WASHINGTON, D.C.&emdash; At long last, the revolutionary forces of the Cows have finally captured Washington in a bloody battle last week/ faced with the prospect of the downfall of the government, known affectionately if inaccurately as the "free world," the capitol was moved to Alaska, where, according to a speech made by the president, "All the fumming cows will freeze like the wretched yummy-tasting vermin they are!"

Responding to the obvious ethnic slur, the leader of the Bovine forces, Chaircow Bessy, responded with a thinly veiled reference to cows eating humans in hamburgers.

Also in his speech, the president, in the temporary capitol, encouraged the people of the United States and any "humanity-loving" nation of the world to eat as much beef as possible and to do so as flamboyantly as possible.

The Cows have been attempting to take over the world for the past month now. In addition to possessing over one hundred million trained troops, the cows possess a terrible doomsday superweapon which, thus far, at this time, has not been used.