 |
 |
 |
 |
| WELCOME |
 |
 |
| Och away wi' ye. Ye'r daft if ye didn'a already know I'm a Scot ! |
| Wullie went in to the pub, carrying his front door. "Whit ye doin' wi' that?" asked Jock. "Ma' key got stuck in the lock." replied Wullie, "I brought it so that naebody can use the key te get into ma hoose." "Och, ye'r a smart one, awright," said Jock,"but how are ye going te get in yerself, withoot a key?" "Nae problem" replied Wullie,"I left a window open". |
|
| graphics from http://scottishradio.net/scottish/ |
 |
|
|
| Address to a Haggis |
| Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face Fair looks your honest, cheerful face Great chieftain o' the puddin' race Great chieftain of the pudding race Aboon them a' ye tak yer place Above them all you take your place Painch,tripe, or thairm Paunch, tripe and guts Weel are ye wordy o' a grace Well are you worthy of a grace As lang's my arm. As long as my arm. |
| The groaning trencher there ye fill The groaning platter there you fill Yer hurdies like a distant hill Your buttocks like a distant hill Yer pin wad help tae mend a mill Your skewer would help to mend a mill In time o' need In time of need While thro' yer pores the dews distil While through your pores the juice distils Like amber bead Like amber bead. (whisky) |
| His knife see rustic labour dight His knife, see the poor laborer wipe An' cut ye up wi' ready slight And cut you up with ready skill Trenching yer gushing entrails bright Digging your gushing entrails bright Like onie ditch Like any ditch And then,O what a glorious sight And then, O what a glorious sight Warm, reekin', rich Warm, aromatic, rich |
| Then horn fer horn, they stretch and strive Then spoon for spoon they stretch and strive Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive Devil take the last piece! on they drive Till a' their weel swall'd kytes belyve Till all their well filled bellies soon Are bent like drums Are as tight as drums Then auld Guidman, maist like tae rive Then the man of the house,most likely to burst "Bethankit" hums "Be thankful" hums. |
| Is there, that owre his French ragout Is there, that over his French ragout Or olio that wad staw a sow Or grease that would sicken a sow Or fricassee wad make her spew Or fricassee would make her spew Wi perfect sconner With perfect disgust Looks down wi' sneering, scornful view Looks down with sneering, scornful view On sic a dinner On such a dinner |
| Poor deil! See him owre his trash Poor devil! See him over his trash As feckless as a withered rash As weak as a withered breeze His spindle shank, aguid whip lash His skinny body,as fat as a whips lash His nieve a nit His fist a nut Thro' bluidy flood or field to dash Through puddles and fields trying to run O how unfit! O how unfit! |
| But mark the rustic,haggis fed But see the poor laborer, haggis fed The trembling earth resounds his tread The trembling earth resounds his tread Clap in his walie nieve a blade Place in his sturdy hand a blade He'll mak' it whissle He'll make it whistle An' legs, an' arms, an' hands will sned And legs, and arms, and hands will trim Like taps o' thrissle Like tops of thistles |
| Ye pow'rs wha mak mankind yer care You powers who make mankind your care An' dish them oot their bill o' fare And dish them out their bill of fare Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware Old Scotland wants no watery wares That jaups in luggies That splashes in bowls (or porringers) But if ye wish her gratefu' prayer But if you wish her grateful prayer Gie her a Haggis Give her a Haggis |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |