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"Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Lara conceded as Sam opened the car door for her. "In fact," she continued as he slipped in, shut his door, and started the engine, "I'm not sorry I came."
"Why'd you bother if you didn't think you'd have a good time?" Sam muttered as he pulled out of the parking lot. He was immediately sorry that he'd said it; this would be the start of another fight. It seemed as though that was all they did lately. But then Lara was so different now. After living in New York for almost a year, she came back a total stranger.
At one time, she had been absolutely perfect for him. He was a junior in college, the shy, quiet "literary type." Lara was a social butterfly, an enchanting mix of beauty and brains. After several months of harboring a secret crush on her, he got the nerve to ask her out to dinner, and nearly passed out when she said "yes."
They went to dinner, and then Lara suggested they go to the park. They found a small, deserted park and spent several hours talking, swinging, and playing on the jungle gym. Lara had kicked off her heels and let down her hair, and Sam believed that he had never seen anything as beautiful as she was.
What had happened to his college sweetheart, the woman he had loved for five years? Everything that originally attracted him to her was now twisted into something unrecognizable. She had been talkative; now she complained constantly. Her witty intelligence was now employed for meanness. She had always been a stylish woman, but now she was a high-maintenance snob. And, maybe saddest of all, her lively nature now manifested itself as uptight impatience.
About a hundred yards down the road, he saw Josie's car make a left and disappear from sight. He found himself longing to be in that car with her, and was angry with himself for thinking such a thing while his girlfriend of five years sat right beside him.
Then it hit him like the fatal train in Anna Karenina: he no longer loved Lara. The realization was oddly discomforting and yet also a relief. On one hand, it was more than a little jolting to find that the feelings he'd been cultivating over five years weren't there anymore. On the other hand, he was relieved to know his own heart. Of course, "knowing his heart" also involved finally admitting to himself that he was becoming swiftly and hopelessly attracted to another woman - a married woman.
"God, Sam, what's with you?" Lara asked defensively. "I just said I had a good time."
Though only a few seconds had elapsed, Sam had to do some quick mental back-pedaling to return to the conversation at hand. "Huh?" was all he could manage at the moment.
Lara sighed heavily and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Are you paying attention? I just want to know why I'm the target of such a sarcastic comment, when all I said was . . ."
He remembered the conversation and interrupted her. "I just don't understand why you would bother coming if you were determined to have a lousy time."
"I was not determined to have a lousy time," Lara retorted. "You just twist around all my words, as usual."
"Look, I don't want to argue. Can we just drop this? I'm sorry I said anything."
"No. This is as good a time as any to address our relationship."
"Our relationship?" Sam repeated. "I really don't need this right now, Lara."
"I'm leaving in a few days! We have to discuss it some time."
Sam lowered his voice and said soothingly, "Of course we'll talk about it. But we just had a great evening, so why not let it end on a good note?"
Her silence seemed to indicate that she was somewhat pacified, so he tried a complete change of subject. "So, what did you think of Josie's husband?"
He gave an inward sigh of relief when Lara laughed. "I think I can honestly say that he's the strangest person I've ever met. I wonder what Josie sees in him?"
"Maybe he makes her laugh," Sam suggested. "That can be quite a strong attraction."
"I guess. Anyway, I just love her new look. When she first interviewed me, I remember thinking, 'Now that's a pretty woman, if she would only do something with herself.' It's so sad when women just don't try, you know what I mean?"
"You seem to like Josie," Sam remarked, trying to steer Lara back onto a topic that interested him.
"I do. Not the best fashion-sense in the world, but very sweet. She's also smart and ambitious. I admire that. If she would lose a few of her weird quirks, I could make her the toast of New York."
Sam disagreed totally, though he said nothing. Josie's "weird quirks" were precisely what made her so endearing. Lara had lost her own sense of uniqueness, and didn't seem to realize that she was the worse for it. It reminded him of some of the girls he taught (such as Josie's sister), who had become clones and masked their own hollow personalities by mocking classmates who had an identity.
At a red light, he studied Lara's profile from the corner of his eye and tried to catch some reminder of the woman he had once loved. "Ugh, I broke a nail," she muttered.
* * *
Sam was grateful for the much-needed rest provided by the weekend. He and Lara had their discussion, and he told her the truth about his present feelings. She asked him if he wanted to break up, and he replied, "Not yet. Give me a few weeks to think." On that note, she'd wiped her eyes, kissed his cheek, turned on her heel, and boarded her plane. The whole thing was calmer than he'd imagined, and he felt a wonderful kind of freedom.
Now, on a sunny Monday morning, he entered his classroom in a surprisingly good mood. The first thing he noticed - indeed, it was something that could never have escaped his attention - was that Aldys, she of the strange headbands and eccentric outfits, now sat with Lydia Staples and wore a pretty camisole, denim shorts that showed off her long legs, and cute sandals. Guy Perkins sat on her right and appeared to be drawing in her notebook. He had to smile at the Cinderella story unfolding in front of him.
What pleased him more was the fact that even though Aldys was dressing differently, she was still herself. She still answered questions and contributed to class discussion. Even better, her new friends seemed to think that class participation was "cool." Maybe Aldys could change them just as much as they thought they were changing her.
The bell rang, and the students filed out of the classroom. When they were gone, Sam sat on the corner of his desk and looked around the empty room, lost in thought. He wondered at the sudden change in Aldys' social status. Surely she hadn't woken up that morning and said, "Hmmm. Let's go for the pink camisole instead of the green sweatshirt. And maybe this headband better go, too." In short, he was mystified.
Sam gathered his things and went to his office for his free period. His eyes caught one of the posters advertising Senior Nite at the carnival, and when he remembered mentioning it to Josie at the bowling alley, he couldn't stop himself from dialing the office of the Sun-Times. "You idiot, you idiot, you idiot," he whispered to himself before he was greeted by a secretary. "Yes, how are you? Could you connect me to Josie Geller's office, please?"
Josie was still reflecting on what Lydia had told her earlier that morning. She explained her new approach involving Aldys, then told Josie that she'd spoken to Rigfort about Sam knowing the truth. Rigfort had replied with a very firm "Hell no." Lydia was very relieved to find that Josie hadn't told Sam already, and made her promise that she wouldn't.
The ringing phone shook Josie from her thoughts. "Hello?" she answered it.
"Hi, Josie! Sam Coulson."
Her voice was immediately warmer as she repeated his name. "Sam. Hi."
"Are you busy?"
"Not at all. By the way, I really had fun the other night."
"How did Merkin enjoy himself?"
"What? . . . oh . . . Merkin had a blast. What about you and Lara?"
Sam winced as he remembered the events following, but could honestly reply, "We had a great time with you two."
"You must miss her� I heard that she finished her work here and headed back for New York."
"Yes." Sam paused for a moment, unsure if he should continue. Then, feeling a bit self-conscious, he said, "Anyway, I was calling to find out if you'd thought any more about coming to Senior Nite."
In fact, she had forgotten about it completely until now, though she vaguely recalled him mentioning it the other night. "Well, Lydia didn't invite me," she replied a little sadly. It did sound like fun.
"Would it be okay if I invited you?"
Josie was too shocked and excited at the prospect of a night alone with Sam to think of a coherent answer.
There was an awkward pause, and he mistook her hesitation. "Merkin could come with you, of course. It'll be fun."
"I don't think Merkin could make it," Josie answered, finding her voice at last. "But I would love to come."
* * *
Back at South Glen South, other arrangements were being made for Senior Nite. Sitting at the lunch table with the popular kids, Aldys was trying to make sense of some take-home calculus problems for the Denominators. She put down her pencil in frustration and took a wary bite of what the menu called chicken pot pie.
Guy leaned over her notebook. "That would be a lot more simple if you took the derivative of the y term."
Aldys first looked at Guy in complete surprise, then took another glance at the problem, which suddenly made perfect sense. "How did you know that?" she asked him.
Guy laughed dismissively. "I'm in your calculus class, remember?"
"Yes, but . . ." She caught herself about to say something both unfair and rude.
Guy understood her, but let it go. "Are you going to the carnival tonight?"
"I wasn't planning to go," she replied, keeping her eyes on her notebook paper in an attempt to hide the hopeful look in them.
"Would you go with me?" he asked softly.
Aldys looked up and found herself smiling broadly. "I would love to."
* * *
Sam waited for Josie at the gate, and his heart raced when he spotted her. Her hair was straight tonight, and she had on a really pretty red dress. They approached each other, not quite knowing what to do. Shake hands? Hug? They said "Hi, how are you?" at the same time, and each answered the other's question at the same time. This bit of awkwardness only served to ease the tension, since they both burst into laughter at themselves.
They walked around slowly, visiting all the booths. Sam lost a dart game. Josie stopped to have her age guessed, and was flattered (and won a prize) when she was told, "You aren't seventeen? I swear you could pass for seventeen."
Josie was pleasantly surprised to see her brother Rob working in one of the booths. She introduced Sam, then asked, "What are you doing here? Is this for the Tiki Post?"
"No, I talked to the baseball coach about an assistant position, and he said he'd consider it if I took his place here." Rob grinned. "I'm all for a little bribery. Anyway, I might ask the same question of you."
"Sam's a teacher at South Glen, and he invited me. I also came to see our sister Lydia; after all it's her Senior Nite�" she added, giving him a pointed look.
"Huh?� Oh, right. Lydia." Though he could always be depended on to play along on short notice, Rob seemed completely baffled, and Josie decided it best to leave quickly.
After exploring a few more booths, at one of which Sam threw a pie into a student's face, Sam and Josie finally found themselves standing in front of the Ferris wheel. "Oh, I love these things," Josie breathed. "Looking down on the whole carnival - it's beautiful."
Sam shuddered. "Not for me."
"What do you mean?" Josie asked in surprise. "You won't ride it with me?"
"I'm a little nervous about heights," he explained.
"'Cowards die a thousand times before their deaths - the valiant taste of death but once,'" Josie quoted with a grin.
"I admire your attempt to inspire me with Shakespeare, but using a quote mentioning death is not the way to go about it," Sam replied.
Josie laughed. "Oh, come on!" she begged him.
"Josie, I really can't."
She looked disappointed. "All right. Well, will you wait for me?"
Sam replied with a nod, and watched her go up alone. "Lonely ride in bucket five!" the operator yelled. "Single!"
"Do you have to yell it like that?" Josie hissed at the carny, mortified.
Of their own volition, Sam felt his feet moving him toward Josie. He handed the operator a ticket and sat down beside her. She smiled at him warmly as the operator lowered the bar; before Sam knew it, he was lifted upwards and backwards with a small jerk. "Whoa . . . whoa," he said nervously.
"Thanks, Sam," she said, patting his arm comfortingly. Looking around, she added in awe, "Isn't it beautiful?"
Unable to bear looking around him, Sam focused his eyes on Josie. "Very beautiful." For the first time since that night with Lara in the park, Sam had the sensation of feeling that he was with the most beautiful person on earth. Though it was wonderful and frightening, he also felt horribly guilty. For unlike Lara, Josie was a married woman. He simply could not allow himself to feel too much.
Josie met his gaze with that beguiling smile of hers. Before Sam quite realized what he was doing, he lifted one hand to slowly graze the side of her face with his fingers.
Josie blushed at the soft feel of his fingertips on her cheek. "Sam," she said softly, breathlessly, loving the sound of his name.
He mistook her use of his name as an admonishment. He pulled his hand back quickly, moved away from her in the seat and, turning his head, closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Josie. I don't� don't know what came over me. It won't happen again, I promise. I'm so sorry," he repeated.
Josie looked over at Sam, wanting desperately to tell him her secret; but knowing she could not, spent the remainder of the ride in thoughtful silence.
After the ride, they walked around another twenty minutes, but the easy camaraderie they'd shared before their Ferris wheel ride was gone and they were both too uncomfortable to stay longer. They said goodbye as casually as possible.
Josie, though depressed about the lie she was forced to perpetuate, was thrilled as she walked out to her car. It may have been a very little thing that Sam did, but it was the first intimate touch she'd received from a man, despite the white lie she'd told Anita - "I've kissed a guy." Maybe Anita was right, and Sam wasn't close to Lara as it had appeared the other night. Josie found herself actually wishing that Anita was right, even though she knew it was wrong of her to hope such a thing.
Sam, on the other hand, was completely disgusted with himself. How could he ever justify acting like that with a married woman? He finally admitted to himself that cared for her more than his conscience would allow. He knew he had no choice but to stay away from Josie Geller.
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