The disturbing results of an unscientific NATIONAL LIAR poll show that an overwhelming majority of those surveyed believe that our nations children are fumming morons.

Talk Show Psychologist Nikita Drippindrool, of Jerry Springer fame, attributed the obvious stupidity of minors to vampires who spread a "stupiding disease." When asked about the obvious metaphor, Dr. Drippindrool responded, "Duh, whatsa metaphor? A funny word? You boys better stop drinkin'. It's goin' to your heads."