She was warm and giddy. She felt like she was high but she had never
smoked and she knew the wine’s effect was wearing off. Comfort was what she felt, immense comfort. It was strange. Normally for her, sex had been intense and
passionate, if she could remember it after the two years. A desire would fill her and until she was
fulfilled she would be panting, animalistic, begging William to give her what
she needed. She would crave it insanely. She would be wanting it because she was a
human, and she was horney, and she was able to have sex.
Not to say that intensity and
passion and desire were vacant in her time with Justin. Just the opposite, actually. But the need wasn’t vulgar and it wasn’t a
craving that made her feel like she was less than human. It was warm and comforting and easy. She wasn’t anxious or desperate as he sat
down on the edge of the bed, looking up at her with his hands on her hips. It was so right being there with him. She wondered if it was too right, if
something was hidden from her, if she had been tricked, because nothing, ever,
in her life had been this perfectly right.
It only took a half a day. It was all that they needed to find it, to
turn themselves around and head in a direction that led straight to each other.
“Susan…” He whispered her name and
held his cheek against her stomach. She
slid her fingers through his hair and let him hold her. He was needy of her and she liked that. William never did need her, he just used her
when he felt like it. But Justin needed
her. He needed her to be there with him,
he needed her to let him hold her without questions asked. And she loved being held.
“I don’t want to rush this.” He
looked up at her and smiled. “If I start
to get too…eager, slow me down, ok?”
She smiled back at him and leaned
down to kiss him sweetly. “Just let it happen.”
He kissed her and held her face as her body came down with his against
his bed. They remained like that for a
while, her lying against him as he kissed her and kissed her. It wasn’t very comfortable lying sideways and
half off of the bed, but neither minded for the moment and neither dared move
from where they were and what they were doing.
He tasted like rich wine and she
was grateful to drink him up. She wanted
more and she knew that he did as well, but he kept her there, he didn’t move
them, and he didn’t speed up his kissing, or get more aggressive, or make a
move to carry this any further. It was a
little frustrating for her, but she didn’t mind the frustration and savored
what he was doing to her mouth, what he did very slowly, and softly to her
mouth.
She had changed rapidly,
radically, and for the better. Whether
it was a process that began in
She could finally be there, lying
with Justin, kissing him, letting his hand search her body. She could be happy and carefree.
Susan smiled and opened her
eyes. He was above her now, lying against
her. They had moved more appropriately
on the bed and her head was resting on the pillows. He was staring at her, looking deep into her
with those dark blue eyes, one hand on her hip, the other stroking her face. That thing that Richard had been begging for
them to live in, chemistry, it was that thing that was consuming her, eating at
her fingertips and toes. There was so
much of it when he looked at her, fire and sparks, passion that was
uncontrollable, and yet somehow not completely reckless.
They weren’t reckless. Yes, maybe they were going too fast, maybe it
was too soon, maybe it was inconceivable for two people to fall in love so hard,
so quickly. But it happened and it
happened easily. There had been a few
obstacles and breakdowns during the day, but it was only a day, and here they
were, together. And everything was where
it should be.
He smiled at her and pushed
himself so that he was sitting up on the mattress, resting on his knees. He pulled her up as well and reached for her
shirt. He took off his own and lay back
down with her kissing the skin that was now exposed. She laid there peacefully as he gently kissed
over her shoulders and the swell of her breasts, down in between towards her
stomach. It tickled and she kept her
hands in his hair or against his shoulders.
She could feel his hands working on the fly of her pants as he lightly
kissed below her navel. A new surge of
feeling came over her and she had a hard time trying to decipher what it was.
Fear was something she prayed
would go away, but no matter how she tried to push it away, it lingered. She was scared of sex. Not scared of any potential pain, or
disappointment, but something else. She
had only been with one other man. And
even though she had been with him countless of times, it didn’t make her feel
like she was experienced.
It had been two years. Two years of being alone. Two years without this intimacy, and even
longer that two years to be like this without any guilt or fear of false
feelings. It had been a long time and
that was what scared her. It was new
again and she didn’t want to mess up, or do the wrong thing and completely ruin
whatever was going to happen. For the
past few hours, Susan had tried to prepare herself for this moment. She knew it was going to happen. But it was still overwhelming.
Before she could think much more,
she was laying there in her panties and bra and he was standing at the foot of
the bed clad in only his grey boxer-briefs.
There was a look in his eyes, an animalistic look that didn’t scare her,
but let her know how bad he wanted this.
She wondered how she looked to him.
“Susan…” She stared at him and he crawled up the bed
and laid right beside her, resting on his side and turning her face to
his. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He smiled and scooted down against
the bed. He got close to her, pulling
her against him and into a hug. “Talk to
me. I don’t want to do this if you aren’t
really here with me, and really wanting to.”
She put her arms around him and
sighed into his bare chest. “I do want
to. I want to so bad.”
“Then what are you thinking
about.”
She pulled back a little and set
up against the headboard of his bed. “I
don’t know why, but I’m nervous.” She
looked away from him and down at her hands in her lap. “It’s been a long, long time for me. I need this and I want it with you. But I’m a little…I don know, scared, I
guess. William is the only other…”
He cut her off. “We don’t have to do this tonight. We can just lay here. Or stop and do something
else entirely.”
“No…” She shook her head and said
with a laugh, “I’m having sex with you tonight, dammit.” She let out a deep breath and looked at
him. He looked worried and she hated
that she had made him that way in the middle of their time together. “I just need to calm myself down and clear my
mind ‘cause it keeps sending me into another world. I’m not thinking bad things, just too many
things.”
It was quiet for a moment. She felt the bed move and looked over to find
him moving back on top of her. He hovered
on all fours and smiled at her before dipping in to kiss her briefly. “Maybe I should try harder to keep your mind
right here…” He moved to kiss her
seductively underneath her ear at the corner of her jaw. “On nothing else but us.”
She laughed and moved her head so
he could kiss her easily. “I’m thinking
about us, and myself and everything…”
“Shhh…” He kissed her again, deeply this time,
stealing her ability to breathe and her ability to think. “You want this, right?”
His eyes searched hers and she was
even more breathless. “Y-yes…”
“You trust me?”
She smiled. “Yes.”
“Then close your eyes and relax.” He whispered, kissed her once more and moved
down to kiss her breasts again. “And
just feel me, ok?”
She didn’t respond, but closed her
eyes and did just as he asked. Within
moments, he had snuck his hand in between her back and the bed and removed her
of her bra. He kissed her breasts
softly, taking his time, touching them gently and kissing the tips of them just
enough to make her sigh. His body was
resting in between her legs, and she pushed against his torso with her hips,
trying to get some pressure against herself, trying to get any sort of pleasure
to the part between her legs.
With that one movement, him
kissing her breasts she was there, fully aroused, fully ready for him. He had made her mind drift away from thoughts
of any kind, and made it go to sleep as her body awakened. She wanted him. She wanted him right then.
But he took his time, he took his
precious, sweet time, kissing all over her body, making a slow, dangerous,
cautious path down and down…
And down…
By the time his fingers were
hooked into the sides of her underwear, she was breathing hard with
anticipation. She was normally shy about
being nude, but now she was too excited about what might happen, what was about
to happen. Kisses were rained down upon
her thighs. He looked up at her with a serious look, and then a smile as her
panties were discarded and he looked over her body.
He continued to kiss her thighs
and gently pushed her legs apart, staring at the part of her was revealed to
him. She knew what he was going to
do. She could tell by the way he was
inching closer and it amazed her that something she would have to beg William
to do and normally was never satisfied with, Justin was doing so easily and
willingly.
She shook herself mentally and
decided right then and there that no more thoughts of William would enter her
mind. He was her only experience with
the opposite sex and not a very good experience at that. But he had little to do with the man who was
now not only kissing her inner thigh but carefully walking two fingers along
the inside of the other.
He helped her keep her mind off
her past by a quick shift of position and I gentle movement of his hand. She was oblivious to anything else but her
body, his mouth and his fingers. It was
silent in the room expect for her small sighs and long quiet moans. She opened up to him easily and he worked her
delicately. It wasn’t crude and it
wasn’t this crazy thing that they would brag about. But it was intense and it was passionate and
somehow the quieter it was the more it made her want to scream and the more it
made her want him.
“Does this feel ok?”
She laughed, feeling him breathe
against her and touch her more firmly.
“God, yes.”
“Susan…” She moved her eyes from the ceiling and
released her hands from where they had been gripping the headboard and looked
down at him. He bit his lip and then
shook his head with an astonished smile “You taste so fucking good.”
He continued on and she threaded
her fingers in his hair and pushed him harder against her body. It was getting to a point where she couldn’t
take anymore, no, she needed more. He
was teasing her, making her feel damn good, but it wasn’t enough. It was perfect and satisfying but it still
wasn’t enough. She needed him there with
her and in her. She wanted to spend as
much time with him as possible doing this.
She wanted it to last and wanted it to be as special as possible. She wanted one of those dreamlike fantasies of
hours and hours of foreplay finally ending with both of them breathless and
tired. It was what she wanted, what she
had been thinking about. But the past
few hours of the day had been that foreplay, and now, even though it had
probably been no longer than twenty minutes or so since they had laid down, she
was ready for him and didn’t want to waste any more time without him.
“Justin…” She pulled on his hair and reached down to
his shoulders “Stop.”
Either he didn’t hear her or didn’t
care. He was kissing her and had his
fingers inside of her and she was dying.
She wanted him inside, but not that part of him.
“Please…” She panted. “Stop.”
He did, and she pulled him up
against her and kissed him roughly as her hands fumbled at this waistline. He worked at it too and soon she felt nothing
but skin against hers. She reached in
between their bodies and touched him. He
let out a soft groan and pushed himself off her a little so that she had more
space to touch him. He felt solid in her
hand, warm, hard and solid. It made her
smile.
“I want you.” She whispered and
pulled her hand away. He quickly
maneuvered himself and was settled against her body between her legs. Her body spread for him and he
responded. Nothing was said and nothing
was thought of when he entered her gently and quickly.
She wrapped her self around him in
every sense and held on tight. She was
trying to relax herself for him and was working at it slowly. She knew she was tight. It had been too long and though he felt
wonderful there with her it was not the most comfortable to start with. She knew she would have to get back use to
the feeling and hoped he would give her time.
He gave her time. He waited for her and laid his body against
hers, breathing heavily with his face in the crook of her neck.
“It’s been a while.”
“I can tell.” He whispered.
“Let me know when you’re ready.”
It was quiet and she listened to
his heart and listened to him breathe.
She could feel him inside of her, feel his heartbeat down there.
It felt good and her body relaxed completely. Every part of it. She was ready for him, very ready. And she wanted him to know. She wanted him to know it all.
“Justin…” She whispered and kissed his shoulders,
tracing the freckles there with her fingertips.
His lips touched her neck and her
jaw. “Yes?”
A moment passed and she
paused. Should she say it?
“I love you.”
His lips paused against her neck
and she knew it was too late. There was
no going back now, no hiding back in her hole, scared and alone. She had said it, she had put herself out there
and now it was all up to him. She just
hoped she hadn’t ruined whatever they were doing.
She knew that he felt it too and
knew that he loved her back, but she wasn’t sure if now was the time to say the
words. But to hell with what she thought
was right and what the world thought was polite. She had gone ahead and said it and nothing
would make her feel guilty about it.
“Is that too crazy to say?” She laughed and he looked down at her. He was shocked, but he wasn’t upset. He hadn’t pulled out of her and he hadn’t run
away. He just looked at her and smiled.
What was most amazing about it was
not that he was still there with her, smiling at her, but that she was still
there with him, completely comfortable.
All her fears had run away.
“No...it’s not.” His forehead wrinkled in deep thought and he
shook his head. “How does this happen?”
“What?”
“It’s only been a day, and here I
am…” His hands framed her face and he
looked directly at her, shocked…no astonished.
He couldn’t believe what had happened between them and neither could
she. But she wasn’t about to start to
complain. “Here I am inside of you and,
and I love you and it’s only been a day.”
“Does it matter?”
He moved within her slowly and
whispered, “Not at all.”
She held onto his shoulders and
bent her knees, pulling her legs up further against his sides. The movements were slight and slow and they
felt so damn good. Slow moments turned
into slow thrusts and her body started reeling from it. It felt so, so, so fucking good and she never
wanted him to stop. He pulled her slow,
pushed her too, meeting her for each languid, liquid meeting of their
bodies. Her eyes shut in pleasure and he
kissed the base of her neck, and then kissed her lips, hard.
Slow went away and a quicker pace,
by no means fast, took over. Harder and deeper he worked her out. Her fingers gripped his shoulders and her
arms moved under his to wrap easier around his back as his body seemed to over
come hers. He was hovering over her,
using only his hips to move with her. He
started to speed up but then slowed down.
He slowed way down, pushing in her so slow and pulling out even slower
so that she thought she might just die right there of pleasure.
What a way to go.
With a deep breath he pushed
himself up a bit and clasped his hands with hers, pinning her back against the
bed and the pillows. He didn’t slow down
this time, but kept his pace and she tried her best to meet him there thrust
for thrust. But it was hard with all the
chaos that was clouding her mind. She
felt tense and relaxed, hot and cold, pleasure and pain. She was tightrope walking on the fine line
between each of those opposites and while it was dangerous and exciting, she
kept her balance and maintained that line.
The sensations were insane.
She could feel herself start to
get there and holding onto his hands wasn’t enough. She broke away from him and then latched on,
wrapping her arms and her legs around him, trying to not just connect sexually,
but trying to literally merge with him.
He was having sex with her at such a speed and such a pace that she
couldn’t control and he seemed not to control either. It wasn’t rapid, but this was a far cry from
the slow sweet torture he was doing earlier.
Suddenly he sat up on his knees,
still inside of her, and held onto her hips.
She watched him as he looked appreciatively over her body as he
continued on, holding on to her hip with one hand and roaming his other hand up
over her stomach and in between her breast, over one…over another and down
again to her hip. She arched her back in
response to his touch and reached back to hold on to the headboard.
But before she could get a grip
she felt him move again. His arms went
behind her back and he lifted her up so that she was straddling his lap, him
still inside, them facing each other as he sexed her still. He held her tight and she held on for dear
life. What he was doing to her was
indescribable. More than good, more than
great, more than fantastic. Her body was
going into overdrive, no overload and she soon was at her breaking point.
“Justin…I…” Her voice cracked and he shifted, holding
tighter.
“I…I know, me too.” He kissed her neck and she could feel herself
get tenser and tighter. All the muscles
in her body started to contract and she was damn sure she was about to come.
Before she could control herself, before
she could think, her body was sent over the edge. And she came.
Hard, long, and deep. She ground her hips against his and heard him
groan just after she peaked. She felt
him explode and heard him groan low as he held her hips so that she couldn’t
move.
They both fell back against the
bed, breathless and exhausted.
And she began to cry.
She wasn’t sad by any means, but
an incredible feeling of emotion waved over her like a tidal wave and she
didn’t know what else to do. She was so
happy, so in love, and felt so good that all she could do was curl up beside
him and cry. He rolled himself on his
side and molded his body against her.
“What did I do?”
“Nothing…I’m not upset.”
He paused. “Susan…”
“I cry, sometimes, when I come.”
He bit his lip and held her
tightly. “Really…”
“Yes...” She turned to face him and wrapped her arms
around him. “It was so good Justin, so
perfect.”
She could feel him sigh and didn’t
know if it was a sigh of exhaustion or relief, but felt maybe a bit of
both. “I love you Susan.” He continued to hold her and rested back on
the bed, pulling her with him so she would lie half against his body. “I hope you don’t think I’m an ass, but I
might pass out in a second.”
“It’s ok, it’s been a long day.”
“I’m glad we did that.”
“Me too.” She squeezed herself
against him and relaxed. She was tired
as well. Her body was exhausted and her
mind was thankful for the rest that was about to come. It had been a tiring day in her brain and she
was glad that the day was over. Now that
it was over with she looked forward to waking up with him and starting whatever
life they had together.
Sure enough, moments later she
heard his breathing deepen. She looked
up at him and his eyes were closed and his mouth was a bit slack. Typical man, but he was her typical man and she
didn’t think that him passing out after sex was a bad thing. She found him cute lying there completely
exhausted from their activities. He
looked peaceful and she was very content just looking at him.
She lay there a long time before
finally drifting off to sleep with him.
They hadn’t pulled back the bed, but she did get up at one point to find
them a blanket to cover them with. He
had one hanging over the chair in the corner.
When she had returned, he had moved to hold her from behind and she had
smiled as he casually draped his arm over her and sighed in his sleep. She was
content, at ease and peaceful and felt like for the first time, in a long, long
time, she had not a care in the world.
She didn’t care what the next day
would bring. She didn’t care that she had to be at the set the next day, or
that people might be talking about them, or at the alarm clock wasn’t set and
they might not get up in time. None of it
mattered. For the first time she
realized that her happiness was the most important thing in her life. She had sacrificed it for so long and now,
finally, with Justin, she was truly happy.
More than twelve hours before she
had woken up, groggy, tired, but ready for her day on the set. She was nervous and shy, too timid to really
be able to be herself. She was alone and
unhappy, putting on a brave front. Her
life in
But then he walked onto set. He had set by her, made her laugh and smile,
made her scared and insecure. She felt
sparks and didn’t know what to make of them.
But then a fire was ignited that she couldn’t ignore, not roaring and
out of control, but warming and simple.
She fell in love quickly and quietly and suddenly, for the first time in
a long, long time, she was intensely happy.
It was pure and it was simple.
And nothing was going to change
that.