At least 47 Honors Students, Class Council Members aware of Inequity, "Drastic Temperature Changes."

At last Tuesday’s board of Education meeting, an assemblage of honors students, student and class council members, nerds, dorks, and sexy bitches (including this issue’s Page 7 Hottie) gathered to express their sudden disgust over board policy regarding totally screwing over Middletown North in favor of the bourgeois snobs at Middletown South.

The numerous speakers pretended they didn’t know why the school populated by rich children got preference, but there was a palpable sense of “THEY WERE BRIBED!” in the air.

Over the course of the night, speaker after speaker took the podium, each tearing the Board a new ass hole. When the orgy of stating what should have been obvious was over, Board members ducked out to apply Preparation-H and to smoke crack.

Board may attempt to cross Parking Lot

As the Board of Education Administration Building is right across the parking lot, many angry mommies, honor students wondered why the Man hadn’t already been aware of North’s numerous foibles.

“We need to set an example for our district’s many little children,” said Board President Pat Walsh. “If they [stupid little children] see their Board members crossing small deserted parking lots willy-nilly, the tykes might try it, too, and get plastered to the front of a Mack truck.”

Middletown Superintendent Jack “the Body” DeTalvo promised to cross the parking lot if a North administrator would hold his hand and if his mommy said it was okay.

No inkling of Reform… Ever.

In his wordy and obfuscatory rebuttal, Superintendent DeTalvo insinuated that technology classrooms would be put in gyms and the bubble would stay up until it sinks into the mud. He also noted that the Hitler-cloning program was going well.