News Archive

Qarase to Increase The Number of Press Releases
”Special request by news media”

In his boldest move to date, deposed Prime Minister Laisenia Qarase announced yesterday from his Mavana village home that he would increase the number of press statements per day to 8.

“Well I have been approached by couple of news media people and they have requested me to reconsider my number of press releases per day. I have spoken to my family and consulted the members of my SDL Party and we have agreed to issue a press release every hour starting at 8AM and completing the days quota by 4PM,” Mr. Qarase announced.

After the announcement, the news media reporters went into frenzy and according to a reporter from the local dailies it was the best thing to happen.

“This was the best news since December 5th and has made our work so much easier. All we have to do is wait for Mr. Qarase's statements and then check with RFMF. And there you go, the best news every hour.

However according to a source close to Mr. Qarase, the FNPF and not the return to democracy is the main reason for the deposed Prime Ministers move.

”Qarase has been trying to withdraw his FNPF funds for medical treatment and he just could not get it processed. Actually he approached the interim Prime Minister to help him with the withdrawal because no one was actually listening to him at FNPF. I think but I am not really sure but I think I heard Qarase saying FNPF funds or more press releases,” the source confirmed.

Meanwhile, Laisenia Qarase has told the RFMF that the emergency decree should only have been effected after riot, looting, rapes, and murder.

In other news, after it was reported that Justice Anthony Gates broke his trust by accepting the acting Chief Justice position, Justice Daniel Fatiaki was seen shopping for super glue.