Amanda's Note: Foremost, I'd like to thank Cheryl for her help and inspiration! Thank you, thank you, Cheryl!! I dedicate it to you (If you want it that is, LOL). Also, If you have any comments, I'd love to hear 'em at [email protected] or on the message board. Hope you like it! :o)
* * *
When Josie and Sam came back from lunch, Josie found it was becoming more and more difficult to think. Her mind was on the follow-up article she was expected to write. It was important and she, as of now, had absolutely no idea what to write.
She stared at the man beside her. Her troubled face twisted into a small smile. Sam hadn't ever done anything to hurt her, and she felt she owed him something; yet she knew her article was going to have to involve him. A twinge of pain sliced into her at the thought. She had already turned his life upside down. She knew she didn't deserve him. She'd done nothing but hurt him since the moment they'd met.
They walked into her new office and found all of her things moved already. "I'll be right back," Josie said, watching Sam through the crack in the door while she closed it. Gus had told her to come see him, and she hurried to his office.
"Hi Gus, what'd you want to see me about?" Josie asked.
"Your article� the one that we need by Thursday," he replied.
Josie gulped apprehensively. "Yea� yes?"
"You know what Rigfort wants the topic to be, and I know that might be hard for you," Gus bit his lip at the sound of the last few words coming out of his mouth.
"What? No. I mean�What does he want me to write about?"
"Sam's point of view on things, what happened for him."
"What? No� NO. I'm not going to do that, Gus."
"You have to, Geller. What else would you write about?"
"I'm not sure yet," she said softly, and seeing the look of amusement in Gus' eyes, she continued, "but I know I can do it." Her words came out so strong and confident that for a minute she had convinced herself as well as Gus.
"But will the readers like it? Look, I just wanted to offer you some help. At least let me get someone to interview Sam for you. You and I both know you can't do that."
Josie closed her eyes for a minute. Her anguish and anger were building up by the second and she wanted nothing more than to throw something at Gus. Who was he to tell her that? But she controlled herself, realizing he didn't mean it the way it sounded� and, after all, he was right. She couldn't, even if she wanted to, ask the kinds of questions the people wanted to know�not of Sam.
"Ok," she whispered and turned to walk out of the room. Just as she was about to close the door, she heard Gus call, "Oh, and Geller?" she froze, but didn't turn around, "I know you can do it. It'll work out, you'll see."
* * *
Josie sat, fidgeting, as she watched Anita take bites of her salad, but she couldn't bring herself to eat. "Don't worry, Josie. I'm sure they aren't asking him anything that bad. Besides, he's a man. Men are strong." Anita said, cocking her head to one side to examine Josie more closely. Feeling the tension in the air, she changed the subject, "You never did call me back last night."
Josie looked up, "Yeah, I was busy. Sorry."
"Busy doing what? Oh, forget it, I think I already know. So, how was he?"
* * *
Josie felt a strong unease floating between Sam and her as they drove back to Will and Meredith's. She didn't want to ask what had happened, and he didn't want to talk about it. But as Josie came to another traffic light, she took a few quick glances at Sam, hoping to see evidence of what Anita had said. What she saw wasn't very convincing. Sam was silent and still with his hands in his lap. He was staring at nothing with sad, sullen, empty eyes. She wondered what he was thinking about; if he hated her now. Frustrated by the silence, she tried to think about something else�anything else, but her mind kept drifting back to the interview, the article.
She reluctantly dropped Sam off and drove back to her apartment. She only had a few days to finish this article, and she knew she would need time to herself to think about it. Her mind was racing with images: Sam running up to her on the ball field; Sam walking with her down the streets of Chicago, sneaking bites of her cheesecake; Sam smiling at her on the elevator; Sam kissing her breasts on top of her desk. She shivered with unexpected pleasure at the memory. She never knew anything could feel so good. She realized suddenly that every one of those memories involved Sam.
As she unlocked her apartment, more disturbing images entered her mind: Billy Prince throwing eggs at her from his limousine� sitting by herself, doing needlepoint in her apartment� Sam turning her down outside of the prom� the clock counting down and reaching zero� her dream of Lara interrupting their kiss on the bench. She shuddered.
* * *
Getting out of Josie's car, Sam felt almost hurt. He wanted, no needed, to be with her. He realized with a little embarrassment that without Josie, he had nothing. He was nothing. He could feel his heart racing as he thought about why she had dropped him off right away. Was she tired of him? Was she upset about what they'd done in her office? Was she embarrassed because he seemed to want more of her than she was ready for?
Sam tried to swallow, but his throat was dry. More questions flooded his mind and he knew he had to know what was wrong with her. He thought back to what had happened on top of Josie desk; what had happened in her room. Spasms of pleasure shot through his body as he remembered the feeling Josie's soft, wet tongue on his neck had given him. He had never felt anything quite like it.
His mind drifted back to the interview he'd had only a few hours ago with one of the reporters. He'd allowed himself to get upset, but he wasn't upset with Josie. He was upset with himself. Questions about Josie and what he'd thought of her, questions about when he'd fallen in love and what he had thought about; about how he'd felt when she'd revealed herself, when she wasn't 17. He had started to realize how Josie must have felt. She hadn't ever done anything to deliberately hurt him and he knew she deserved more than who he was, more than what he could give her.
He remembered their kiss on the field, and then their kiss in her bedroom. He couldn't help but wonder if she was afraid. She had to be afraid. He was afraid, and she'd never done this before. 'And here I am, pressuring her because I can't control my emotions,' he thought. Then, he thought about the times he had been alone and depressed. He had always had friends, but that hadn't been enough.
Trying to imagine himself without Josie seemed impossible and he closed his eyes a minute to compose himself before heading inside.
Once he'd opened the door, he saw Will standing in the near-by kitchen, just looking at him. Sam scratched the back of his neck nervously. He saw his reflection on the glass in one of their paintings and noticed his face was tight and worried. He forced the muscles to relax as he walked toward Will.
"Hi, honey, how was work?" Will teased.
Sam didn't seem to notice the sarcasm in his voice, "Fine, I guess."
"Should've been better than fine� You'd been waiting for it all night. What happened?" His voice deepened into serious concern.
Sam didn't want to admit that his friend's warning had been correct, so instead, he replied, "Headache."
* * *
Meanwhile, Josie collapsed on her bed and pulled out her tape recorder�the one with Sam's interview on it. With a deep breath, she got out her laptop to get ready to take notes and pressed 'play.'
"Ok, Mr. Coulson, do you remember when you first met Josie Geller? Can you tell me about it?"
Josie could almost see Sam sitting in the chair, silent in recollection and then begin to speak, "I don't think I will ever forget it. I was almost late for my first period English Lit class and stepped in almost as the bell rang. I was about to start the class when I noticed someone I'd never seen before: Josie. I introduced myself, rather stupidly, and then I started the class."
Josie smiled as the woman began to speak, "That's all?"
"No, but that was the very first time I met her."
"What did you think when you met her?" the woman asked impatiently.
"Uh� I guess I thought she was different. She seemed so sweet, oddly dressed, but extremely sweet," Sam replied dreamily.
"Sweet in a� an attractive way?"
There was a pause, "Sure. She was and always will be unbelievably beautiful, but that wasn't how it happened." He sounded annoyed, and Josie knew what she would ask next.
"How did it happen?"
"How did what happen?" he asked, as if he didn't know. He was obviously becoming uncomfortable.
"How did you� fall in love with Josie Geller. I'm presuming you are in love with her."
"I don't know exactly when it happened. I mean I know when I realized it, but I don't think I know when I actually fell in love with Josie. Maybe long before I met her." Josie's breath caught in awe at Sam's words.
"And when did you realize that you were in love with who you thought was a 17 year old?" the woman continued.
Sam sighed uncomfortably, "Well, I think I knew when we were sitting together on that Ferris wheel. Or was it when we painted each other that day�or when she was talking about penguins with Tracie�or when she chose the prom theme and looked at me. It might have been when she first defined "pastoral" for the class the first day, but it could have been a lot of different times. Maybe when we almost kissed that day�maybe I was always in love with her and the love just grew over time. I'm not sure."
Taking offense in Sam's vague answers, the woman said sharply, "You almost kissed???"
"We didn't."
"But you just said you did!"
"Almost, I might have been imagining it. I imagined a lot of things during those two months." Sam said and Josie wondered what he really thought.
"Don't you feel any remorse for falling in love with a minor?" The woman's inquisition made Josie want to slap her.
"Of course," Sam's voice broke, "of course I did."
"It didn't seem to stop you, though, did it?"
Josie's vision blurred with tears as she realized how much pain she really caused Sam. She took in a shaky breath and stopped the tape.
* * *
An hour later, Josie was still collapsed on her bed, rubbing her temples in frustration as she stared with hatred at the blank white space on her laptop. Every time she came up with an idea, she realized her ideas were all the same.
Whenever Josie wrote, she would decide on a basic theme for her story and add in some main ideas, step by step, creating a kind of imaginary outline. But this was different. This was about her. She felt strange planning something like this. Then she realized with dread that her column was going to be like this every week.
Josie pinched the bridge of her nose, bit her lip, and mumbled, "I can do this� I just need to find my story�."
She shrugged in momentary confusion. Giving up, she made the decision and laid her hands on the keyboard, swallowed hard, and started to type.
* * *
Sam sighed as he shut off the engine of his car. He had an apartment again; he had a car again. He looked around him, and his heart thumped a little. Everything he saw reminded him of Josie. He didn't know what to do. He knew one thing for sure: he was in love, and he wasn't going to let that go. And that meant controlling himself. He just couldn't seem to do it. He'd done it with Lara. 'But there was no need to do it with Lara,' he thought.
He had a weird feeling in his stomach. He recognized the feeling. He'd gotten it when he received his first teaching job and had to speak to a class for the first time� and then, he remembered: every time he saw Josie.
* * *
Josie grinned to herself as she adjusted the rear-view mirror in her car to look at herself. She was ecstatic, and as she gazed back at her reflection in the mirror, she felt at ease for the first time in a long time. "Who said I couldn't grab a bull's balls?" she said aloud to her reflection.
She got out of the car and walked to Will and Meredith's driveway. She had been trying to call Sam for almost an hour, and Will had said to just come over and wait for him. But as she neared the driveway, she saw a black Jetta parked in it. It wasn't empty, she noticed. When she got closer, she smiled with relief� it was Sam.
She stood awkwardly next to the driver's-side door where Sam was sitting, waiting for him to notice her there. After a few awkward moments had passed, and he hadn't moved, she took a closer look at him. He looked worried and afraid. At first, she wondered what was wrong. She wondered if he was upset about the interview, and made a silent promise to find out who that woman was. But then, another thought occurred to her as she remembered how he had pulled back when they were on her desk that morning. He must be angry that she was so inexperienced. He had to wait for her, and she decided he deserved more than that. She swallowed the lump in her throat and knocked lightly on the car door window.
Sam jumped at the sound of Josie knocking on the window. He allowed himself to begin breathing again; realizing the reason his stomach was twisting in knots. Josie stepped back so that he could open the door.
"H- hi, Josie," Sam murmured as he stepped out of his car.
For a moment, they just stood there as the usual spell weaved around them. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you. I mean� I would have asked� I've been calling for a while and�" Josie said tensely.
Sam wrapped his arms around her suddenly and held her tight. He wasn't sure whether he was doing it to comfort himself or Josie. "I'm so glad you're here."
Josie loosened up with Sam's words, "Me too, Sam." Then, she became very conscious of Sam's warm, strong body so close her hers. She closed her eyes, concentrating on the heartbeats she felt coursing through her. She didn't know if they were Sam's or her own, and for a moment she wondered if they were connected; if she could ever leave his arms again.
Her chest heaved and she purred as Sam kissed the side of her neck softly. Sam's breath caught at the unexpected pleasure of Josie's little moan against his neck. He cleared his throat awkwardly and took a step back. "Do you want to go� somewhere?"
"Sure."
* * *
"Just pick one� I like them all. Maybe that's why I own them," Josie replied nervously to Sam, who was looking through her video collection.
She sat awkwardly on the edge of her couch, wondering where to sit� how to sit. She'd been thinking most of the afternoon about what she would do, but as the evening grew deeper into night, she could barely think straight she was so apprehensive. She knew Sam loved her� and she knew he didn't want to hurt her. So, she decided: he was trying to control his attraction to her, but she knew- -or hoped--that he wanted more than kisses. She loved Sam, and wanted him to be happy. 'Besides,' she thought, 'just kissing is amazing with Sam. Anyone would be glad to do� what I can do.' She had decided that this night was the night she would make it up to him. She would make up everything she had messed up before.
Her thoughts made her blush self-consciously. She arranged the pillows on her couch awkwardly as she listened to the man she loved sort through her many videos. Most of them were old movies. Quite a few were Jimmy Stewart movies. She was a huge fan, and had most of them. Of course, some were extremely hard to get� especially since he died two years ago.
"Quite the Jimmy Stewart fan, I see," Sam commented as he located her wide assortment. He thought to himself that she must have 35� maybe even 40 of them. He was a huge fan himself and as he gazed at the assortment, he smirked to himself. "One more thing we have in common."
"I know. What? You like Jimmy Stewart?" Josie asked, astonished. She'd never before met anyone her own age that liked the 1940s, 50s and since on actor. He had what Josie thought was an amazingly rare talent at putting emotions onto the screen that made her cry every time she saw one of his movies.
"Definitely! He's one of my favorite actors. I� I've never seen this one before," He replied, holding up a movie called, "Made For Each Other." Josie's heart thumped wildly. It reminded her of Sam. She had watched it over and over again since she's met him, hoping they would end up like the characters in the movie who got married and had children, overcoming obstacles many relationships have to go through. It was significant to her. Everything about it made her wish she was with Sam, and now she was. The name was so like the prom name she had come up with. It was no coincidence, either.
"'Made For Each Other'� I love that one. Do you want to watch it?"
"Sounds great!" Sam said, carrying over the Chinese take-out they had bought. Sam sat down on Josie's left-hand side. He swung his arm around her shoulder and handed her some of the Chinese food. He had already forgotten about the previous interview.
The credits opened. "James Stewart and Caroline Lombard," it read in large letters. Josie wiggled deeper into Sam's arms, loving the beginning scene.
Sam smiled as the movie started. He could barely believe he and Josie had even more in common. The opening scene showed Johnny Mason (James Stewart) telling his boss he had gotten married during the week that he was on business travel for him. He was an attorney, hoping to get excepted into the firm, but seemed to be overlooked despite his hard work.
One of the first scenes has Jane (Caroline Lombard) and Johnny going on a cruise for their honeymoon. It's an emotional scene as Johnny remembers what brought them together. He had removed a cinder from her eye the first time they'd met. "I should have kept that cinder. If I hadn't taken that out of your eye� if it weren't for that cinder, we never would have met." Johnny said.
Sam and Josie turned in each other's arms. They both knew what that cinder was for them. If it hadn't been for her assignment, they wouldn't have met. For a minute, if only for that minute, time stopped. Josie was inevitably swaying closer to Sam. Her mouth parted with anticipation for the kiss that she knew would come -- the kiss that always came; the one she couldn't stop even if she'd wanted to.
As their lips met for the first time in what Sam thought was equivalent to forever, he remembered once again why he couldn't control himself around her. Josie's lips were so soft� her kisses so sweet. He thought that he wouldn't be able to stand being without her ever again. She made everything in life worthwhile; she made him confident and happy.
He opened his eyes and leaned back a bit, putting a few inches of distance between them to study Josie. The minimal light in the room bounced off her skin and eyes. Her skin, oh God, her skin. Sam swallowed in disbelief as he felt her hands slid softly down his throat and shoulders, across his muscular chest and stomach. Caught up in emotions he had been bottling up, he erotically circled his tongue around hers, completely forgetting the vow he'd made to himself to not lose control. His hands reached for her breasts, and without thinking he started to unbutton her blouse.
A flame had ignited in her somewhere and Josie wasn't pretending any longer. When she felt Sam's hands on her breasts, her breathing increased making her chest heave and causing Sam's hands to rub along them as he attempted to unbutton her blouse.
"Oh Josie," Sam moaned as he revealed the upper curves of her breasts.
Josie's body stiffened when she felt Sam's lips on her cleavage. She knew she had to feel his body closer to hers, against hers � in hers. His eyes raised once again to hers, and she saw a deep longing in them.
Josie moaned loudly and leaned against him, but they forgot they were on Josie's couch, and Sam went over the edge, landing with Josie still on top of him on the carpeted floor. The drop only turned Sam on more � feeling Josie grip her legs around his waist to hold on.
Josie couldn't take any more. She could feel, beneath his shirt, his heart beating and his chest heaving slightly. She quickly unbuttoned Sam's shirt and removed it, tossing it somewhere in the distance. When she reached his undershirt, she rubbed both her hands swiftly down his muscular chest and when she reached the bottom of the shirt, her hands went inside, and made the journey back up Sam's chest, this time taking the thin shirt with them.
Sam experimented freely with his tongue, drawing circles and paths along her soft skin. A long moan escaped her lips as he paved a trail with his tongue down her throat and collarbone.
She watched, fascinated, as Sam quickly -- yet to Josie it seemed to be in slow motion -- lifted Josie's shirt up over her shoulders and threw it somewhere to his left. He'd meant to just toss it out of the way, but his body surged with strength, and the shirt went flying.
Within their own world, Sam and Josie didn't notice, at first, as the door to her apartment unlatched. But a stream of light entered from the doorway and they looked up to see someone standing there, gasping in shock.
* * *
To Be Continued�
* * *