Nakedman stands outside of the Convenience Store with some of his friends in the Army of Darkness, waiting to get in…
Nakedman: Wow, I cannot believe the luck. What a good name for a convenience store… ‘Naked Stop Groceries.’
Stormfire: Yeah. That’s crazy man,
crazy. I wonder if it was picked on purpose.
Holyevil: Look… Nakedman, stop
trying to play innocent. We know that you messed around with the sign. This
place is not called Naked Stop Groceries. Eric told me that he saw you
messing around with a ladder earlier in the day.
Nakedman: DAMNIT!
Stormfire: *Sniff* You lied to me
Nakedman. I thought we were buddies, remember- we are a Tag Team. The NUDE
KIDS ON THE BLOCK.
Nakedman: You know I was just kidding with you Stormy. So anyway Holyevil, check this out. I had this totally kicking idea for this round of the Bar Room Brawl… it could be like ‘Clerks’ and we could…
WHAM!
Holyevil delivers a slam to the
face of Nakedman.
Holyevil: No way you moron. Don’t you read other people’s stuff? Its been done before. Its old, its boring, its played out. Its not funny anymore.
Nakedman: Christ… sorry. It was just a suggestion.
Psychomantis: It’s a shame that
Jordanzombie guy had to lose. Nakedman, I thought he was kind of cool.
Nakedman: What? That guy? No way
man… he totally blew. Geez I’m getting cold. It sure is breezy out here.
Dark Angel: That’s why you should
put clothes on, stupid.
Nakedman: What, and violate my principles? Not a chance. Clothing is the bondage of the masses, it holds mankind back.
Stormfire: Holds Mankind back? I don’t think so. Imagine what Mankind would
have looked like without clothing.
Ericzombie: It would have
brought a whole new meaning to ‘have a nice day’ if he ran around naked with
that sock.
Psychomantis: Yeah, it wouldn’t
have been on his hand either. His move would be called the Mandible P-
Nakedman: I wasn’t talking about Mankind… I was talking about civilization you jerks. So Holy, who am I facing this round again?
Holyevil: Vulcan Raven.
Nakedman: Oh yeah, right. The guy with the dog. I could whoop him. Hey, you know maybe I shouldn’t bring so many members of the Army of Darkness next round. It gets kind of confusing to all of the people who have no idea who we are. Maybe I’ll just take the CWO people.
Stormfire: Ooo! Ooo! Take me! Take
me!
Nakedman: Wait a minute… that’s only assuming if I am around next round.
Holyevil: Yeah, and you haven’t even started the match yet.
Nakedman: Your right. I better get around to it. I don’t have all day to write this Pre-Match.
Psychomantis: We have to wait until
they open up the store and let us in.
Ericzombie: So we just sit
around and wait, huh?
Nakedman: I guess… hey! I know what to do.
Nakedman suddenly pulls a 8x10 glossy photo of Vulcan Raven out of his pocket. He then takes out a matchbook and begins to burn the photo.
Nakedman: Oh great Rewrite Judges… great rewrite judges out there- wherever you are reading this; this is a sacrifice to you, oh great Rewrite Gods. Judge this rewrite and proclaim it the best.
Nakedman walks over to
slaughter a goat.
Stormfire: Wait a minute… Nakedman,
you don’t have pockets. You are Naked. Where did you pull that picture and
those matches out from?!
Holyevil: Yeah, are you No-selling yourself again? That’s a bad quality.
Nakedman: Err… sorry. I guess I don’t sacrifice the goat then, huh?
Naked tosses the obsidian
dagger away.
Dark Angel: Look guys. It looks
like they are opening up the store… its time to go and fight, Nakedman.
Nakedman: Wish me luck.
Nakedman begins to walk over.
Stormfire: Break a leg.
Nakedman keeps on walking, suddenly a man inside of a car opens up his car door and slams Nakedman in the knee with his surfboard.
Nakedman: OW!! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!
Jeff Spicoli: Whooooa… sorry dude.
Stormfire: Uhh… Nakedman, I shouldn’t
have said that!
Nakedman hops over to the door and walks inside.