* * *
Sam decided to have his class read their papers on As You Like It aloud, thinking it might distract him from Lara and her visit. He sat on the edge of his desk as he listened half-heartedly to the mostly mediocre essays, periodically glancing at his watch. As the end of the period loomed, Sam's eyes found Josie's.
"Josie, why don't you go next?" He gave her an encouraging smile.
She slowly stood and began to read. Her soft voice soothed Sam's frazzled nerves. He found himself listening intently and watching her closely.
"And so it is Rosalind, in disguise, who is best able to see through the disguise of others. To say to Phebe, 'Mistress, know thyself,' to look at love from every angle, and to realize, finally, that she is in love with Orlando, to free both hearts not in judgment but in equality."
Sam smiled at her, meeting her eyes. "Josie, that's really well written."
Josie glowed at the compliment as the bell rang signaling the end of class. She gathered her things and headed toward the door.
"Hey, Josie, hold on."
Sam closed the door firmly.
"You've been hiding something from everyone," he said in a low voice.
Josie cleared her throat. "Oh�I don't think so."
"Josie, c'mon," Sam said. "I know you lied to Knox."
Josie's heart stopped.
"You aren't from Bali, are you?"
She closed her eyes. "Gus is going to kill me," she whispered.
"I checked your transcripts," Sam revealed; then added more gently, "Josie, look at me�"
She raised her terrified eyes to his strong, sure, beautiful ones.
"There's nothing wrong with being from Scranton, Pennsylvania," he said kindly.
Josie's mouth gaped open.
"You don't need to worry that your college applications won't be exotic enough to get into the Ivy League schools," he assured her. He frowned. "Who's Gus?"
"My, uh�Uncle Gus," Josie made up real quick. "He�feels college is a real waste of time."
"What!?" Sam exclaimed. "Please�let me talk to him before you make your decision," he insisted. "Promise me you'll think about college. I'm not taking no for an answer."
Josie nodded. "Okay. Maybe."
"Promise."
His stern tone startled her, and she gazed up into his eyes.
"I promise," she whispered.
And for a moment their eyes locked, and the chalkboards and the grade books faded into oblivion and the school bell calling them to their assigned roles went totally ignored.
After Josie left, Sam sat down at his desk. Needing to collect his thoughts, he pulled his journal from his briefcase and began writing.
* * *
April 30, 1999
What the hell just happened here? That mystical connection again�making me forget who I am�who she is. I just lost myself completely in her eyes. I think I could have stood there all day�never wanting to move. I have got to get a grip on myself�I can't allow this to continue.
And yet�I don't want to let this feeling drift away�I feel strangely content when I'm with Josie�somehow�more myself...as if I've come home.
This is dangerous. I cannot allow myself to have these feelings...but can I control them?
* * *
Sam took Lara's beer as she headed off toward the bathroom. Things were not going well. They'd argued about everything since he'd met her flight at O'Hare. "Do we agree on anything anymore?" he thought. He closed his eyes for a second and pinched the bridge of this nose to compose himself. When he opened them, he was startled to see Josie Geller awkwardly dancing toward him.
"Josie�out on a school night." He smiled at her.
Josie leaned toward him to say something over the loud music.
Sam felt a hand on his arm.
"That bathroom is disgusting," Lara complained.
Josie's smile vanished.
Slightly embarrassed, Sam was forced to introduce them. "I'd like you to meet Lara."
"His girlfriend," Lara clarified, studying Josie's face.
Josie looked away for a moment to hide the stab of pain she felt.
"She's visiting from New York," Sam explained. He turned to Lara. "Josie's a student of mine."
"It's nice to meet you!" Josie shouted over the loud music.
Lara made a face. "What?"
"I said, 'hi there!''
"I'm sorry. I can't even think in here." She looked at Sam as if he were an unruly boy. "No offense. I know you love this. I'm just hoping you get it out of your system before you move to New York."
Sam looked at Lara, clearly irritated.
She smiled at Josie condescendingly. "My firm has season tickets to the Met."
"Oh�Well, I love baseball," Josie joked.
Sam laughed, but Lara didn't seem to get it. "Nice to meet you," she said in a voice that said it really wasn't. Lara tugged on Sam's arm.
As Lara dragged him away, Sam glanced back at Josie and smiled apologetically.
He was surprised to see her here alone. When Lara finally found a table as far from the stage as possible, Sam found himself searching the smoky club for Josie. He spotted her as she approached South Glen's popular clique and was quickly rebuffed. She winced a little at the insult, but Sam noticed that she didn't let them see her pain. She approached a table of Rastafarians and joined them. "Uh, oh," thought Sam, "this can't be good."
Lara interrupted his thoughts. "So I figure, once the school year is over, you can move to New York. I've got some contacts at Columbia�maybe you could get a professorship there�if you still insist on teaching," she said a bit derisively.
"I teach high school, Lara," Sam said defensively, "and I like it."
"Because you don't want to grow up," she accused.
"I love teaching because�every once in a while I can help someone�get them to think about something in a new way." He stole a glance at Josie. She was laughing and appeared to be having a good time.
"Come on, Sam�all high school kids care about is who's taking who to the prom�they certainly don't care about literature."
"Some do," he said, "I have this one student�"
Lara cut him off. "I need to get some air." She headed up the stairs towards the door with Sam reluctantly following.
He paused on the balcony overlooking the stage. "Do you mind if we stay for one more song?"
"Whatever," she snapped.
He heard the opening chords of "Cut Chemist Suite" and looked down at the dance floor. Josie was dancing alone, without inhibition. She grabbed a hot pink boa from someone and climbed onto the stage. Sam laughed as she danced suggestively across the stage, the boa between her legs. Then, she began alternating between hitting the bongo drums and hitting her behind.
"She's a student of yours?" Lara asked Sam, as if it were an accusation.
"She's just blowing off some steam, high school can be incredibly stressful," he defended. "And actually, she's my favorite student."
"Well, I think your favorite student is on something," she said snidely.
Sam peered more closely at Josie. She'd finished her dance with a split and stumbled from the stage. She did look a bit wild-eyed�
"Maybe I should go check on her�make sure she's all right�" he said as he started towards the steps.
"She's not your responsibility, Sam," Lara snapped, "I want to leave�now!" She grabbed his arm and pulled him through the door.
"I really should�"
"What? Go play white knight for your precious little student? You do so love to be the hero."
"But she might be in real trouble."
"My, my, Sam�if I didn't know better�I'd think you have a thing for that girl."
"Don't be ridiculous! She's a student�an extremely bright one�and�a friend. Leave her out of this�"
"Fine. You can have your precious little 'friend.' What about me? I fly all the way out here just to see you and you ignore me."
"You flew out here because you had business�I just happened to be convenient."
"Fine�maybe I should just fly back tomorrow after my meeting!"
"Maybe you should!"
* * *
Sam lay sleeplessly on the sofa. He glanced at the clock on the VCR. It was 2:45 am. "I hope she's okay," he thought, "what if something's happened to her." Overwhelmed by the need to know, he flipped on the light. He searched through his briefcase for his class list and dialed the phone number by Josie's name. "I hope her parents don't answer," he said aloud.
"H'lo," Josie answered sleepily.
"Josie�is that you?"
"Mmm hmm."
"It's Sam�Coulson�I just�I was concerned about you�I wanted to make sure you'd gotten home all right," he said softly.
"That's so nice," she murmured, "always so sweet�"
"Well�" he whispered awkwardly, "since you're okay�I should say goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay. G'night, Sam," she whispered, as she hung up the phone.
Sam was startled by her slip, realizing it could only mean one thing: that deep down, Josie thought of him as "Sam" instead of "Mr. Coulson". The idea made him happy�dangerously happy. He'd liked the sound of her soft, husky voice as she'd whispered his name�too much for his own good.
Realizing that sleep was unlikely to come anytime soon, he pulled out his journal and began writing.
* * *
April 30, 1999
It's three am and I can't sleep. Lara's in my bedroom�we had a horrible evening and a nasty fight on the way home from Club Delloser. Thankfully, she's leaving tomorrow. Still, we've resolved nothing between us.
I was really surprised to see Josie at the club. I wasn't prepared to see her so soon after what happened this morning. Lara was horrible to her�it was part of what we argued about�she hit a little to close to home with her remarks about Josie.
Poor Josie! She suddenly seems to want acceptance from Guy Perkins and his group�I'm not sure why�she's so far above them. But the social structure in high school is difficult to comprehend at times�and everyone craves acceptance.
They snubbed her�I noticed that. Was I watching her that closely? I saw her sit down with the Rastafarians, too. And I was stunned when she jumped up on stage to dance with the band. Could this be my shy Josie? And yet I found myself enthralled by her uninhibited dance�enthralled and�attracted.
There�I said it�attracted.
And then concerned�she looked a bit unsteady when she finished�I found myself wondering if someone had slipped her something. I wanted to try to find her�to make sure she was okay�but Lara decided we were leaving and dragged me out of the club.
I called her at home. I shouldn't have, but I did. After Lara stormed off to bed�I found Josie's number on my class list and called�just to make sure she was safe. She answered the phone�her voice was soft and husky�I think she was sleeping�and when she hung up, she called me Sam.
A slip�I'm sure...but it made my pulse race�it sounded so strangely right to hear my name from her lips. I'm rambling now�God, I sound like a lovesick kid with his first crush.
What am I going to do? I'm attracted to her...a seventeen-year-old girl.
That's never happened to me before. It's not as if there aren't other attractive girls at school...and most of them dress and act far more seductively than Josie. I've even had one throw herself at me. But I was never tempted to cross that line before now...
With Josie...things are starting to blur.
* * * * *