AREA 51-- Soviet spies have stolen secret US government documents describing tests on gummy bears conducted at Area 51. These tests indicate that some gummy bears may not be safe for human consumption.

To insure your safety, be sure to follow these procedures for a safe gummy bear experience.

• If the gummy bear is bubbling do not consume. Report it to the poison control center immediately,

• If the gummy bear is threatening you or your family, call the local police.

• In the event of the rapid heating of your gummy bear, both in heat and in gamma radiation, seek cover immediately at a distance of at least four thousand miles.

• If the gummy bear is speaking with a Russian accent and advocates the spread of Communism, report the bear and his associate immediately to the F.B.I..

If these steps are execute carefully and safely, the danger to your family during the consumption of delicious gummy bears will be minimal.