News Archive

Helen Clark Denies Reports of Being Silly
Presents Psychiatrist Report To Back Her Claim

In a press conference held at her office in Wellington, New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark has denied reports in various newspapers and TV that she is silly.

Backing her claim with a one liner report from a little known psychiatrist, Belinda Marshall, Ms Clark told reporters that her report clearly stated that she is not silly. “Look at this report, I am not silly.”

However according to a source in the New Zealand Prime Ministers office, who claimed that he received the report personally, the report read that ‘Helen is Not Sally' instead of ‘Helen is Not Silly.'

”I am not sure whether it's a misprint or what but I saw it and what's typed on it is ‘Sally' and not ‘Silly'. And let me give you some inside info, since last couple of weeks Ms Clark had been asking us to call her ‘Sally' and I think one of her friends sent Ms Clark to Belinda Marshall for dual personality disorder checkup. And there you go it has been confirmed that she is not Sally,” the source revealed.

The revelation seemed to please the interim Prime Minister of Fiji, Commodore Frank Bainimarama who while speaking on a local radio program said; “I think Helen should also get a ear check done so that at least we can know if she is deaf because all our pleas are falling on deaf ears. The Sally thing is really funny and I just wonder what would John Howard would want others to call him, Captain Howdy?” Mr. Bainimarama joked.

Meanwhile military spokesman, Major Neumi Leweni has stated that Human Rights in Fiji are safe and intact before adding, “Seriously!”

In other news it has been revealed that a number of bars and nightclubs around the country will cut down on their operating hours and stock levels after Wayne Pivac returns to New Zealand.