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The Bathroom Story, from Fall 1998.

by Tom Taylor ([email protected])
www.geocities.com/natlgeo
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So, my old partner (from my last job at the port) and I went to lunch together today.
When I returned to the office, there was, lo and behold, food set out!
Someone was leaving or something from work- who cares - there was food! Anyway, after my
second lunch, I went to the restroom to wash my hands and face.

I noticed that one of the stall doors was closed, which means
that someone had to go in there and poot after their lunch didn't agree
with them. Well, I usually make it a habit to get the hell out ASAP
when someone is in a stall - I don't want to stick around for the odor,
I don't want to know who it is, and mainly, if I hear a funny noise, I
don't want to burst out laughing.

This time, however, I was using a technique that my friend taught me. It's called
take-your-sweet-assed-time-washing-and-drying-your-hands-so-that-the-guy-in-the-stall-is-tortured-by-holding-it-in,
remaining-hidden-until-you-are-gone, or cannot-hold-it-any-longer-and-drops-a-bomb-over-Tokyo.

So, I was drying my face and hands, and then I hear this
"ppphhhhhhhhhtttttt"-hornlike squawklike noise from the stall.
It was hilarious and I felt the laughter coming on, so I got out as quick as I could.
I was on my way out, in the airlock (what I call the area between the inner and outer
doors to the restroom), when I heard a louder, even more violent noise.
I escaped past the outer airlock door into the hall. I was starting to
laugh, but held it so well. Then again, I only made about twenty feet before I erupted into laughter.
I was laughing so hard that I had to lean against the wall. I laughed
even more at the thought of someone walking up on me in the middle of an
officeless hallway laughing my bahonkus off.

Anyway, I managed to regain some composure in order to walk back in to
my particular office. I underscored to myself the urgency of walking
past the two secretaries in a controlled manner. Well, I managed to
pass by with just a red face and a big grin - which one of the secs
thought was because I had passed by her twice within 5 minutes - which
made me start to laugh again. Anyway, I made it to my desk, and was
okay. For about one minute. And then it started. I just could not
stop laughing! Fortunately, the two people who work on either side of
me had still not returned from lunch (which made me laugh about the
goofy place I work). I just leaned back in the chair and let it roll.
I was trying to laugh quietly, so that the secretaries fifteen feet away
would not hear me. But, I was quietly laughing so hard that an
occasional gasp or sob would escape, making it sound like I was crying.

I can only wonder what they thought, as no one ever peeked around the
partition at me. Ahhh, it felt so good to have a laugh like that! I
could not remember the last time I had laughed so hard. I kept thinking
how incredibly silly or immature I would have looked in some serious
meeting where all the old smokers have stone faces. And how I still
would not have been able to stop laughing. After several more minutes
of goofiness, I was able to pretend to get back to work. A fine facade
that was, as I was able to maintain it for the rest of the day.

-Tom