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She was 25 years old.
Josie was 25 years old. And she was an undercover reporter. Sam wasn't sure he'd heard it right at first. But then, as he watched the emotions play across Josie's face as she launched into her rant on the superficiality of the crowd surrounding them, it hit him. His Josie, the woman he'd been about to confess he'd fallen in love with, was a 25-year old undercover reporter. His world felt like it was crashing down on him and he didn't know what to do to make it right again. All he knew was he had to get out of there, fast. Without even looking where he was going, he pushed through the crowd, oblivious to the stares he was getting from several students watching him leave. Josie's voice was ringing in his ears, creating a hollow feeling in his chest. She was 25 years old. She wasn't technically his student. She was of legal age. She was available. But she'd lied. To him. And he'd bought every word of it. He managed to make it to the entranceway of the building and slipped outside, taking deep breaths of the cool night air, hoping he'd wake up from this nightmare and things would be as they were before. He managed to sit down behind a relatively concealing plant before burying his head in his hands, shoulders stooped, the picture of absolute dejection. How could she have done this to him? How could he believe anything she'd ever said? Obviously she was trying to find a story, and lord knows, he'd probably done more than enough to contribute to that search. She'd probably been playing him the whole time. The 'innocent' Josie Geller, waiting for him to slip up, waiting for him to do something, anything that would get her a story. How could he have fallen for it? How could he have been so blind? The anger coursing through him was powerful, but it couldn't compare to the heartache he was feeling at the fact that he'd gone ahead and fallen in love with her anyway. Despite everything, he loved her. He tried to convince himself that maybe he'd been mistaken…maybe she really did feel something for him…maybe she hadn't been lying about her feelings…maybe… But no. There were too many maybes. He couldn't let himself believe anything he'd seen in her eyes, or heard in her voice. She was a reporter, probably skilled in the ways of deception, luring susceptible men into her web, getting them to fall in love with her, getting her teacher to fall in love with her none the less, then ripping the whole thing apart in the headlines. How could he have been so stupid? He fought back the wave of pain those thoughts were causing him. He still couldn't believe his innocent, sweet, funny, shy and charming Josie…was nothing like what she'd told him. How could one so sweet and charming be a hard nosed reporter, ready to sniff out the dirt in every situation? How could someone play that innocence as well as she had? How could anyone not have believed her act? God, she was good though, she'd managed to fool him, fool everyone. He supposed that was the trick of the good reporter, but why at his expense? Why at the expense of his career, his life, not to mention his heart. She'd deliberately led him on, knowing she was lying. And he'd bought it, he'd wanted to believe it. Maybe that made him the fool. He felt his heart fall again as he heard her soft footsteps behind him, and geared himself up to confront her. Everything in him was screaming for her to deny everything, except the emotions he'd read in her eyes. Surely, he couldn't have been wrong about those… "Please tell me you got something on Coulson…" The voice was the final nail in the coffin. His heart sank to a new low as he heard someone who was obviously Josie's contact confirm his worst fears. She was using him. For a story. Everything was lies. He hadn't known what it was like to feel true heartache until now. A numbness came over him at this point, and he knew he had to deal with this situation now, before he completely shut down. Slowly, he rose from his seat, hearing the voices halt as he turned to face Josie and the tall black man standing next to her. He told his heart to get over the sadness and despair he could read in the slump of her figure, the tears glittering on her cheeks, the raw pain in her eyes, pain he could read even from this distance. But he hardened his heart as he saw her pale and step slightly towards him, the black man slinking off into the shadows. "So…surprise…" he heard her say quietly as she approached him with a tentative smile. He felt his heart ripped to shreds again as he made himself respond in a cool tone. "Surprise what? Surprise you were doing a story on me?" he managed, fighting everything in him that told him to take her in his arms again and make all their pain go away. "No…I couldn't…" she started, obviously wanting to explain, but suddenly, he didn't want to hear it. Knew he couldn't hear it, or his resolve would weaken and he'd give into the urge to comfort her, to forgive her, to believe her. "You used me," he managed hoarsely, steeling himself against the pain his words brought to her eyes. "Everything you said was a lie…nothing was true…you used me…" he managed again, fighting the emotion that was threatening to engulf him. It was only made harder by the pain he could see etched into Josie's eyes. He didn't want to see that pain, couldn't deal with it right now. He didn't want to believe she was hurting as much as he was…couldn't believe it. Not after all the lies. He had to leave. He managed to turn and begin to walk away, stopping only as he heard her plaintive cry to 'not walk away from her.' He stopped, then slowly turned around, willing everything in him to go numb, willing himself to blind his eyes to the abject despair and pain he saw in her lovely face, willed his own torn emotions and broken heart to stay hidden behind the veil of his eyes. "I just can't look at you the same way," he managed, before turning and striding away, refusing to look back, deafening himself to the sounds of her muffled sobs. His heart was breaking in two and he could feel a tear slip down his cheek as he strode off into the darkness. Josie Geller had accomplished one thing in her quest for a story…the knowledge of how to break a heart. He knew it would take him a long time to get over that…get over her. But he couldn't afford to stay here. Not now. Which meant he had to leave. He couldn't bear to teach in that classroom now, not with the memories of her all around him. Couldn't bear to visit the places they'd been, knowing he'd see her ghost all around him. He had to make a clean break. He had to leave. He finally made it to a secluded area off the main path, out of sight and earshot of anyone, and dropped to the ground, too tired and too heart sick to walk any further. As he collapsed to the earth, he finally let lose the sobs he'd been trying so hard to contain. His heart was broken. All his dreams, his hopes, shattered.So he wept, alone and cold, in the darkness, knowing his life would never be the same.
* * * (I know, depressing, but it had to be written…we get better as we go on.) Next Installment Back to Stories Page