| OOC Theater |
| Posted by Lowlife Half-Orc: Goblins � This time its war� (and the quotes were truly random, so don't take offence at what lines I give you, ok?) In the woods, if there is nobody around to hear it, do you get to scream? Prelude: Bradachin: Redrik, we have to talk. We�ve lost contact with the elves in the northern woods. Redrik: I don�t believe this! You guys throw me to the wolves, and now you want me to go back in there? Redrik: Just tell me one thing. Were going out there to destroy them, right? Not to interrogate them, or to bring them back, but to wipe them out! Bradachin: That�s the plan. You have my word on it. Redrik: Alright. I�m in. Later, in the woods. The party awakes: Cog: Another Glorious day in the woods! A day adventuring is like a day in the bar! Every meal a banquet, every treasure a fortune, every formation a parade! I love adventuring! Arnor points at Redrik: Who is the ranger? Nashae: He�s supposed to be some kind of specialist. Apparently, he saw a goblin once! Esgir: Hey, I�m impressed! Arnor: I only need to know one thing! Where... they... are! Cog: Allright Sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Darkar: I hate this job! At breakfast: Aria goes of to practice some swordwork. Ivan: Looks like Cog�s new girlfriend is too good to eat with the rest of us grunts. Redrik points at Lowlife: What�s He doing here? Cog: What? Redrik: I don�t like half orcs! Lowlife: I prefer the term �half human� myself. Bradachin: Redrik�s last trip out, the half orc went crazy. Their were problems, and� a few deaths were involved. Lowlife: Ahh, most half orcs are Chaotic! But with my Neutral Good alignment, it is impossible for me to harm a human being! Esgir: How do I get out of this Clockwork Chicken outfit? On the way to the fortress. Redrik: How many battles is this for you, Aria? Aria: 38. Training fights. Arnor: How many real battles? Aria: Uh, one. Including this one. Cog: We�re a team, and there�s nothing to worry about. We come here, and we gonna conquer, and we gonna kick some. Is that understood? Redrik: Whats in those vials? Aria: Alchemists fire! Redrik: Won�t that start a forest fire? Aria: So? So what? Redrik: :mad: Aria: Ok, we won�t use them Darkar: What the heck are we supposed to use, man? Harsh language? Cog: Climb up that tree and tell me what you see! Esgir: Its too high! I�m too short! Cog: I don't care if you are short, Esgir, Get it done! After a brief clash with the enemy: Esgir: Well, that�s great, that�s just great. Now what are we supposed to do? Ivan: Are you finished? Redrik: We have injured! But they cast a silence spell over there! Esgir: What do you mean, they cast a silence spell? How could they cast a spell, they�re animals! Esgir: what are we gonna do, what are we gonna do? Bradachin: Maybe we could build a camp fire, sing a couple of songs. Why don�t we try that? Redrik: Somebody�s gonna have to go out there, take a first aid kit, and heal them manually. Lowlife: I�ll go, I�ll go. I mean, I�m the only with healing skills anyway! Esgir: Yeah, right, man! Lowlife should go! Good idea! Lowlife: Believe me, I�d rather not. I may be a half-orc, but I�m not stupid! Finally Esgir: Game over man! Game over! Redrik: I say we take off and nuke the entire site from Orbit. It�s the only way to be sure� |
| Posted By Gerug: And shanks didst descend from on high, and walk among those of the city in the guise of a mortal. shanks: (in all of his dreadful glory) HELLO, AREN"T YOU A CUTE KITTEN! WHAT IS YOUR NAME? (Hermy and his kitten are frozen in fear, a bit overwhelmed by shanks conception of mortal guise.) shanks: I SAID "WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" Hermy: H-h-his n-n-n-n-n-ame is-is-is-is-is-is s-s-s-s-s-s-s... shanks: SPIT IT OUT, SNIVELLING WO... ER, I MEAN, IT IS ALRIGHT MY GOOD FELLOW, YOU CAN TELL ME! Hermy: ...shanks. shanks: ... (but more ominous than usual, perhaps best represented by an ellipsis rendered thusly: :mad: :mad: :mad:) Slowly, almost kindly, the Divine-Terror-Who-Seeks-Us-All kneels to address the halfling face to pale face. shanks: Because I am a generous DM, I will grant you this boon - name your choice of apocalypse. Hermy: I-I-I-I-I like pie. shanks: SO BE IT! The planet's crust break open to swallow the city, then seals itself in a dome above it, gently baking the inhabitants at a temperature of 250� F. shanks: AT LEAST HE DIDN'T LIKE PASTA - THAT ONE WAS MESSY... |
| Posted By Gerug: We see a writer, huddled over his keyboard in abject misery. Gerug: Who knew muses had sick leave? Suddenly shanks descends through the skylight. It is hoped that he felt crashing through and landing hard would create a more fearsome impression than simply phasing through the structure and floating to the ground - otherwise, the writer is in a lot more trouble now. shanks: WHERE IS MY DAILY TRIBUTE? :mad: Gerug: I was sure it was in the mail - let me go check for you... (attempts to leave the building) shanks: LET ME GET THE DOOR FOR YOU. shanks gets the door, all of the walls, the windows, the rest of the ceiling, and the support pillars. We will assume that having the rubble crash into him was merely part of the act, for he appears completely unharmed. Not any more happy, sadly. Gerug: Hey, be careful! We keep some pretty explosive stuff around... oop! shanks: Ah, you PCs make it too easy. :evil grin: And fade to black |
| Posted by Gerug: Somewhere in the deep woods... Arnor: I keep telling you it's this way. NaShae: It's this way, silly. I'm an elf - we know about these things! Arnor: But, but - Cog! Tell her that it's this way! Cog: Follow the elf. Arnor: Cog! Cog: Hey, you'll thank me later. We see much more interesting sights when she leads anyway, Arnor. Aria: .oO(He's so dreamy!) Arnor: .oO(More interesting sights? ) Esgir: .oO(404 Error Message Not Found) Arnor: .oO(Interesting sights? I guess the LaBrea Tar Pits could be deemed interesting, as long as you weren't seeing them from the wrong side...) Darkar: .oO(What does it take to get a good line around here anyway?) Arnor watches NaShae with a mixture of love, confusion, and minor irritation. Then he notices Cog watching NaShae with perhaps a bit too much joy in his eyes. Arnor: More... interesting... sights... Cog?! Cog: Hey, Arnor... buddy... was I wrong? Aria: .oO(Soooooo dreamy...) Arnor: COOOOOG!!! Cog: H-hey, Arnor, eaaaaasy now... The following scene is not rated, but has not been deemed suitable for the general audience. |
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| Posted by Gerug: Roving Reporter: We take you live to the Elvish retreat, where Team Cog has captured a goblin and is about to begin the interrogation. NaShae: Okay, I've got the leather and the whip! I'm rea- Kari appears Kari: Give that back! {Grabs the whip and leaves.) Ivan: Well, then, gobbo, we'll just have to do this my way... (hefts hammer Thor appears. Give that back! (Grabs the hammer and leaves. ) Ivan: But that was my hammer! And what was he doing here? Redrik: I didn't see anyone. Cog: That explains your first scouting mission. Esgir: Let me handle this... All: NO!!! Esgir: :( Darkar: Wait... the goblin's face... it's really a mask... (pulls off the mask, revealing...) All: HERMY?!! Hermy: Hello, Miss NaShae - are we at your mother's castle yet? |
| Posted by Gerug: NaShae: Hermy, why did you follow us? Hermy: Everybody knows that mother's make the best pie, Miss NaShae! That's why you were going to visit her castle, right? Ivan: But why we're ye goin' 'bout disguised as a goblin, lad? Are ye daft? We nearly kilt ye, ye blas... ye... ah, who am I kidding? Young sir, what madness possessed you to follow us? Lowlife: Yes, prithee, what folly was this? Aria: :uh huh: @ Lowlife. Lowlife: Well, now I ask you - if he (nodding in Ivan's direction) is going to abandon this charade, why should I be compelled to pursue this pretence? NaShae: :uh huh: Hermy, why did you dress as a goblin? Hermy: My brother Kirby told me that you should always try to blend in if you're travelling through dangerous territory. One time, we spent three days wandering across an otyugh's territory, disguised as a dung heap. It would have taken less time, but we couldn't see where we were going... NaShae: I am so sorry I asked. :nonono: |
| Posted by Gerug: When last we left our heroes, they had just discovered that their captured goblin was, in fact, Hermy. Not that this stopped Darkar from going ahead with the torture anyway. :evil grin: Darkar: ...The problem's clear to see... Too much technology... Hermy: No, please stop! No more Styx tunes! I beg you - I'll tell you everything! Darkar: But I've got two more albums to go! |
| Posted by Hermy the Wooden: COMING SOON TO GARICS CITY The Ultimate Battle of Good versus Evil. Right versus Wrong. Heroes versus Villians. TEAM HILLDEER versus THE COGSIE BUNCH |
| Posted by Gamis The LLI, after the homecoming of Cog's Crew. Kal: (weak grin) Wecome back... Cog: Kal. How's things? Kal: (grin looking strained) Ehr... Well... See for yourself... *Cog nods and wanders the inn* Treble: (sidelong to Gamis, Hermy, Daron, and Kywyn) Three to one he has a cow when he gets to his room. Kywyn: Ten gold says he has sheep. Gamis: Even money he has Holstein triplets. Daron: :uh-huh: Hermy: :confused: Gamis: What? I've been in the country for a while. *group shuts up as Cog stalks past, eyeing the interior of the inn criticaly* Daron: No bet. *Cog begins to climb the stairs* Kywn: Gentlemen, start your engines... *creak, clunk, creak of Cog's boots at he climbs* Hermy: Mr Hilldeer, can I have your room after he kills us? *a door opens and shuts upstairs* *Kal raises a glass to the group* Kal: Nice knowin' ya... *faintly, from above, the slide of a drawer opening can be heard, then the sounds of rummaging* *Treble signs his will and folds it up, tucking it under a bottle on a table* *the distinct sound of a drawer being thrown against the wall can be heard, followed by more crashing sounds* Cog: :mad: Where are they!? *thump, thump, thump...* *the faint sound of mewling follows into the tense silence* Hermy: Gee! Cousins for Wraithfire and Shadowkiller! Gamis: (bolting for the door) If we live that long... |
| Posted by Gerug A forest scene. A ragtag band of mercenaries and heroes appear to be tied to trees. Hanging upside down. Aria: This is not good. Darkar: Couldn't your agent get us out of this? Aria: Not any more - he put it up as stakes in a poker game with shanks. Arnor: You mean...? Aria: Yep. :( Esgir: Don't worry; I've got a plan. All save Esgir: .oO(Hoo boy...) Esgir: No, trust me - all this blood rushing to me head is clearing my vision of all distractions. Lowlife: Are you sure? Esgir: Listen to Cog. Cog: Oh, to see all the pretty ladies again... Esgir: You see? Ivan: I'm not sure that's clear-thinking so much as the ravings of a madman. Slagar: Who can tell? Ivan: My point exactly. Esgir: Then how can you explain why you and Lowlife are speaking so clearly? Lowlife: This is how I always talk! Esgir: Alright, then we just hear more clearly now. Redrik: Close enough for me. So what's your plan? Esgir: We form a chorale group. All save Esgir: :uh-huh: Esgir: Come on now! The goblins are sure to be impressed by a good rousing song. And a one and a two and Always look on the bright side of... Aria: Does anyone have a better plan? Darkar: I was considering encouraging Arnor to rage and break his bonds. Arnor: How am I supposed to do that, hanging upside down like this? Darkar: I was hoping the proper incentive might work. Aria: .oO(Avoiding our deaths isn't enough incentive?) Esgir: ...Just before you draw your ter... Aria reaches out and punches Esgir in the head, knocking him out, then puts her hand back under the ropes. Redrik: .oO(Wait a minute...) Arnor: What do you mean, Darkar? Darkar: Where's... NaShae? Arnor: ... Redrik: H-hey... Arnor: :mad: Redrik: :eek: B-but... I'm tied to the same tre-ARGH! Mystic: Wait now, why is my alter-ego the one suffering? shanks: Hey - tribute is tribute. :devil: |
| Posted by Gerug A forest - again. Aria: Well, Darkar, that backfired horribly. Both Redrik and Arnor are dead. And we still don't know what happened to NaShae. What now? Lowlife, Esgir, and Ivan: Always look on... Aria: Don't start! :mad: Slagar: Well, we could get Cog to rage. No one is tied to his tree with him! Cog: But I can't rage, Slagar. :) Slagar: Not even a little bit? Cog: Nope! I'm too happy to rage, I'm afraid - alas! Aria: Too happy? You're tied to a tree, waiting to be tortured by goblins, and you're happy?! Cog: Well, uh, yeah. Aria: How can you be happy at a time like this? Cog: I get to seek Holly in eleven more days. :love: Aria: ... Any more ideas, Slagar? Slagar: No, but I suspect I can think of something before our month is up. All save Slagar (and the blissful Cog: Month? Slagar: Well, yes. I heard the goblins state that they were going to leave us hanging from these trees for a month in preparation for foothead season. Something about the right level of softening up, they said. Ivan: Oh, great. Darkar: We're dead. Lowlife: Singalong? Esgir: Singalong! Aria reaches out and thumps Esgir again, before putting her arm back under the ropes. Lowlife: .oO(Wait a minute - that's twice she's done that! What does it mean? Got to think... Aha! Aria is Treble!) .oO(That wasn't a particularly helpful thought. Oh, well, never mind.) Aria: I don't want to hang from this tree for a whole month! Cog: (Snapping out of his reverie) What was that about a month? Aria: That's how long the goblins plan to hang us here, Cog! Cog: But what about my plans? Aria: I guess you'll have to postpone them for the afterlife. Cog: But... but... eleven days... Slagar: I don't think the goblins care, Cog. Cog: Then... I... must... MAKE THEM CARE! ARGHHH!! :mad: A tree falls in the forest - but Cog drowns out the sound with his mighty roar. A goblin appears - and is quickly grabbed by a furious Cog. Cog: NOW LISTEN UP! I AM GOING TO SEE HOLLY, AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! GOT THAT? Aria: Yeah, Cog! Ivan: Show your stuff! Slagar: Go, Cog! It is hard to tell with all the shaking, but the goblin nods furiously enough to make Cog see agreement. He throws the creature down and stalks off towards town. Darkar: Umm... Aria: Hey! Slagar: Don't go, Cog! Don't go! Stunned silence. Aria: But... but why? Mystic: One less MuP means more personal time with your DM... :devil: shanks: YOUR TRAINING IS NOW COMPLETE! Mystic: YES! shanks: ONCE YOU GET THE NEW RULES FOR COVER AND CONCEALMENT STRAIGHT, THAT IS! Mystic: :mad: I hate 3rd Ed! Lowlife: We know... Aria: Wait a minute, now! Why did you two sadists let Cog go? Mystic: Are you nuts? Would you try to stop him in the state he's in? shanks: WHAT HE SAID! |
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