It started like a fairy tale: gallant rogue members of a delegation to the United Nations bravely stealing a weapon whose power, quite frankly, is dubious. But, then, across the fairy tale facade of these events, a dark, hideous tentacled shadow was cast. This shadow, was of course, an alium.

The home of Dmitri Hakhenkhov, after his arrest, was searched for the cream cheese gun. It was nowhere to be found. Investigators were seriously considering giving up and going to drink their failure away in a local pub when the call came in that the gun had been found.

Investigators hurried to the scene, where they discovered a hideous monster clutching the cream cheese gun. The monster, later identified as the Monster Child who had been missing from Area 51, had taken hostages and was demanding passage off the planet.

While negotiators nervously tried to explain that shuttle launches cost more money than the local police budget could afford, a crack team of officers snuck up behind the hideous monster child and tried to recover the gun.

They failed miserably and soon the street was covered with delicious cream cheese as the Monster Child opened fired on the police. "It was awful," said Andrew Edelman, a dude who just happened to be walking by. "There was delicious cream cheese everywhere!"

The alium, having depleted its delicious ammunition, turned itself over the the police and now awaits trial. The hostages came away confused as to why a cream cheese gun would be threatening but uninjured, save for a few allergic reactions to the low quality government cheese used in the gun.