Day 14 and 3/4, Tuesday Night.
The Malfoys show off very smug smiles at dinner. By now Black and Lupin have heard the entire tale, two times over.
Ron: (pointing accusingly at Draco) He lured me in, I tell you! I couldn't help but take a swipe at him.
Draco: Oh please, Weasel.
Dumbledore(chuckles): You do make him sound like an old loreley, Ron..
Draco: A what?
Lupin(getting up to put plate in sink): siren of the German persuasion. Not very common around here.
Lucius: Ah, Mr. Lupin - while you're up-
Lupin(cheerfully): No, I am not getting you an ice cream sandwich, Mr. Malfoy.
Black(to Malfoy): You have a lot of nerve.
Lucius(still talking to Lupin): You can have one too.
Dumbledore: Learning how to share - these must be desperate times, Lucius..
Lupin(playing along): I can have one!? Ohhh, I don't know now.. Honor and dignity or an ice cream sandwich?
Tonks: Oh give it up -we can steal some later!
Black: The levels of immorality in this house are absolutely appalling.
Tonks: You're one to complain!
Hermione(aside to Draco): I think we'll all take one. There won't be any left for you two.
Draco: Honestly, Granger, you'd think I had really insulted you today... (smiles obnoxiously) I'm glad to hear it.
Hermione: (balls her fist around her fork threateningly)
Lucius: Draco, I think we shall have to keep an extra eye on the refrigerator tonight..
Black(grin): I think so too.
Harry and Ron glance at each other from across the table; the mischief is almost palpable.
Later in the evening, we find the Malfoys playing cards at the kitchen table. It seems to be quite the high-stakes game (perhaps ice cream is on the line). They sit across from one another, hunched forward aggressively. Lucius stares icily over his hand at Draco as he considers his next move. Draco returns the glare challengingly. Long pause.
Lucius: ....... any sevens?
Draco(squints viciously at his hand, then slowly the grimace turns into a devilish grin): ...........go fish.
Lucius: Damn. (reaches for deck)
Just then, Sirius Black enters at the door near the refrigerator. The two stop and slowly turn to him.
Black: Yes? (hovering suspiciously around the refrigerator)
Lucius: What are you doing, Mr. Black?
Black: Aren't you two tired yet?? It's nearly 11:30..
Lucius: I wish I were tired, then I'd be preparing for bed, not playing muggle card games with this little demon.
Draco: (smug grin)
Black: Oh, you should be proud, Mr. Malfoy, he's just like his old man.
Lucius(drolly): Yes, that's what i'm afraid of.
Black: So! I'll just, eh (opens freezer door) take a littl-
Lucius: (on his feet, wand aimed directly at Black, voice deathly threatening) Touch it, Black, and you're dead.
Black(slowly backs away from refrigerator, hands in air): You're not foolhardy enough to use that wand.....
Lucius: and yet you are not foolhardy enough to tempt me...
Black: Welllll.... It's been a long day, I guess I'll just retire then! (backs out of kitchen, hands still in air; Pause as Lucius settles back to the game.)
Lucius: Where was I? It was your turn.. But someone had to defend the stores..
Draco(as if this is routine): That's all very well and good... but it doesn't change the fact that you're hiding a pair of jacks over there..
Lucius: Did you look while I was distracted by him?!
Draco: No, you asked me for jacks two rounds ago.
Lucius (sharp intake of breath as he reaches for the cards)
Upstairs in Bedroom number two:
Lupin is reading quietly on his bed; Snape is reading quietly on his bed. Enter Black.
Black: What is this - a bloody library?
Snape(looks up): Have you no tolerance for books? - How did you ever pass the first year, Black?
Black: All natural talent (grins winningly)
Snape(nose back in the book): ...insufferable.
Lupin(leans over to look down): I take it from your cheerful entrance that you were successful.
Black(snorts): Malfoy threatened to kill me if I touched the ice cream.
Lupin: hm. Any sign that they might vacate the vicinity in the near future??
Black: Not even. They're playing some sort of muggle card game.
Snape(looks up again, eyes narrowed): muggle card game? hm...
Lupin: That's right, Severus - you can surely blackmail them with that.
Snape(thoughtfully): Yes, that might be worth... preserving..
(Enter Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Tonks)
Hermione: Ok, did you get one, Sirius?
Black: Not quite! Malfoy threatened to kill me.
Snape: We've gone from library to preschoolers convention.. Can't you plan your pranks elsewhere?
Black: This is OUR room too, you know. And you're outnumbered.. (counts) six to one.
Lupin(cheerfully): Yes, and if you'll roll over and die, we can even use your bed for a bench!
Snape(glares up at him): That was low, even from you, Lupin.
Lupin: I was joking, of course. You should really just get over it and help us like-- (glances to door, lowers voice) like a good .. colleague.
Snape: I-
(The three students are suspicious of this idea, but Tonks brightens)
Tonks: He's got a point, you know. They'll give you an ice cream sandwich.
Snape: Perhaps one, not six. As if I would ever ask for one..
Lupin: Not a problem - you'll just have to make up something... You know -(waves hand absently as he thinks) -- all this time your apparent hatred for sweets has been just a thin facade, a veneer intended to complement your persona of "Evil Potions Master Who Has No Soul." But! the continual mention of ice cream and the cramped quarters have gotten the better of your will power despite your best attempts at resistance - and it has brought you to this: you will stop at nothing to have your secret desire! YOU MUST HAVE ICE CREAM SANDWICHES! - NOW!! And no less than SIX will fulfill your passionate craving!!
(black, tonks, and the kids are trying to remain straight-faced; but snape has folded his arms petulantly.)
Snape: ...........full moon in two days?
Lupin: heh..
Snape: Fine. (stands up abruptly) Potter. You will help me.
Harry: u - I??
Snape: Come. (stalks out. Harry turns to the others confused)
Ron: Don't go - it's a trap.
Black: Be careful he doesn't use you as bait, Harry. (gives him a paternal pat on the shoulder) But I trust you can take care of things.
Harry: Ok... (exit)
It's nearly midnight, and since all have retired except the Malfoys, the first floor is quite dark. AS they creep down the stairs, Harry whispers to Snape..
Harry: ... why.. why'd you pick me, Professor?
Snape: You're in the habit of sneaking and stealing and not being caught.
(they approach the kitchen; Snape glances in, frowns)
Snape: I will distract them.. You will wait at least five minutes, then take the ice cream..
Harry: ... I liked Professor Lupin's plan better.
Snape: That would require too much drama on my part.
Harry: So instead I have to make the effort-?
Snape(glances back in, muttering).... cold feet, Potter..
Harry: Go on then! (adds quickly) Professor..
Snape enters the kitchen.
Lucius: Severus - you're still awake..
Snape: Who knows - perhaps I had a craving for ice cream.
(the Malfoys laugh; Snape walks over to inspect the table)
Snape: What are you doing?
Draco: Some muggle card game that the Dark Lord taught me. It's rather boring, but don't tell him that.
Snape: If he endorses it, I must play. (sits) show me.
(Within two minutes, Snape is involved in the game with them; Harry watches nervously from the doorway, hidden safely in the shadows)
Lucius: Do you have any threes, Severus..?
Snape: No.
Lucius: Too bad..(takes card)
Draco: Do you have any fives, Professor?
Snape: Are you two ganging up on me?
Draco: ...do you?
Snape: Insistent ... yes, I do.. (hands him a card)
Draco: ...and.... Do you have any...... (makes a show of thinking hard) fours?
Snape: (frowns) Perhaps..
Draco: You do, don't you?
Lucius: Are you going to be difficult, Severus?
Snape: I just.. noticed there's a four now.. (hands him another card)
Draco: annnnnnnnnnnnd a queen?
Snape: You saw my hand..
Draco: I'm just good at guessing.
Snape: This would be the second time you were caught cheating in one night, Mr. Malfoy...
Draco: I didn't see your hand, Professor Snape.
Lucius: I've been watching, and he didn't.
Snape(angrily): You couldn't possibly watch - you've been too busy worrying about your own hand! unless you're in on this too!!
Lucius: I'm not-
Snape(crescendo of fury): Another tag-team effort on part of the Malfoys! I see it now -- "I'll distract him while you sneek a peek at his cards, my boy- then we can have a good laugh at the fool later!" -- I know how you train him, Lucius -- It's another ROUTINE card game for you two! Doesn't matter what deck you're playing with as long as you cheat your colleague!!!
Lucius: Severus now, be reasonable--
Snape: (on his feet, towering in rage) But don't think I haven't noticed it!! I will not participate in your tricky little schemes any longer!! (they are both staring at him wide-eyed; Harry realizes this is his chance, and sneaks to the refrigerator) You cannot cheat Severus Snape so easily as you can a Weasley or that fool Potter!! (Harry scowls at the mention of his name; Snape grabs the cards out of Draco's hand - the youth is horrified, of course; Lucius reaches out defensively) NOW they both attack! SEE! - NO! I SHALL NOT BE HAD!! (Throws the cards up in a dizzying mess - both Malfoys duck and cover their heads as he swats violently at the cards with one hand, reaches for his wand with the other. He glances over to the refrigerator, where Harry is watching open-mouthed, arms full of sandwiches. Snape raises one eyebrow. Harry takes the hint and runs out. Snape sits down peaceably again.) Well.. or I could have jumped to conclusions.
Draco(looks up first): ... er.... it's rather late... (smooths out his hair)
Snape: Not that late..... I suppose we can start another hand, then?
Lucius(eyes narrow): Who's cheating now?
Snape(play of a grin at his mouth): I couldn't possibly lose to a student in such a pathetic manner...
Lucius: That was quite the impressive display.. I hope you didn't wake the Dark Lord.
Snape: If only he had seen it...
Back upstairs, Harry returns triumphantly with the ice cream sandwiches.
Tonks: WOW! Good time, Harry!
Harry: yes...
Black: You look exhilarated - what happened?
Lupin(still on bed): Yes - did Severus play out the wonderful monologue I crafted for him?
Harry: No - it was worse - he sat down and played cards with them.. Then got all mad about Draco cheating
Hermione: cheating again!
Ron: I'll kill him!
(Harry explains as he hands out the sandwiches)
Harry: I don't know - I think Snape was faking it the whole time.. but he worked himself into such a rage -- It was... Terrible. They were scared!
Tonks(laughs): I'd be scared too, I think!
Harry(munching on sandwich): But it was funny - before we went in, I said that I liked Professor Lupin's plan better than the one he recommended.. then he said that would require too much drama on his part!
Lupin: Yes, he's been teaching you how long and you've never noticed the irony?
Ron: Not when it's directed at us!
Hermione: Well I don't care.. the Malfoys have been pranked, and Snape isn't here.
Black: Worth celebrating on both accounts! Cheers!