| OOC Theater P3 |
| Posted by Gerug: And now... ...it's time... ...for... ...The Gerug Show! With Gerug's special guests... ... Oh, wait - everybody left within the last half hour, didn't they? Um... on tonight's episode, Gerug impersonates some of Garic's City's greatest icons for their special renditions of the works of William Shakespeare! Cut to first impression - Gerug as a certain bartender. Cog: Is this a dagger I see before me? Cut to Gerug as Narn playing a lute. Narn: If music be the food of love, play on. A dart lodges in the instrument - hey, Gerug's not as crazy as some musicians, you know! Cut to Gerug playing Treble, acting out the fantasy of most professional critics. Treble: The rest is silence. Cut to Gerug as Kywyn, wandering among the graves. Kywyn: If these shadows have offended... Cut to Gerug as Esgir. Esgir: I am but mad north by northwest... Oh, who am I kidding! Cut to Gerug as Arnor, doing a poor job of carving a pig and wearing an apron reading Kiss the Cook. Arnor: Did my heart love 'til now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty 'til this night! Cut immediately to a rather repulsed - and somewhat repulsive - Gerug as NaShae. NaShae: Adieu, and take thy praise with thee to heaven. Sound of a very heavy blade falling. NaShae: The course of true love never did run smooth. Cut to Gerug as Treble again. Treble: He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again. As Arnor. Arnor: Ahem! Cut to Gerug as NaShae, and then as Treble. Both: :uh huh: Cut to Gerug as Lowlife Half-orc: L.L. Ho: In nay-chur, der' is no blemush but duh mind, none can be called deform'd but duh unkind. And many, many more! |
| Posted by Redrik: Arnor: Nashae! NaShae: Arnor! Arnor: Oh, Nashae! NaShae: Oh, Arnor! The door flies open, and Ryo enters the scene! NaShae: Oh, no! It's my husband! Arnor: You're married?! NaShae: Hey, it's a suprise to me too, this is supposed to be IC! Redrik: How you doin? *winks * *pinches NaShae* NaShae: *winks * Ryo: DIE! Arnor: DIE! |
| Posted by Aria: Meanwhile, back in the Goblin Thread..... (My own version of VLH theater) Esgir: Are we there yet? Ivan: I'm hungry! NaShae: I've gonna go to the bathroom! Aria: Bradachin keeps kicking me! Bradachin: Did not! Aria: Did too! Cog: You're looking sexy, Aria... Mystic: IF YOU KIDS DON'T SHUT UP, I'M GONNA TURN THIS THREAD AROUND!!!!! Thank you! |
| Posted by Gerug: This is the story of Kari Bear and the Three Locks. Once upon a time there was a rogue named Kari Bear, because she sometimes wanted to maul her DMs horribly for making her hibernate for long periods. During one of her waking periods, she found herself in a rich neighbourhood, and decided that it was time for a little payback. But all of the buildings were locked, and Kari Bear was sooooooo sad. But being a plucky thief, and the heroine of this story, she decided to check them anyway. But the first lock was too hard, and she didn't have the right tools to open it. And the second lock was too old, and the rust in it made it impossible to properly manipulate even her best lockpicks. But the third one was juuuuuuust right. And she would have lived happily ever after, except that shanks was her DM. The End. |
| Posted by Gerug: Roving Reporter: Daron Haldar, in the past few weeks you've resigned from the guard, set up your own guild, and lead maddened halflings through the streets of Garic's City in a quest to, in Mr. Woodhome's own words, "brighten things up a little." What are you going to do now? (Daron Haldar faints dead away.) Roving Reporter: Uncle Walt's not going to like this... MISTER WOODHOME! You've just saved the city from undead devastation! What are you going to do now? (Hermy is half-way across the city, having fled with a start at hearing his name declared with such force.) Roving Reporter: Sighs... Mr. Treble, now that the Shadow menace is gone... Shadow: Who says I'm gone? :evil grin: Roving Reporter: :uh huh: That's it, I'm done for today. (Roving Reporter exeunts) Kal-Zakkath: Why doesn't anybody ask me questions? Cog: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY INN?! :mad: Kal-Zakkath: Never mind. :blush: |
| Posted By Gerug: We see Kari open the next door. Behind it is... Daron Haldar: Hi! Kari: GYAHHH! What the frell are you doing here? Daron Haldar: Can't a former guard captain appear unexpectedly in a danger-frought shrine to dark forces without arousing your suspicion? Kari: I guess so... .oO(Besides it will let me finally grab his money pouch.) Daron: Sorry, can't help you there - all of my funds are tied up in the Silver Swords guildhouse - and related merchandise. Kari: Related merchandise? Daron: Well, sure! I've got a whole action figure line worked out! Not sure what Hermy meant by "Kung Fu Grip" though... We were going to get various market dwellers to sell them, but then Hermy asked, "Who cut into our profits?" so we're just auctioning them off on E-bay. Kari: And you call me a thief. Daron: No, I call you a rogue. But I no longer have to arrest you, so you can relax about that, and no longer worry about the fact that I seem able to read your thoughts earlier in this message. Kari: Riiiiight. So why are you here really? Daron: Are you in big trouble right now? Kari: Does stumbling across the headquarters of an evil cult count as trouble? Daron: Do all avenues of escape seem cut off right now? Kari: That would be a yes. Daron: Is this line of questioning getting tedious? Kari: Do your mind reading skills tell you that I'm going to push you down the stairs if you ask me another inane question? Daron: ... Kari: Now. What. Do. You. WANT? Daron: I have just the thing for you! Your very own HALFLING! (Daron Somehow manages to produce Hermy from underneath his cloak) Kari: :uh huh: Hermy: I thought we were going to find Miss NaShae. Daron: Halflings are your answer to every problem... Hermy: Especially if it involves pie! Daron: There is no prison that can hold them, no beast that can... Hermy: I like pie. Kari: And you're telling me this works? Daron: Hey, there's no way I'd have survived all last we- I mean, night without the little guy! Kari: but won't you be helpless without him? (Daron suddenly produces Weehawk from out of nowhere. Daron: I always carry a spare. Kari: :rolleyes: How much? Daron: A third share of what you find here. Kari: That's outrageous! No way! Hermy: I'll pay half! Daron: Hermy, don't bid on yourself! Kari: Two-thirds, for the halfling! Daron: ... Never mind... |
| Posted by Gerug: Next time on Kari and Kakodemmion... Evil High Priest: Well, now, Kari... it appears that we have a dilemma, hmm? What are we to do with you? (Hermy pops out of the false top of the altar.) Hermy: Ooooh! I know! I know! She can make pie! shanks: :mad: NO OUTSIDE INTERVENTION!!! (An autographed edition ofThe Things Players Do to Get Themselves Killed by shanks, 6300 engraved gold pages in a lead bound tome, drops from on high, crushing the halfling.) EHP: :uh huh: Now, as I was saying... (We hear a doorbell ring. Cut to the front entrance, where we see Natala carrying a tray covered with cookie boxes.) shanks: :mad: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Natala: Trying out a sideline business. Spirit Guide Cookies? shanks: YOU AREN'T HERE! (A massive bronze statue of Arnor, with a plaque at the bottom reading, "IN MEMORY OF MY FIRST PLAYER KILL," falls on Natala, driving her through the ground beneath it.) shanks: WHO'S NEXT? Weehawk: Hiloo! :D shanks: RIGHT! CUE THE FLASHBACK SEQUENCE! (Weehawk is dogpiled by forty guards. The crunching of bones and screams are most disconcerting. Even the EHP looks uncomfortable.) shanks: ANYONE ELSE? Kywyn: Nope. Treble: Nuh-uh. Aria: Forget it! My agent mentioned none of this! I'm outta here! |
 |
| Posted by Gerug: We see Kywyn walking the misty streets, lost in thought. Kywyn: Am I cursed to forever walk alone? Oh, Natala: You are the sun, I am the moon, You are the words, I am the tune, Play me! :uh huh: Where did that come from? I swear, I haven't been myself since Arnor returned to NaShae. Oh, NaShae: You don't give me love, You give me pale shelter, You don't give me love, You give me cold hands, And nothing ever... what am I doing? How did this happen? Have I not been cursed enough? This is so unlike me! What is: This is the song that doesn't end, It just goes on and on my friend, Some people starting singing it, Not knowing what it... has to stop! :mad: Arghhh! I'm going mad! I'm... I'm... I'm just a love machine, and I... must... fight... I... I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I've started fighting for... ...for crying out loud! No, dont! Don't... Don't cry out loud! Just keep it inside! And learn how to hide your feelings! Feelings! Whoa, whoa, whoa, feelings! ARGHHH! Make up your mind - pick a tune already, at least! It's like I've become some sort of... shanks: Karaoke machine? Kywyn: YEAH! Oh... no... shanks: One more time... :evil grin: |
| Posted by Gerug: Gerug: Today on Mimes in Garic's City, Slagar and Treble will be reenacting Cog and Aria's famous "Dagger" scene. Now, which of you will be playing the part of Aria? Slagar: He is! Treble: He is! Gerug: Okay, then the part of Cog will be played by... Treble: On second thought, I can play Aria! Slagar: Not a chance! Aria is mine! Aria: Ahem! .oO(Oh, yes, I definitely like this agent better...) Weehawk: :D Slagar: Er, I just meant... Aria: Yes, yes, Slagar, you're forgiven. Gerug, maybe you should start with a less... stressful... first scene? Gerug: Very well. Alright, your pantomime will be the reading Natala gave Kywyn... Slagar: :uh huh: Treble: You sure you're not shanks? |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
| Posted By Gerug: A forest glade, where we see our heroes gathered in a meeting of great importance. NaShae: Well, I'm off, darlings! Arnor, my bags! Arnor: At once, my mistress. Ivan: But, but ye cannae leave now! NaShae: And why not? Ivan: You've got top billing! NaShae: Well, maybe somebody should have thought about that before they cut all of my fight sequences! Redrik: Lady, I've gone through five personal trainers trying to make you look good- NaShae: Arnor, sweetie - is there a time I don't look good? Arnor: Never, my queen! Redrik: You know very well what I mean! You wouldn't even hold the sword properly! NaShae: Well, I'm sorry, but I can't risk getting calluses, you know? Aria: But you can't leave now, NaShae! Please. My agent- NaShae: Is shanks. Aria: No, no - he sold my contract back to Weehawk when he resigned. NaShae: Weehawk? Aria: Yes, Weehawk! He's always- NaShae: He's dead. Aria: What? But how? Why? Lowlife: He jus' wuldn' give up the contrac', y'knaow? Aria: You mean? Lowlife: Yup. :evil grin: Lowlife starts to pack his bags. Aria: You're leaving too? Lowlife: Yup. Aria: You got room for one more, NaShae? Darkar: Two more? Slagar: Three more? Esgir: How about four? NaShae: Four only. But I'm sorry, Esgir, Ivan asked first. Ivan: But- NaShae shoots the dwarf an imperious look. Ivan: ... Esgir: But he didn't... NaShae: Arnor, am I ever wrong? Arnor: Never, my pulchritudinous inspriation. NaShae: ... Arnor, do you even know what "pulchritudinous" means? And is it even a word? Arnor: Not a clue, my queen. NaShae: You've been listening to Cog again, haven't you? Arnor: Er... NaShae: You do notice that he's not coming with us, either, don't you? Arnor: (counts on his fingers for a minute) ...Yeeees, my mistress. NaShae: Did you wonder why? Arnor: I would never think to question you, my... my... pretty lady? NaShae pats his cheek condescendingly. NaShae: That's better. And just, "my queen" will do. Now, grab the bags! Arnor: Yes, my queen. Redrik: If you walk now, you'll never work in this t- in this forest again! NaShae: Honey, these hicks don't know a star when they see one. Too small an audience here for one of my stature anyway. Ciao! And so, another glorious adventure ends. |
|
| Posted By Gerug: A halfling walks into a bar... Marroc: So, boyo, I heard tell you were huntin' giants hereabouts. Hermy: Sure was, and I did great! I even got to keep the heads! Marroc: But I thought there was only one! Hermy: Oh, no - Mr. Henry didn't have enough, so I had to bring my own. It took a while to beat them all though - those ragers are tough! And Mr. Broadfoot was no help - he kept trying to stop me from helping Mr. Henry! Marroc: But... you... you mean you killed your entire party? But... but what about the farmers? Hermy: Oh, they were all giants too - couldn't let them escape either, or they'd have eaten everything on the farm. |
| Posted By Gerug: The Silver Sword Adventurers' Guild - Cassius Gaia enters the hall and sees Daron Haldar seated at a table. Cassius: Daron! Giants have invaded the north reaches! Daron: This sounds like our kind of work! Alas, I am still recovering from the pummeling I took from that disgruntled gnome we met the other day. I still say he looked ceramic from the back... Cut to a later scene - this time it is Kal-Zakkath who enters Daron's company Kal: Daron! There are goblins pouring up from the sewers! Daron: I'd love to help, but I'm afraid I hurt my sword arm painting the sign over the door last week... Still later, and now Hermy enters the room Hermy: You won't believe it, Mr. Hildeer! I finally found the vampire! Daron: .oO(You got that right.) Oh, Hermy, if only I had not burned my hand making pies for you this morning, I'd... Hermy: No, wait - I got it wrong. He found me. :evil grin: Daron recoils in horror from the fanged halfling, who advances as menacingly as a halfling in red pants can. Hermy: No one can save - did you say pie? And thus was the Silver Sword Guild saved by the initiative and dedication of Daron Haldar. |