?"
"I don't think there's any way to discuss this seriously." Josie gave her a droll look, and she went on quickly. "Okay, okay. Um... Oh! Have you called Rob?"
"This is his 'sports night' with his friends."
"How about Gus?"
"No," they said simultaneously, and then started laughing.
"I know!" exclaimed Anita. "Roger!"
"Never."
"Marshall."
"Marshall, the Duke?" Josie asked in disgust.
"This conversation sounds vaguely familiar," Anita remarked. After another long pause, she said, "Okay, I've got it. Merkin."
Josie laughed. "Actually, that's the name I gave Sam on the phone."
"You told him your husband was Merkin?!"
"Hey, I was drawing a blank!" Josie defended herself through her laughter.
"So�? Ask Merkin. I doubt he has plans. Now I want you to tell me why you need a 'husband' for tonight."
"Sam just called and said that Lara will be there with him."
Anita's smile fell. "Oh."
Ten minutes later, Josie was back in her office, trying to figure out the best way to ask Merkin to pose as her husband. Finally, she decided that there was no good way, so she called him to come in and sit down.
"Merkin, I need a favor."
"Favor's my middle name. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Cause that's the way it works. Power. What's the favor?"
Josie tried desperately not to laugh at Merkin's pithy sayings. "Well, I'm going bowling tonight, and . . ."
"Bowling. Yeah. That's fun. The other night, I went bowling and . . ."
"I need you to pretend to be my husband."
Merkin's jaw dropped, and for the first time since she's known him, she saw him rendered speechless.
"Can you help me?" she asked pleadingly.
He nodded, still staring at her with that dazed look. "Pretend to be your husband. Great. Married bliss. You need any coffee? Index cards?"
As he walked out, she laughed to hear him mutter to himself, "So Feng Shui really works. Power, baby."
* * *
Josie said a silent prayer in her mind as she spotted Sam and Lara at the bowling alley. She put her hand on Merkin's arm, took a deep breath, and started walking towards them. "Hi," she greeted them with a nervous smile. She hoped that her tension wasn't evident. "Sam, Lara, I'd like you to meet my husband."
"Merkin," he said, extending his hand to Sam.
"Geller," Josie finished.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Merkin," said Lara. "That's an unusual name."
"Well," he shrugged, "it isn't really my name. My real name is Howard. But hey, don't tell anybody. You know what I mean?"
Lara laughed. "Howard isn't so bad. So how did you come up with Merkin?"
"It was our dog's name. Like Indiana Jones, you know? 'Hey, how are you? I'm named after the dog.'"
Lara looked completely bewildered, but Sam and Josie exchanged amused looks.
For his part, Sam was baffled at the relationship. What on earth could Josie have in common with this man?
The four of them reserved a lane, picked out their balls, and entered their names into their computer. Lara went first and got a spare.
"Pretty good for someone who hates bowling," Sam said, patting her on the back. "Let's see how I do."
Sam released the bowling ball and turned bright red as it gradually rolled into the gutter. The other three laughed as he turned around and gave a sheepish shrug.
"It's okay, honey," Laura encouraged him. "Nail it this time." Sam took his second shot, and 'nailed' another gutter ball.
"Okay, okay. I quit," he laughed, throwing his hands up in surrender.
"Watch this action," said Merkin. He knocked down all but two pins.
"Great job . . . sweetheart," Josie congratulated him.
Merkin grinned broadly and replied, "Thank you, muffin."
Sam suddenly burst into laughter and had to hide it behind his hand. Josie, whose face had turned an interesting shade of scarlet, looked at Sam with narrowed eyes, trying not to laugh herself. 'Muffin?' he mouthed to her, his eyes twinkling.
Josie cleared her throat and tried to gather her thoughts. Trying to forget about the humiliating evening before her, she approached the line, released her ball, and watched happily as it knocked down every pin.
"Strike!" she yelled joyfully.
By the end of the game, Josie had maintained her lead to finish first; Sam made up for his dubious beginning by coming in second; Lara came in third, and Merkin finished last. They played a few more games, and then decided that they'd had enough.
As they gathered their things, Sam leaned towards Josie and whispered, "Your husband is very . . . interesting."
"That's what I love about him," she replied, wincing at how lame that sounded.
"Are you planning to come to Senior Nite with Lydia?"
"Huh?"
"Senior Nite�at Navy Pier," Sam clarified. "I guess she didn't mention it to you..."
"No."
"Well, you should come. It'll be a blast."
"Okay . . . um . . . I'll talk to Lydia about it," she assured him.
Though the evening had provided a fair share of laughter, Josie's heart ached. She hated lying to Sam like this, and longed for a good opportunity to tell him the truth. Not only that, but he and Lara appeared to be closer than she'd imagined. Even now, he was holding Lara's hands and smiling down at her warmly. Josie was surprised at the jealousy she felt rising up inside her. Perhaps Anita was right after all, and Sam was a passing interest that she should forget about for her own sake... and for his.
But she was not alone in her thoughts. Sam could not keep his eyes from straying towards Josie. He watched as she smiled at something her husband said. He studied her eyes; even from a distance he could catch their every expression. He took in every detail of her outfit, every ringlet in her hair, even the texture of her bowling shoes.
"Sam, are you okay?" Laura asked, breaking him from his reverie.
"Yeah. Fine," he assured her.
He managed to speak to Merkin as they walked out, and told him seriously, "Good to meet you, Merkin. You're the luckiest man I know."
"Wow. Total t-shirt," Merkin told himself.
* * *