News Archive

ANGRY BAINIMARAMA DECLARES TEBBUTT TIMES POLL RESULTS INVALID
CALLS IT A THREAT TO NATIONAL SECUIRTY

In his most bold and damaging move in the new year, military commander, Commodore Frank Bainimarama has declared the result for the Personality of the Year invalid.

Speaking from his village, Commodore Bainimarama said he would also stop recognizing the Tebbutt Times Poll as the official polling guide for the RFMF on the popularity of the two leaders of our country.

"Did you know that so many SMS votes were not received and the random telephone calls were only answered by people who stayed home out of fear that another coup would happen and they would get caught in the chaos and they call this results fair and accurate!" Commodore Bainimarama continued. According to Commodore Bainimarama, he might even consider moving into the ATH office at Provident Plaza if that is how he would be guarateed the Personality of the Year award.

Commodore Bainimarama made the comments after receiving confirmation that since Christmas, the Vodafone network was mostly unavailable due to heavy traffic and as a result so many of the SMS votes for him could not get through.

In response, Vodafone Fiji today issued a statement in which it explained that the busy network was due to many mobile users opting to check their balance rather then actually call someone and spend money.

In an official statement released during the press conference held by the RFMF this afternoon, military spokesman Captain Neumi Leweni said that although they had nothing against Waisale Serevi, the military had felt year throughout the year that their commander would come out in front. When asked a question by one of the reporters, Captain Leweni came out firing and said " How would you feel if you had worked so hard and put your career and the national security on the line to make sensational headlines throughout the year compared to how times that Serevi guy has made headlines and eventually not being chosen as the Personality of the Year, how would you feel huh?" In calling the results a threat to national security Captain Leweni said that if so many headlines can not get you the award then maybe a coup would

Meanwhile, the Minister for Home Affairs has said that an appropriate course of action would taken to deal with the current crisis keeping Lesi Korovavala in mind. However presenting an immediate solution, Mr Vosanibola recommended embroidering the popular verse from the bible PHIL 4:13 on every RFMF soldiers uniform.

In other news, the Leader of the opposition Hon Mahendra Pal Chaudary has declared that he will start playing sevens rugby, professional golf and grow a moustache to grab the Personality of the Year award after being beaten by Waisale Serevi, Vijay Singh and Laisenia Qarase in 2005.